The first time I saw him, I knew he was something special - I couldn't stop thinking about him. After a year of flirting or so, he finally got up the nerve to ask me out. I was on cloud 9 for a year and a half after that; it's impossible to express how incredibly happy I was except that I was head over heels in love.
The last two months have been rough. Though we dated for 1 1/2 years, we never discussed "love" or anything remotely emotional - I was his first real relationship and I don't think he knew how to handle it. We finally spoke about it a month ago, and I learned that when he says "I love you" to someone, it will be for the rest of his life. He is holding out for that One person. I, on the other hand, think it is possible to love multiple people throughout your life in different ways.
Other challenges include the fact that he is not happy with his professional life - he's in a dead end job and doesn't like it, but is not confident about his abilities and scared to quit and find another one. I told him that I would ultimately need someone who is not only confident, but happy with himself as well. I've also been working at my first real job the last 2 months, and have been spending more time @ work than with him. (FYI - I'm 22 and he's 25).
So, we broke up 3 nights ago, on Thanksgiving Eve. Not planned, it just happened. He said things have been "off" for the last two months, and he needed "time" to figure things out. I told him that I loved him and don't expect it in return, he says he wishes he could return that to me...but he can't. I guess he still has some of his own issues to deal with, as well as figuring out his feelings for me.
So now I am beyond upset. This man is not only my best lover, but my best friend too. We have so many things in common, and I honestly don't think I'll be able to find someone that fits as many of my needs and desires as he does. I don't want to find someone else; I want to be with him. He is my first love.
Do I let him go and have "time"? Do I try to get him back? Do I talk to him or shut him completely out of my life now? I never thought I could feel this much pain and hurt, and I can't concentrate on anything else right now. Any comments, similar stories/outcomes or advice would be gratefully accepted.