tropicaliris

thanks for the quick reply! As to how he asked, I told him after informing him of the results that "sorry our first conversation since a long time had to be this, we seem to always have awkward conversations lately.." His reply was "yeah we just don't seem to have a normal conversation anymore" So somehow we started talking about my time home etc., how he was doing all that stuff and he wished me merry late xmas and when i told him i was gonna get going to get my dinner started he said "call me when you get back?" I kinda paused and said "um.. maybe when i get settled in?" he said ok. And I told him bye after that.. I think he just wants to talk to me about stuff it seems.. i havent talked to the guy for almost 6 months!

Hello everyone, as the title of this message shows im not sure if i should call my ex back or not.. background: its been about 5 months since our breakup, i haven't contacted him since month 2 post breakup since contact was too hard for me moreso when he found himself a new girlfriend (whom he is still with currently) even though he still wanted to remain friends it was too hard for me. So anyways.. I was back home (going to college out of state) for the past couple weeks for xmas break visiting family and friends and did my annual doctor visits (gyn, dentist, etc.) well on visit back home.. my gyn found my test to be "abnormal" (not deadly) and suggested me to call my last partner about the the results to let him know that he is carrying this abnormality (i was clean prior to this relationship). So i ended up making contact with the ex after 5 months of no communication for this reason recommended by my doctor. The conversation went well.. a bit awkward regarding the reason for the call. After our conversation he asked me to call him back when i got back from my trip home.. I told him "Maybe when i get settled in.." nothing definite on my part.. I ended the conversation and havn't replied since. Should i call him back? Would it be rude not to? I'm still unsure if I'll be able to be just a friend to him and if i should just continue my disappearance from his life? Part of me wants him in my life the other part of me is scared of being hurt again. Advice?

1. How long have you been in NC for? He wanted to remain friends, after finding out about the new girlfriend I realized I couldn't handle that situation and stopped contact for about two and a half months now. 2. Are you doing it with hopes to get the ex back? (Thruthfullly) At first yes I was hoping this will help him realize I meant something to him and bring him back. Over time I realized he may just not come back and I am starting to regain my old self back again (the independent happy person I was before I met him) NC really was to find myself again. I still do miss him.. and there is shards of hope that we could try again in the future...but now i have doubts about a second chance... 3. When you were on the verge of breaking NC, what strategie/thought process worked on stopping you from doing so? He has a new girlfriend now, if he really wanted to be with me he would be with me and not her. What good will my contact do? His actions already show me how he really feels. 4. Do you generally supress your feelings about the break up to those around you? Somewhat, I used to vent to my girlfriends a lot but now I try to enjoy the moment and try not to let those thoughts ruin my day. 5. If you have been to counselling, has it helped? No counselling, I kinda like to handle the ups and downs on my own I feel like I become stronger each time I overcome them by myself.

Well ex has messaged me about 4 nights ago i havent responded....he knows i still care about him and ive been NC for about over a month now (to move on and live my life without him) ever since i found out about the new girl. Should i reply or keep ignoring? Im not sure if anything beneficial would come out of replying but i dont know if ill just come off as rude for not responding..

I was wondering why do ex boyfriends email their ex-girlfriends asking what's new in their lives when they've got a new relationship and new girlfriend who theyre supposedly "happy" with? Are they keeping tabs or something?

I don't know how true astrology is but I've noticed a pattern with myself with guys I've been involved with... So I reflected and discussed with my girlfriends about guys I have had previous relationships with that have came and gone. They all had one Really interesting thing in common...all but one of the guys I have dated and ended up with relationships were all Capricorns... actually looking at their birthdays they were all born within 3-4 days of eachother in January! Let me note that these guys I have met over a span of 4 years all randomly and unexpectedly met through friends, or social gatherings, random everyday life events mainly at times where I'm not even looking for a date or relationship. I don't go around asking guys what their signs are like some pickup line Lol Is this some bizarre event that I mostly end up with guys born within 3-4 days of eachother?? I myself am a Picses and I guess I click well with Capricorns? I'm pretty facinated at the thought...

Thanks monkey1, I cant wait to meet someone like that too! im kinda just trying to think (while going through the breakup motions) that yeah i had good memories with him.. but even BETTER ones are still to come in the future...how exciting!

so ive been thinking about this alot and what i wanted.. plus talking with my best friend on the phone has tremendously helped. I came to a decision. I decided that i am fine with hanging out with him from time to time but with the boundary that i dont want to be affectionnate with him or treat eachother as a couple when he doesnt want anything serious with me. My values are monogomy, and faithfulness and i cannot share special emotions or feelings with someone who doesnt feel the same way about me as i do about them. If i continue in the way we have with romantically casually seeing eachother, in the end im Really going to resent him. I can say for fact that my feelings towards him have changed, its alot easier for me to let go Especially when i know there are other girls involved, it takes away the admiration i had for him, and i want to be with someone who treats me the way i want to be treated. I'm tired of settling for less and getting hurt (been dating emotionally unavailable guys for the past 3 years) and i know what i want this time.. he's not gonna give that to me, oh well. Things can only look up from here. Thanks for the advice everyone

by the way, i really appreciate all the feedback from everyone even though alot of it is hard to take, criticism is good to unbias my own thoughts

Well it is jerky for me since we started out monogomous, took a break, then got back together with the new agreement that we were casually dating. Problem here: i took casual dating to be exclusive casual whereas he took it as casual see other people casual. We never clearly stated the status of our relationship and partly my fault since i didnt ask for clarification and went on assuming that we were still exclusive. So i found out that we werent exclusive last tuesday leading to fallout leading to me breaking up with him. When i broke up with him i told him that i cant keep him in my life and pretty much gave him an ultimatum at that point, me or nothing at all. He said that he doesnt like the whole ultimatum idea of never knowing eachother ever again so I came up with another option. I told him that i will breakup with him since i cant be with him in this state and that if he does want to keep the option open for the future, when he is ready to commit, ill let him come to terms on his own and i will leave that door open for him to a possibility and not fully just cut him out from my world. but during this time i will try to move on with my life and not expect it to happen. But just to have that option to each other still there since we do genuinely enjoy each others company and the chemistry is great between us as people (both physical and mentally). He said ok, he rather do that than to never hear/see/talk to me every again with such a ultimatum end. He asked me if id still call him or at least email him to see how we were both doing from time to time rather than never contacting eachother, i said maybe... he responded well, dont be afraid to call me when you want to or at least email me... Right now ball is in my court.. and he still wants to discuss this later.. and im trying to figure out what i want to do about him, im still dealing with the breakup emotions since its only been a week... and need more time to think it through

See thing is once i found out that he was indeed seeing others, i broke up with him on spot (last week tuesday to be exact). I told him i cant do this anymore because im too attached to him and i care about him too much that it hurts. He asked me, "so your breaking up with me..?" He told me that he doesnt want to breakup, that he does care about me, just at this point in his life he can't make a commitment to me, that i should sleep on it and talk to him about it the next day. I replied that when im gone he can have all the girls he wants and i will be out of his hair completely, he responded with no, i dont want you out of my hair, i want to keep what we have, keep me in his life, and that it hurts him to hear me sad like this. Now im trying to figure out if i really do want to keep him in my life or not.. he wants to, a part of me doesnt want to cut him out of my life either (i think...).. but im not sure..so im at a cross road right now... I havent contacted him since ( i dont really have the urge to call him) and dont plan on contacting him till i get my feelings and emotions sorted out whichll take weeks to months to knows how long..I just need time to regather myself and face with what ive been dealt, and what i want to do..

Funny how you mention how he should grow up more.. he's actually 26 where i am 21 and i thought i was the immature one (naive most likely huh?), i totally agree with you his actions are very immature and he reminds me of guys that are around my age where all they want is to hook up and have fun (thats kinda why i wanted to try a bit older this time, guess they dont mature much at 26 either...). I was thinking on my way home from work that i could try to keep him in my life by occasionally hang out with him taking out the affection and dating status and i try to move on with my life but just to keep the door open to a possibility in the future (is that contradictory?) and possibly let something develop rather than just know him as the guy i was head over heels for (you know the thing when people date eachother they only see that person in a single light?) ? i know that he cant change... and i cant change what he wants or feels... nor would i feel better knowing im forcing him to want to be with me... (that would hurt as well). But just so im not completely cutting him out of my life so we still have that option to eachother. I most likely wont be able to do this right away.. maybe after a couple months away from him, letting the idea of him with other girls sink in, id be able to develop a friendship with him and consider the other fish in the sea (need i mention that they are really hot ones out there ). Im just trying to keep my views optimistic.. i cant change how life turns out and things happen for a reason, ive been through heartbreak before and survived..its just the going through it part that sucks, yes im hurting inside (cried a bunch last night), but i really do enjoy his company and he's someone i dont want to cut out of my life.. (im trying to figure out if this is my emotions talking).

Its so hard to let go.. can casual relationship work out i the end? do you think we have a chance at something in the future? He always refers to i see something more in the future but not right now i cant commit to anyone right now, yet when we talk to eachother he always ask me close questions like asking me about if i would visit him at his new extracurricular job (bartending), that if i take up soccer again that he'd come and watch my games, his sister is getting married soon and when we were talking last week on the phone about her wedding, he randomly brought up the question "so what would you want your wedding to be like," completely turnign the focus from his sister to what i wanted (i did not prompt this conversation he did), telling me how i should pass down my dimples to my children... how he doesnt want to miss out on a good thing when discussing us,just the stuff he brings up on his own refers to things couples talk about when they want something more with someone right?..marriage, kids, doing things together etc. and all of these types of conversations are prompted by him not me... that is why im confused... why talk like that with me when he's dating others and doesnt want a commitment, if you dont want to commit to someone of course you wouldnt want to mention those things wouldnt you? But he does and when we talk about those things i get more attached to him. i just dont really understand, any insight?

so a bit more on the story, me and the guy im involved with started dating in february, exclusive and monogomous, met his family and his friends, not casual so feelings developed during that time and we grew close at this time i fall for him, calling eachother baby etc. etc. the whole couple deal up... until a turning point... So after 4 months of dating his ex whom he ended a long term relationship last year starts contacting him (they remained mutual friends) and he tells me how she was yelling at him over the phone, then things get shaken up for us. With me busy with finals (im currently in college right now) and him busy with his projects (remodelling a new house he bought to rent oout) i took the understanding that we couldnt see eachother as much. But then over this course of time he gets more distant, yet when we are together we still act as a couple. So a couple weeks before finals, he tells me how he ran into his ex over the weekend (mutual friend of theirs had a party) and they exchanged some really nasty words and he completely cut her out of his life, no talking anymore nothing. When i see him again after this event occurred he tells me how he isnt ready for a commitment right now but doesn't want to breakup with me. I tell him i want a break esp since finals are coming up and i cant focus with that bothering me. So he tells me to contact him right when im done so i say ok. After our break we get back togehter but with the new understanding that we are casually together (i had no idea about seeing other people, i thought it was exclusive casual). so recently i found out he is indeed seeing other girls. he tells me that he does care about me and doesnt want to miss out on a good thing with me just right now he cant commit to me and wants his freedom. i ask him if these girls are important to him and he replies with its not about the girls its the fact that he gets freedom of not having to answer to anybody at this point in his life. yet he doesn't want to cut me from his life and still wants to be with me? he said that the other girls are more as hangouts while we are more romantically involved and we care about eachotehr yet he just isnt ready for commitment. i can say that yes i am in love with him.. i fell in love with him when we were exclusively together so we didn't start out as a casual relationship. so my feelings towards him are still strong.. so yeah wondering if i can get more insight, i find talking about this with people helps me alot. will be much appreciated.

What does it mean when a guy says he wants a casual relationship but on a romantic level with one girl (guy is closer to this one girl, more intimate, cares about her) and casually dating others without that romantic level?