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kaboom1218

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kaboom1218 last won the day on May 4 2011

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  1. Well, that could be a lot of people, but no one advised her to suggest he get help which is the most important thing for him now.
  2. Well, no one else mentioned that crucial info in their advice and I don’t think you can advise on this matter w/o mentioning/considering that!🤔
  3. It seems that everybody is missing out on two key factors here: he’s bipolar and sounds like he suffers from depression, so with him dealing with those two major things currently, it definitely explains why he isolates himself and his moods/decisions may be unpredictable and unstable. I don’t know if you’ve had that discussion with him, but I’d say the main advice to offer him is to seek counseling to resolve whatever mental and emotional issues he might have on top of maybe needing to be prescribed medication to improve his mindset. It seems like someone in his situation is definitely not ready for a relationship, so maybe once he receives some help and healing, he’ll be better equipped for one. Until then, stay in touch and offer whatever support you can as a friend, although I know that seems hard at this time.🙂
  4. Do I hear some possible wedding bells for you 2? I always did wonder if there were any hook-ups as a result of this site. Does anyone know of anyone who got together after meeting here? Never know, but the next person to help with our love problems on this forum could even become the next solution! Maybe I'm onto something. Folks could host local enotalone parties! Something to think about. Things that make you go hmmmm...
  5. Shame on you nomore! How 'bout you don't post "no more" messages like that? This is Di's first time posting on the board and you're scoffing at how she is coping with her loss?!?! Would you like someone to tease the way you chose to recover? I think NOT! Whether someone chooses to stay indoors or go out, they have the right to decide what they feel will best help them recover and fill the void. She might think no one will offer her any support based upon that response. I personally love flowers and think this is a great way to self-therapy, Di. I plan to try the site myself. Thanks for sharing. Remember, to keep your head up and everything will get better. The rest of us at Enotalone are here for you! Peace, 'boom
  6. First off Fill, I think that when folks on here mention one of the standard remedies as being that time heals all wounds and things will get better, that doesn't mean it will happen in what might be assumed as a natural progression; that more time = less pain. If only it were that simple--it fluctuates. An image just came to mind that might help explain it. Think of a bell curve or a hill. To climb it, you must trek uphill and push ahead even though it gets harder as you climb. You may have to stop or take a few steps back before you can continue your ascent. Seeing the apex really motivates, but you still are constantly struggling and things are getting harder as you get closer to the top, which makes it seem almost impossible. But then one day, you reach the summit and overlook your past hurts and grief, but now instead of being parallel or feeling the pressure as their weight bears down upon you, you have now triumphed and can scoff and look down upon them and those that caused the pain in the first place. Then as you had back down to ground level and reality where you may still have to deal with your problems, things get easier and they won't have the same effect on you. You have now learned many valuable lessons along the journey and can finally begin life anew. Phew! That was lot and I may have overdone the imagery, but that's the writer in me. Hope that helps. Also, in reference to the pain our exes may feel or claim to feel, I do agree their pain isn't as bad as ours because not only do we have to deal w/separation anxiety, there is also the blow to our egos as being the rejected ones. Although it's not as much, I think some of us can take solace in the fact that they are suffering in some way and that we have at least left some impression with them and one they will not soon forget. Peace, 'Boom
  7. Man...my mind must be tryin' to play tricks on me! Should have known it would only be a matter of time until I had a similar "death" dream of my own. So, low and behold, I had a dream on Sat. about a few of my closest friends being shot at and of course, my ex was the only one hit. Can't recall if he died or not, but the feelings this incident caused were really mournful and regretful. Details of dreams are always so fuzzy if you remember at all, but I do remember feeling awful because we hadn't seen each other in a while and I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him before he got hurt. But, when I woke up and got back to reality, I'm proud to say, I was relieved it was only a dream, but didn't call him, although I was tempted. So, DeeBee, as you said, I still stayed strong even after having the initial thoughts and an actual dream! I'm just tryin' not to think of this as a sign... Like you said, calling out the blue about some weird dream you had, might be considered strange, although, as Dragonslayer said in response to your post, it would show at least you were concerned. Even though it might either freak them out or fall upon deaf ears as he said his ex cursed him out when he called her after having his dream about her. Either way, I probably wouldn't mention the dream to him if I talked to him, because he probably would think it was an excuse to call. But my ex and I are at least on speaking terms which makes a difference; don't know the circumstances of your situations. So I've decided, that if I do make one last attempt to contact him, it will be around his daughter's birthday and I will call to wish her happy birthday. Well, hopefully I will only continue to rise and not backslide into the moments of uncertainty and doubt. Peace, 'Boom
  8. True, Muneca. I hope that day comes, but doubt it. Feel like some part of me will always care and wonder is he's ok. But luckily I'm not that pressed at the moment. And hopefully in time it will be only a passing thought and not something on which I'll want to act. Thanks for everyone's input! Feel free to add more... 8) Peace, 'boom
  9. True, Auburn and Deebee, but I don't want this to be one of the lessons I learn after the fact because pride/self-preservation got in the way. DeeBee, didn't your dream cause you to want to call your ex? I know that it would for me, especially since dreams can be foreboding sometimes, but my circumstances might be different. If you know she wouldn't respond, then it would be futile. Anyhow, I'm not anymore decided about what to do and would rather not have yet another past relationship angle to analyze, but I guess it's better to do it now and get it over with then to keep mulling it over. It does help to hear others' perspectives in remaining strong. The one thing I know for sure is that if I do decide to contact him, it will be when I'm ready and when my ego wouldn't be bruised if he didn't respond at all, which would make me regret caring about him enough to check on him in the first place. That's where the struggle lies...they chose to not be in our lives, so if something bad happens there is really nothing more we could have done. But that still won't make it easier to cope with knowing so much time had passed in between when we talked and we missed out on an opportunity to connect with them again, because we don't know what their circumstances are. We can assume they don't want to talk to us, but we won't know until we find out. This is all very random, but writing out the thoughts also helps. So, anymore feedback is welcome. I guess another struggle is coming to terms with the only 2 reasons, other than missing him, that would cause me to contact him again. But it also helps that I really don't see us together as a couple, but he's still someone I would like to keep in touch with periodically. I almost wish he had done something horrible enuf for it to be easy to cut him off, but he didn't. Well, I hope everyone else is coping alright. I just need to continue focusing my energies elsewhere until I decide. Peace, 'boom
  10. I guess my biggest struggle is between whether to just "go with the flow" or to take some control of destiny and make some decisions myself. That's what I meant. While I do believe in fate, doesn't mean I will always let it rule my life. And my point moreso was that some folks would be at peace with not ever talking to their ex again if fate dictated that, but I can not take that approach as easily. I choose my words very carefully as not to contradict myself, but I guess interpretations can vary... I keep chancing upon similar posts today, but the following from Digly D kind of fell into my lap and is the exact situation to which I referred. One where either you or your ex has a death or near-death experience and how that puts things into perspective. link removed And I'm sure there would be very few of us who wouldn't break NC if we knew that today was either our or our exes last. Phones would be ringing off the hook!!! But I digress... As I said, I am not tryin' to focus on the negative or morbid, but know that death is a fundamental part of life that we all must accept, but having to cope with it with unresolved issues lingering around makes it worse. And this doesn't just apply to exes, but other loved ones we've lost touch with. It's just my ex is one of the few folks that I care about that I don't have contact with. And wanting to talk to him periodically to me isn't the biggest infraction. But I am still trying to let him come to me. And the ex did open the door recently, so it's not like I'm clinging to thin air. And he does have a daughter that I've bonded with, which makes it that much more difficult. I think we can at least keep in touch one day when we are both ready. Not sure if you've had any contact w/your ex, Auburn, but when that does happen that makes it that much more difficult. This post was more to discuss my feelings and find out others' perspectives, not so much to decide what I will do or act upon my thoughts. But whatever we decide, I think we need to make sure we focus and appreciate those that are important in our lives and deserving of that much concern and not let our exes take too much of that attention away. I will remain strong and let time do the telling as long as possible. Thanks again for the advice and well wishes! Peace, 'Boom
  11. Thanks for the responses. Muneca, yes, I know it's common to have those feelings, we are human, but it's really the only reason, other than his daughter (read earlier posts), that make me really consider contacting him. Of course, I miss him and would like to see him again, but my self-control is pretty strong in general. It's unfortunate, but anticipating and considering the worst case scenario sometimes happens. I just wish I didn't care, but I do. Deaths of strangers impact me, so of course anyone I know raises the level. As for you Auburnslp, you represent the other half. You really mean to tell me that if you heard your ex died today you wouldn't be the least bit devastated or upset? Are you really being honest? Because, although my ex hurt me, I would have a fit if I knew I could never see him again in any way shape or form. Also, if you do mean it, it sounds like it is because your ex hurt you and committed far worse crimes against you than mine. And I don't take offense to your post. Actually, it has some truth to it, but I'm not as attached to him as it may seem. Just moreso to someone I cared about who will always have a special place, but is not someone I can see myself with. There's a difference. Caring doesn't mean compromising who you are and giving power. It just shows your human and vulnerable side. If that didn't exist, none of us would be here. If you are a believer in fate and destiny, as I am, than you should be at peace at letting the chips fall where they may. But I would hate to just one day look up and have let fate totally control a decision I would gravely(no pun intended!) regret. Other thoughts welcome. Peace, 'Boom
  12. DeeBee just posted something so similar to what I am posting that it's spooky. Maybe a sign of the times that death is on a lot of minds. I have been doing pretty well w/NC since the ex and I split and haven't shown too many signs of weakness, ie. not contacting him when I wanted to. But for some reason, the "life is too short, what would I do/feel if something awful happened to him before we ever speak again?" thoughts keeps pervading my mind. Thoughts like these, make me want to push my pride aside and call, but is that just being morbid or pessimistic? The reality is that most of the time, nothing major happens to our exes in the interim and speculating about a small percentage of likelihood that they will pass on does seem a bit extreme and almost like graspin at straws for a reason to contact them. But for those that do pass on before they have resolved issues with loved ones, this is a very scary, disettling thought. It does seem to happen that those that are close to us may pass before we get to say a final "I love you" or really tell them how special/important they are to us. But that seems slightly different from someone you have been out of contact with for a while and purposely tried to stay away from. It's still not enough to make me call or reach out, but one day it might be. The flip side is that do they have similar thoughts? If so, it's not enough to compel them to contact us, so we're both in the same boat waiting on the other, but neither is willing to do anything. Anyone else have similar thoughts or suggestions on how to process these thoughts? Peace, 'boom
  13. To me greatness is achieving goals on a level few reach, surpassing expectations, defying the odds and exploring areas no (wo)man has considered or discovered. Just some random thoughts that first came to mind. Peace, 'Boom P.S. I like this forum. More positive and uplifting than some of the depressing relationship forums. I needed a change.
  14. White, I would first suggest paying an extended visit out there if you haven't already. I just returned from my second trip there and it is absolutely breath-taking and mesmerizing. Anyone that visits, I'm sure contemplates living there. I even did, but my friend lived there for 6 months and I almost kick myself for not going myself during that time. Do your research for sure, including housing and jobs. Since Oahu houses the capital, Honolulu, the opportunity would be the best there and there are plenty of jobs, especially in tourism and retail. I would just be sure to not get caught up in the illusion of Hawaii and make sure it is really where you want to be. Are you sure you want to be that far from family and friends? What is your real motivation? These are questions to consider. Good Luck. Let us know what happens. Peace, 'Boom
  15. T-Dog, I am glad to see you finally had the courage and strength to leave a marriage that was making you unhappy. I think it may sometimes be harder to leave a mediocre marriage vs. an abusive one, because there does seem to me more to salvage in those situations and folks may tolerate more than they should. Since so many of us on this forum are dumpees, I would just suggest that you allow him to have closure if necessary and not to totally cut him off like so many of our "loved ones" have done to us. I'm not advocating returning to a marriage that doesn't work, but try to be understanding during his time of grief. Not to say you aren't, but just a thought, because that's all a lot of us really want...resolution. And sometimes your ex is the only one that can assist you in the way that you need. Peace 'Boom
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