Dryyoureyes

You know, you always complained about me not being open. In the end i opened up, loosing my armor but it was probably too late so you gave up on me way before that. It was my most vulnerable time and you hurt me a lot. Until now (thats 6month later) I got trust issues with friends and other girls (i am more closed than i was before) but whats really hurting me the most is that you never really opened up as well. After 2 yrs I don´t have a clue who you are and I will never get a chance to find out. seen your best friend on monday. Weird that he lives in the house next to mine (probably only a wall sperates us, which is weird because last time I saw him he was living together with you 20.000km away)

well it wasnt about hurting her...it was more about saying everything i wanted to say. Otherwise I would have gotten stuck with the feeling, that i was just a weak.... and that she was able to do everything she wanted with me. Now I made my point clear and for me at least, i feel great with it. I haven´t actually felt that good in 5 months time since the BU. It was the valve for letting go my anger and letting go of the past. I don´t wanna be friends with her anyway, I honestly don´t really care and I am more than sure... for her it´s exactly the same.

thats what i did. depends on what you want. I honestly didn´t care anymore if she remembers me like that, because she did everything to turn my memories bad anyway (cheating, lying...the lot). I was always the nice guy, always been always will...but I still feel great (4 weeks later) about telling her, that I detest her from the bottom of my heart and whish her that karma gets her one day. At least one time, I had the guts to stand up and not be totally weak, needy etc and for me, that was soo worth it. I don´t really care if I ever hear from her again and I don´t really get, why it is important what she thinks about me in the end ....`?(in 95% of the cases you won´t hear from your ex again so...whatever floats your boat in my opinion). day 20 of NC again. I cant check her Fb anyway and kicked all her close friends too ( I am on block after that msg...and I am a bit proud for the reasons i mentioned already). Got a new Skype account as well

Just finished the rough work on my bachelorthesis....pretty much the last work I did mainly for you (so that I can end the LDR, I was pushing uni to the limit) Worked my ass of this month with 300 hrs in 3 weeks so I can manage to get it done....mainly because I was an emotional wreck after you left me a week before I started with my thesis....so I got distractions...went out like hell, had fun with a girl which left me for my best friend....but it´s not that bad. I don´t really care about her anyway. She is attractive, sporty and fun but quite a b****. Well guess thats part of all auzzie girls I met so far. Anyway I am almost through the hard part, lost weight like mad ( since I am working so much and not really eating a lot.....cigs and coffee are a good substitute....) From next month on, all work is for myself. Looking forward to a lot of sports, will finally quit smoking and hell I will enjoy myself

you know, I have been thinking for weeks wether to send that stupid happy bday msg or not. I was anxious and still hurt and then I got back just a nice thank you message...I jumped over my big pride to send you that msg....in a way I thought about leaving all the anger behind and the stress and the bad memories with that little text.... and you know what? It f-ing worked!!! I feel so much better after being able to forgive. I don´t got all the questions and memories haunting me. I even reached out to the ex i left for you and we talked for hrs about the breakup. Mainly did it for her so that she can get closure...you know she is a good girl. Forgave my best friend (well not totally but getting there) as well.... I just feel relieved the whole day. After the first sting of dissappointment (after 3 month of NC) caused by your kind but cold&short "thank you, hope you are fine" message was gone i started caring a lot less. It´s like the hurt and anger made me stick to you and since I managed to let go of that I am free. It feels awesome, I will sleep like a god tonight and life is great, next week i finish uni and then maybe see what happens with that cute little girl i am taking to a festival end of next week. I don´t need you anymore ex, I wish you a happy life. Grow up, get a lot of ONS, cheat on your next bf and please never ever contact me again. It´s not that I hate you but we two are just not made for each other and I am just not interested in what you are doing; because you know...I gotta take care of my life now and I will enjoy it with everything I can squeeze out of it But I will still be friends with your sister and your best mate in London....I actually like them so you gotta here from me, but I won´t ever ask them about you, so I will never hear from your life...but as I said I finally found a way to let go bye

Your birthday coming up, big load of unistress....and all i can think of is wether i should send you a happy bday text or not. I want to skip the next 2 weeks so that I am free to actually work out the last 8 month...it´s really hard to function atm...so i really wonder if I am doing the right decision to stay NC...but I dont even got the time to think about it, plus it won´t help me if you just give a short friendly response or no response...it just feels like I don´t know anything atm, despite that I after all still love you! I don´t even know if you care at all....well you didn´t send me anything for my bday so maybe not, maybe you were just accepting my wish of NC. I wonder wether you show up to that skypedate after 3 month of NC. It´s awesome that both your birthday and this "date" are just 1 week before i hand in my thesis at uni and all I can really do to handle all this is and not f*ck my studies up is to push all emotions/feeling in front of me and they keep on crushing into me like a boat that hits the waves in stormy weather.2 more weeks to handle the waves, then this old rusty boat is ready to let all the emotions crush over it and tear it down. I really do miss you.

Mhh after all the anger is gone, i quite miss talking to you. 1 more month and I am free for that...let´s see if that is a good decision or a bad one

Yeah so you think not whishing me happy birthday hurts me for long? I tell you what....Long after the last memory of you has been eradicated out of my head, you still will think about me....while I will only remember the bad moments, if at all....and you know whats the funny thing about that all? It could have been different...worked in a different way...just some honesty would have fixed it all....but you thought i am too weak, you lied and I let you do whatever you want to do with me. Wake up, I am a better person now...grown with the good memories, grown a lot more with the bad memories as they keep on reminding me what i don´t want anymore...gained a lot of self esteem through that experience. I am pretty sure you are happy atm....but there will be those nights, when you feel alone and soon after a while you will be craving for love....but then again you are too used...too much of an emotional wreck because of all the guys that you had and by then, you won´t be able to love anymore and go have to find yourself. I feel sorry for you, but then again you are just too young. Give it a couple of yrs and you will know what I mean...

After 2 month of NC I realized that I never really got to know you. You complained about me being closed but you never gave me and feedback like what you don´t like and lke trying to convince of something. It´s kind of sad to say, but I don´t have any clue who you actually are. Hope you find yourself at one point and manage to be more open and demanding. I have to say it really helped realizing that I don´t know who you are....I can´t miss somebody I don´t know.

Wow, the last 2 days are a real draw back. Life is good. I am getting to know quite a couple of good looking girls. Don´t really care about them atm. I have been browsing through old pictures...that was like the worst idea ever. Didn´t know there were so many out there on god damn facebook. It really hurts seeing this like only a couple of month earlier.... I still miss you, and want to know how you are but on the other side, I know it is over and I have to move on. Seeing you being happy won´t hel me in my situation. Seeing you making out with others surely won´t help me either. I want to hate you but I simply just miss you. I should totally make a break of all that facebook madness. I feel bad for blocking your sister and your best mate, so that they don´t see anything on my site.....I feel bad for having both of them on ignore on skype as well....though I know they won´t contact me eitherway....for what? I actually don´t want to have you in my live nor participating in my life by seeing pictures or hearing stuff from your friends. I feel bad for that but I know it is the only way for me. The only reasonable way to get over you is forget you....and one big part of that is forcing myself to move on (which I do) but I whish it would be with you. I have to beat the strong desire to reach out for you, because I know deep inside me you don´t want to have me in your live anyway. It really sucks having to write that bachelor thesis now....I can´t concentrate on many days and I was doing it for you....which doesnt make it easier. I just wish one day I can move on, get full on with my life and get better in many ways. I like my life but there is room for improvement, but that has to done for myself and thats exactly why i blocked my photos for all your friends.....because otherwise I know you could see them and then I would only do it for you....to show you how great I am doing. Still I am sorry for that, but it´s for myself!

You look good on your recent photos! I miss you and miss hugging you!

I wonder if there is a slight chance...from your actions and those little hints i guess no. Over that distance a friendship isnt possible either...I feel lost...I wanna know how you are, what you are up to and maybe if you think about me every now and then. I wonder if I said everything the way I meant it and hope there might be a chance and that you didnt missunderstood what I was saying....I can think of more than just a friendship tbh