MrBrightside15

I stopped counting after 30, but about two months. Hard to believe it's only been that long. Seems so much longer..

Convince yourself it wasn't her. That it was just a random wrong number or something. As nice as it is to think they're missing you, it's not a good way to think. This is where I am right now: constantly trying to convince myself that the worst case scenario is true. If we always cling to hope, we can never heal.

It's always so tempting to fall for those breadcrumbs. It definitely takes an incredible amount of resolve to ignore them. Very good advice about continuing to give yourself time, even after they want to get back together to make sure it's not a mistake.

Day 30! While I've reached the 30-day mark, its actually kind of an arbitrary achievement. Nothing changes at this point, other than I can feel good that I made it at least this far. For my reflection, look to the post I'm replying to here from a few days ago. It adequately sums up how I continue to feel at this point. As much as I'm trying to tell myself to move on, I can't help but be saddened by the fact that she hasn't called in a month, and hope that a call will come sooner rather than later. I know that isn't the right state of mind to be in, but right now I can't do any more than I am to combat those feelings. I've decided to give up all social media - FB, Twitter, Insta, Snapchat - for Lent. I normally don't really bother with such a thing (not really religious) but it seems like the perfect opportunity to really test myself by breaking free from the cyber world from which I find myself getting too sucked into each day. I'm looking forward to going off the grid for awhile, and hopefully it will help me continue to heal from the breakup. I'll have plenty to do at work during this time, as well as continuing to improve myself. I also plan to stop counting the number of days of NC that it's been. Seems healthy to let it go, and stop keeping such an accurate tally. While I won't be posting daily on here anymore, I'll still be checking in regularly. Thank you all who have given me advice in the last 30 days, and best of luck to everyone in dealing with their own heartaches.

Day 29. Had to work about 12 hours today, so just went home and went to bed.

Day 28. Despite having a good night out Friday night, the rest of the weekend was more on the down side. I just missed her terribly. Didn't do anything special for the Super Bowl, which didn't help. Have a busy week coming up, so hopefully will be able to stay focused.

Day 27. I've noticed lately how a little bit of anger and resentment has crept into my feelings. Idk if it's just setting in or what, but the whole idea that apparently I'm not good enough for her any more is what gets me a little times. That and the fact that we're going on a month now and she hasn't reached out once. Upsetting for multiple reasons. I also accidentally saw a picture of her on FB, as she was tagged in someone else's photo. God that's such a killer. Even though the photo was harmless, just seeing her face and how amazing she looks is so difficult. Makes me just further think what an idiot I am. Even though I didn't do anything wrong, I also allowed the relationship to flounder. I allowed myself to lose her, and for that I am an idiot. Side note, the last two nights I went out with friends and had a lot of fun. Definitely was much needed, as ego and pride are definitely at a low right now.

Day 26. Another slow day, but managed to get through it just fine so far. Another regular weekend to get through. I'm feeling very normal throughout the weekdays, but when the weekends come it's much harder to keep busy during all the extra alone time. Meeting up with a friend tonight though, so hopefully will be able to have some fun.

Day 25. Slow day at work. Nothing new to report. Went out with friends tonight for a little bit. They didn't know about the break up, so had to fill them in. It's actually kind of nice to talk about it, and not always keep it hidden inside.

The only way I can put it is that it gets "less hard" as time goes on. 24 days certainly isn't a long time, even if it might seem like it at this point. But the no contact is the key. If you have no info to go off of in regards to their activities, then there's nothing new constantly giving you something to stress over. Like I said, finding a way to fill time is so important. Ideally, you could go out and socialize with other people to take your mind off of the break up, but obviously that's only going to happen sometimes. For all those other times you're stuck at home by yourself, you need to be able to distract yourself even more, because those are the hardest times. For me, it's playing guitar. It takes enough of my concentration that my mind doesn't wander. Maybe for others it's playing video games, or drawing or something. It takes a LONG time before things are ever "normal" again, but you eventually get to a point where the break up doesn't affect your daily life. At least, not on the exterior. Right after a break up, it's hard to find happiness in anything, because you're just so sad and heartbroken. Eventually, you can get to a point where that's not the case anymore, and even if you're still thinking about your ex and sad about the break up, it's not messing with your life like it was in the beginning. It's still a roller coaster, but the rises and falls aren't as extreme anymore. This is where I am at right now. My ex is still almost constantly on my mind, but at this point it's just a vague picture in the back of my mind, that throughout most of the day I'm able to ignore, or at least not be bothered by. I'm guessing that this will continue to lessen more and more as time goes on. The real hard times are at night in bed while I'm trying to go to sleep. I don't know how to handle those dark hours where you're left with nothing but an empty room and your thoughts. These are the times where I still get emotional. Time will help, definitely. It doesn't ever get "easy," just a little bit less hard little by little, but the key is definitely to try your best to keep yourself occupied, especially with productive activities, and not to punish yourself by trying to stay in contact with them. Even little things like paying attention to their online profiles is enough to mess you up. Try and completely keep yourself free from reminders of them. Regardless of how you want the relationship to turn out in the future, this is the only way to proceed.

Day 24. A good friend randomly came home for a couple days, so it was nice hanging out with him. The week is going by slowly, but it's going fine. I can't recommend enough to others to find different things to do in your down time. Something that will keep you from just going on your phone and scrolling through Facebook or Twitter over and over. For me, it's mostly guitar. I've played guitar for years, but it's really been nice recently to be able to just grab that and practice if I'm having a weak moment. I also do crosswords, or read a book, though reading can be difficult because it's easy for the mind to wander. But yeah, get off the social media, and focus on something more productive!

Day 23. Busy day. Not a lot to say today. One of my best friends surprisingly came back to town today, so spent the night having beers with him and a bunch of other guys. Therefore, I was able to keep busy all night with other people, which is always a fantastic distraction.

Day 22. Starting to settle into a more normal state of mind. Still think about her almost all the time, but at this point it doesn't affect my mood, or hold me back from being productive. Like I said yesterday, I will keep posting every day until Day 30 and then stop keeping track. I just need to finish it out because of my own OCD compulsions!

Day 21. 3 week mark. Kept busy with work and guitar all day, and for being home by myself I'm pretty happy with how I was able to stay focused and keep my mind relatively off of her. Have an eventful week at work coming up tomorrow, so hopefully that will be helpful

I'll definitely continue with NC passed the 30 days, just probably won't be posting each day.