kleptoz28

If you're currently seeing someone else or he has a reason to think he would be rejected, he probably wouldn't admit to liking you. But his behavior would certainly indicate that he's starting to like you as more than just a friend. I mean, honestly, I've acted just like that in a similar situation before. He wouldn't be doing or saying that type of thing if he didn't have some feelings for you.

I don't particularly want her back as a girlfriend, mainly because of other self-destructive habits she has, and I've been over that for a while now. I feel fine about my own life and hardly ever talk to her now. I'm just concerned for her because she's ruining her own life. The problem I have is that if she's not going to listen to anything I have to say, it's probably not worth the stress for me to even try to help her see what she's doing to herself.

Me and my now ex-girlfriend broke up back in June. I have tried to be friends with her, but that doesn't come easy. Though I don't want her back, its still painful to talk to her frequently, so I've spoken to her only 3 or 4 times since then. I was close friends with her before we dated, and I've been making an effort to at least be a distant friend to her now. She had a guy she dated about a year before me that was a real jerk. He leeched off her, cheated on her, and treated her very poorly. She tried to leave him several times, but he always conned her into taking him back. I believe at the end of their relationship, he had taken ~$3k from her. He was good at manipulating her, and could get her to believe anything he told her. She always used to lean on me for support while she was with this guy, and she has said on numerous occasions that she would never be dumb enough to take him back. Fast-forward to now, three months after I have broken up with her. I was trying to be nice and asked if she wanted to hang out with me one day this weekend, just as friends. She informed me that she was trying to get back together with her ex, and he wouldn't appreciate her being around another ex of hers. I don't understand how in the world she could let him back into her life. Part of the reason we broke up is because she has some self-destructive tendancies, but this really blows my mind. She appears to allowing him to form her opinions for her, just like he used to when he was using her. I don't really know if there's anything I can say or do in this situation, but I don't want to see her get hurt like that again. This guy doesn't care about her and made a real emotional (and financial) wreck out of her several times before. Any ideas for how to get through to her? Trying to support her the first few times she went through this took an emotional toll on me, and I don't have any intention of having to do the same thing again if she runs back into a bad situation with him. I almost want to just tell her that I can't be there for her anymore if she does this.

Ated, some people don't want to admit they have a problem. Your exbf sounds a lot like my exgf. She used to say she was "different", but now she wants to "be single and have fun". And she totally destroyed my self esteem to boost her own ego, because anytime she did anything wrong she'd find a way to twist it around and blame me. And towards the end, she did call me "posessive", because of course it isn't a reasonable to get jealous if she goes out to smoke weed with other guys or anything. Its rough getting over someone, but from the sound of it, if your ex did this same type of stuff to you, you're better off without him.

I've posted here a few times over the course of a rocky 6-month relationship. Me and my ex broke up and got back together three times during that time. The last time she broke up with me, she played a lot of mind games with me and acted like a complete jerk, and I didn't speak to her for a month. But for some reason, after all she had done, I kept loving her and wanted her back. After a month of NC, I called her to try to talk. Only after having the time to heal from the breakup, talking to her felt different. It was like finally being able to completely see past all her BS. She started talking about all the things she had been doing since we broke up. (She's still working as a stripper, still has a weed problem, and has started trying E) And then she started to give me a speech about how she was happy being single and I would only be wasting my time trying to get her back. I had to interrupt her in the middle of it to tell her not to waste her breath because I wasn't interrested in her at all. After loving and missing her this whole time, I couldn't believe I was telling her that and really meant it. But after being apart from her and then talking to her again she just sounded so ridiculous. She was completely full of herself, she saw nothing wrong with the things she was doing, and had the ego to think that I would be "obsessing" over her as she put it. I ended up telling her that the type of lifestyle she was living was sleazy, and completely beneath me. I told her that she was a complete jerk to me the last few weeks we were together. And I even told her that she had changed and was a completely different person than when we first met, so much so that even the qualities that had made her a good friend weren't there anymore. ... The point of this post is that there are multiple reasons to try the No Contact rule. You may get your ex back if they realize they miss you... but you may also give yourself the time to realize that there were real reasons you broke up in the first place. And given enough time, once you're not blinded by love, you may be able to see your ex for who they really are, good or bad.

I can't offer it from her perspective, but I can offer some advice from someone who's been in your shoes. I recently broke it off with a girl whom I broke up and got back together with 3 times. She had changed, and became a completely different person than the girl I fell in love with. I was in denial about it. She still told me she loved me, and I believed her. But she acted like a different person around her friends than with me. And she excused all her behavior with crap about "a confusing time in her life" or "I need some time to...", always promising that things between us would be okay at some later time. I got tired of it. There's no special time in someone's life where it's okay for them to jerk on your emotional strings. And if she's having casual sex on top of that, forget her! Unless you're content to be her backup guy while she goes out and looks for someone else, just move on with your life.

It doesn't sound normal to me at all. But I've been in your situation, and it sucks. Always wondering if they're cheating or just not attracted to you. I just broke up with a girl last month because she was only interested in sex twice a month. It's not healthy or normal. Try talking to him. If he's not willing to address the issue between the two of you, or possibly seek some sort of counseling, you may have to move on unless you can be content without sexual intimacy between the two of you.

What's really strange is I've talked to her friends. Even they've noticed, and they've asked her why she's been acting so weird towards me (not just re: sex). According to them, she says she really does love me but doesn't know why she acts the way she does sometimes.

Me and my girlfriend have been having some issues lately, and I fear that I am within a few days or weeks of having to break up with her. We haven't had sex in a month. She's going through a rough time in her life now, but I've never been in a relationship where a girl was disinterested in sex, and I don't know what to do. She's been doing a lot of pot lately, and she works as a stripper. I know these things could create some sexual issues for her, but it hasn't really been an issue until recently. As an example, this past week was typical of what she does... I talked to her on the phone all week, and went out with her Wednesday and Sat. On the phone, she was talking about how she'd bought a bunch of condoms and couldn't wait till this weekend. Wednesday, I had to go home early because I had to be to work the next day, but she kept talking about how badly she wanted me this weekend. On Sat, some of her friends that annoy me were over, and she was flirting with me the whole time promising that it would be "worth my while" to put up with them. After they left, we started fooling around, then she went into her room to change. She came out in a sweatsuit, sat beside me, and said "I hope your being happy tonight wasn't contingent on us having sex or anything." WHAT THE @#$% IS THAT?!? I wanted to just scream. I've never seen anyone act like that. And after she had kept me awake till 5am dealing with her friends. I was so angry I drove home. I don't know what to do. I really love this girl, but she has lots of issues. She somehow has it in her head that all I want is sex. Even though if that were true, I'd have left her a long time ago. I don't understand how she can talk about it all week long, tease me all week, and then when I actually want sex, she holds it against me? I've never seen anything like it. Anyone got a clue what's going on with her?

I'm going to agree with sebaot on this one. There are a lot of things that sound fishy from what you say, and while you should be supportive of her, I think those are questions you have the right to know. Obviously, something strange was going on that got her in that situation.

I started to talk with her the other day about all the problems she was going through, but she said she didn't want to discuss it. She got kind of quiet and a little while later asked me to go home. It didn't get mentioned for a while, till she brought it up on the phone earlier today. I tried to avoid saying anything to her, but I was kind of forced to since she had brought it up. She became very angry with me, telling me "Who are you to try to control how I live my life?" and she hung up on me. She hasn't answered any of my calls since, even though I know she's home. I don't get it. She admits she has a problem sometimes, but other times she is absolutely hateful towards me if it gets mentioned. I've watched her sink into a drugged up depression, throw away her chances for an education, become a stripper, and now she's looking at rape porn. She's even recently mentioned joining the military because she thinks she can't do anything else with her life. I'm getting really tired, and starting to think its time for me to just get away from her. I know she was (is?) a smart girl, but here lately she just refuses to use her mind for anything. I don't know if I should continue trying to help her or just walk away from her. I would hate to hear that something really bad has happened to her and think that I'm to blame for giving up on her, but I don't know what else to do. I don't think I can continue to be with someone intent on destroying their own life.

So... if you die in the Matrix, you die here? Ok, but seriously, I haven't seen anyone actually die in a dream. But I fully believe it could be possible that your heart could stop or something if your brain convinces itself in a dream that you have died.

I don't know what (if anything) I can say or do, but I'm seriously concerned about the direction my girlfriend's life is taking. She was raped by a family member as a child, and I think it may be the underlying cause of a lot of really disturbing things she's been doing lately. Firstly, our relationship has been off and on for a while because she doesn't really know what she wants. But that's the least of the problems. She's started working as a stripper, and though she tells me its temporary till she finds something else, she's made no effort to find another job. For some reason, she's became increasingly disinterested in sex after she took that job as well... like she thinks of it differently now or something. She also told me she's going to be doing nude modeling for an art class, which wouldn't bother me so much, except that she's mainly doing it to be an exhibitionist. She's also getting heavy into drinking and is using weed on an almost daily basis now. But the most disturbing thing is that I was using her computer last night, and I opened IE and there was a history window up. "Someone" has been looking at rape porn on her computer. Not "normal" porn, but really sick rape stuff and even fiction/stories about strippers being raped. I confronted her about it, and she said that was sick and it must be one of her friends. But she seemed more angry that I found it than angry that it was actually there. Basically, I think she's lying to me about who was looking at that stuff. Her computer is password protected, so she would have had to let someone on it. And there's no way a friend of hers could have looked at that much of this stuff (hours worth on a dialup connection) without her knowing. Plus, I would think she would be worried if some guy was over there looking at that, but she seemed more angry that I found it than anything. I don't know why, but she's starting to change for the worse and I'm worried about the self-destructive behavior and also think she might have an unhealthy fetish. She doesn't admit to looking at the rape porn, but she admits to everything else she's doing being self-destructive. But for some reason, she won't stop or get help. I really love this girl and would do anything I could to help her. But I also can't stay with her much longer if she keeps heading on this path and getting worse, because it wouldn't be a healthy relationship for me to be in. Any suggestions for how to point her in the right direction before its too late? I know she probably needs professional help, but how do I mention that without having her resent me for it? (Sorry for the long post.)

If you still like him, DONT get involved as a third party in his current relationship, on either side. Obviously, you don't want them to get back together. But worse, what if you got involved and got blamed for driving them apart? I know it's difficult to stay out of the situation, but there is no good outcome from your getting involved in this. Either tell the guy she hasn't been online, or just tell him flat out that you don't feel it's appropriate for you to be involved in this.

oliveeyes, I know how you feel, because I'm in a very similar situation. My (ex)girlfriend told me she needed space to get things in her life straight. And now that I'm trying to give it to her, she's all over me when I see her. I know she's not interested in anyone else. Its like we're still together, except minus the label of boyfriend/girlfriend. And who the hell knows why. The only thing you can do is hang in there and hope he gets himself straight and wants to be with you when he does. Don't wait forever for him, though. I know the situation is tearing you up inside, and it isn't good to keep yourself in that frame of mind indefinitely. It may help you to set a date in your mind and move on if he doesn't come around eventually. Good luck to you.