TrueHeart

I found that the rejection is the worst because it gives you time to set yourself up for disappointment... Having said that, its BECAUSE of the rejection I was able to move on.. So its a double-edged sword unfortunately... at least for me.

Believe me, its happened. She knows about us... And is ok.. But she's partially sided with John's mother BECAUSE of John.. She knows that if she fully condones it, his mother will discourage the relationship my sister has with John.. its tedious. John knows about all of it.. How corrupting Adam can be, how manipulative he is.. John claims to take everything Adam says with a grain of salkt.. but Adam has a way of just talking his way into things...

True true.. Though, I work with one of his son's, John.. the oldest of the two. I know things are a little tough, as he tries to keep the peace a lot. It always seems like there is an uncomfortable silence between us, and I feel compelled to say something.... I know that my actions will speak loudly... His younger brother, Ryan, seems to be more understanding and cool with everything... John is more friends to Adam than Ryan is.. so maybe thats the thing... I just don't like the distance its caused between John and I (who happens to be dating my twin sister)-- so yeah. theres another twist in the story....

Beec, As always, you're so on. Yes, I agree.. Showing them I care without all that crap is the best way, and I've tried to do that. Their mother tries to still get in the way, and Mike is doing what he can by trying to get her to stay out of it. The problem is, (do you remember my XXBF, the obsessive one)-- well, unfortunately, his sons and him are close friends... so Adam is doing a number on them telling them that my "track record" of dumping and hurting men is terrible and that I WILL hurt their father.. He's told them that it will never last, and has instilled a bit of a fear and doubt that I am as genuine as I am with their father. I have since told Adam to butt out because he's doing nothing but causing problems and acting like a jealous XBF when he already HAS a GF. Thats since calmed down, but I do agree that the issue is trying to SHOW his sons I mean business. I'd never intentionally hurt anyone. So ultimately, its my actions that will speak the loudest?

There have been issues-- You are in love You are blissfully happy and the whole world doesn't seem to mind or matter... Except when one or both of you have children. Sometimes, those kids are YOUR age, or maybe a bit younger or older... And they seem to not really agree with your relationship.. Puts a pinch on things.. So here's my dilemma: My BF is 44, we've been dating for 4 months... We've been friends for over 7 years though.. He has 2 sons, one is 21 and the other 22. I am 24. He's in the middle of a bad divorce from his wife of 23 years... who left him for another woman... So you can imagine what his sons have gone through. Its been 4 months, and its been great. They're still cordial to me, polite and such, because we have been friends. I know it must NOT be easy to have your father to be dating a close friend... but he's happy. I know they have issues, but really don't want to talk about them.. I know I cannot force anything, but its something thats really been on my nerves... Their mother (who found out that the grass WASN'T greener on the other side) is causing waves... Pitting them against their Dad and me. Its THEIR problem ultimately. I need to know how to approach this. I am respectful of their presense, I'm not clingy or anything on their Dad while their around... and when I spend the night, I sleep on the couch. Even in front of his soon-to-be ex-wife, I am not secretive, but respect that she has feelings enough... I don't want to come off like I'm rubbing anything in anyone's face. I want to address this issue that I love their father and want them to know that... Any advice is welcome.. Thanks for reading!

Its really not that big of a deal, depending on how serious you get. The pre-teen and teenage years ARE a difficult time to gauge HOW things will pan out. There is an aweful lot of maturing that happens in those years than the ones in high-school, college and later persay. Just take your time with this one, don't move too fast..

Notginger-- I truly am happy for you! I will share my experience just because I believe love can take any form. I met my BF when I was 17 years old... In other words, we were friends for the longest time. Recently, he endured a crushing blow to his life when he found out that his wife of 24 years cheated on him with another woman.... Friends and family alike were devistated.... To make a long story short, he's 44-- and 20 years MY senior... I have NEVER been happier, and I cannot picture my life without him. I've had 2 serious relationships that failed... one was with a man 2 years younger than I, and the most recent was with one who was 10 years older than I--- so I found my Prince Charming. He's stable, polite, and everything I've ever dreamed of. We too have been dating for 4 months, and I love it. Already, we're discussing marriage and looking for a house together.. He does have 2 boys a little younger than I, and thats still tender, but I think they see their father is happy.. and Hopefully, that'll be enough.. Time will only tell I guess... Blessings to you and your new beau.. I wish you all the best of luck! And don't worry-- there ARE those of us out there who share the same scenerio as you... Older love is a much better love! I couldn't be happier. And I thank God everyday for revealing him to me in that way...

Mmm, well, this is a tough scenerio... Fortunately, I just went through this not but 7 months ago, so the way to move on is still fresh in my head. Plainly, you are in love with who he WAS not who he IS. Think about that.. Everyone wants to cling to those happier times; those happier memories when things were beautiful and not sad-- especially after being broken up.. You want to pick up the pieces, but the fact is, there are too many to pick up. You're at a stage where you are trying to convert those feelings into memories because he just ISN'T the same guy you fell in love with.. You're right, he has other intentions, selfish intentions. You feel that when you go home from a night with him.... feeling confused on your feelings... thats your instincts telling you that something just isn't right; just isn't natural. He is unhealthy for you, especially to move on. And all it takes is to finalize how you feel inside... Convert those open feelings to just memories-- remember the good times, but not to forget the bad... Don't let him break your heart again... Just walk away with your chin up.. He's a different person when he's alone with you than when he's in public--? THAT should be your first sign... Remember: You're in love with who he was NOT who he is. Think about it.. it makes perfect sense..

But why? Why walk into the rekindling relationship like that...? Is it really worth your stress? I found mine wasn't worth it.

Nice.. All of those are in fact true.. but the last one by far hits the nail on the head.

As far as your age-gap goes, and others age-gap relationships, you have to know that each scenario is different depending on the age of the involved parties.. Your age gap at YOUR age IS a big deal to some, versus say, the same 3.5 year age-gap between someone 23 and 27. Age-gap relationships as a whole can be a very controversial subject to some, especially those who have never dated a person younger/older than them. So how you do gain acceptance from your peers? How do you stop them from the labels they're calling you? In this instance, it might be more difficult to find a solution. If you love her, thats all it should be right now.. Keep your private life as to yourself as possible with these judgemental people....

I think that everyone goes through that little phase. I couldn't tell you how much I wanted to "booby trap" my home computer knowing my X was pulling all kinds of stunts.. Instead, I just caught him RED HANDED in the act of infidelity. And he dared to blame that on "my past"-- Turns out, I'm better off without him.. I could careless how happy he is, because I just know that I deserved better-- and I have better now... I'm at peace in my heart.. 8)

You go girl! Feels good to tap into that hidden power you KNEW was in there doesn't it. Good for you for standing up for yourself... You deserve it.. You're well on your way to achieving the happiness YOU'VE always dreamed of... Take yourself out for a drink!

I believe it truly depends on the situation.. Age, in itself, shouldn't be an issue... but I agree teenage years are tender. If you're happy, it shouldnt matter... Older and younger people marry all the time, and are perfectly happy--

Well, I'm not so sure sending the article would be wise. Especially if he's emotionally, physically and MENTALLY abusive, he will miscontrue that. You could cause more problems for yourself than you're prepared to handle. He cheated, he's a reckloose, he thinks he's smooth, I'm convinced he's a player. Don't talk to him.. You need to work on those things that make YOU happy; rebuild yourself. He'll only drag you down, even as a friend. My XBF sounds like yours, and I DID attempt a friendship, it only turned out to that I was "suffering" for not being with him... He'd put me down more than ever, expect things of me, and never be even half as decent as he was when we were dating... Its not worth it.. Please believe me.