GeeCee

I have no idea what your ex is thinking either. I know, though, that sometimes people say 'let's be friends' in order to ease their own guilt and the pain that they are causing to another. The problem with our partners leaving is, is it gives us too much time to analyse and over-analyse every little minute detail. I know this is not much help. G xx

Hope you guys are coping during the holidays. I remember ... it can be tough. Wishing you all well. G xx

Oh &*^& Majord ... I laughed so hard I cried. Personally, if her email were non-committal, I would not reply. Yes yes yes Majord I know what you are thinking - I am not an advocate of no-contact. It is a strategy. It works for some and not for others. Just as having contact does. I am all in favour of contact. However, I know that I am actually better off personally (although I do not believe that the relationship is) if there is no contact. If I make contact, I am WAITING for a reply. EXPECTING a reply. WISHING for a reply. LONGING for a reply. If I do not make contact, after a while, that waiting, expecting, wishing, longing fades. I would think that she will EXPECT you to reply. Don't give her what she expects. Chin up guys! G xx

Ok .... thanks for your PM - all good. All very very good in fact. I wanted you myself after I read that!!! Especially on the bus! So now you have to sit tight. She will respond. Just give it time. I suspect within two days. Sun is shining Majord, and I am NOT on a diet. Shall head out for a liquid lunch. You did a great job with the email. Try and catch you tonight! G xx

Thanks for your message Rob. I don't think that there is any more that I can add to Majord's pearls of wisdom. He has covered all bases!! I agree with him totally - email is the only way to intitate contact now. But do not blather on endlesslessly about all you are doing - that will appear to contrived. Personally, I would keep it very short and very sweet. Something along the lines of ..... 'I thought of yesterday ... was listening to the radio and singing along to ?? (insert song of significance to you both, but definitely an upbeat one with a good memory). Are you keeping well? Rob x' The intention is that she will receive a non-threatening and open email from you that might just stir up some feelings of nostalgia. You have also given her the green light to respond by asking how she is. Good luck. G xx The

Ok. Pretty much as I thought. The other guy - you need to find out whether he is simply a 'distraction'. Sometimes these things are thrown in to test the waters. You know ... along the lines of 'I have been seeing a fair bit of So-and-So' while you were away in order to tease out whether you had been seeing anyone while you were away. Do you get my drift. I know that if I have just finished with a guy, I do not tell him about a new guy. No no no. What is the point? Waiting is good. It is very good. G xx P.S. How are YOU REALLY FEELING Majord? Send me your MSN address and we can catch up.

So have you decided when you will see her yet? I was thinking about you last night Majord .... Well more thinking of your gal. Four months into a relationship.... This is my take - of course I may be a million miles away. But you know I love to yak!!!! Four months into a relationship I know whether I like a guy or not. I know whether I want it to go somewhere or not. I am quite intense so at the four month mark if it is not a fulfilling relationship I am gone. If it is a fulfilling relationship then we will both know by this time. So am wondering - is it that you both might have had quite strong feelings for each other, but that you both realised that you were going to be away for some time, so you almost 'put them on hold' in order to save the pain of separation? This is just a question because it is what I would do. Mentally remove myself from the feelings in order to avoid the pain. In doing this, I might then realise that hey, this is ok, I can live without this guy. Start doing the things I did before - friends, social stuff etc that I had put on hold for four months while I was dating. Then the guy comes back, and I am a little confused. Don't want to fly staight back into the intensity, but not sure whether I want him to go yet. Not sure that this helps. Am trying to understand what might be going through her head and how this might help you in your next plan. G xx

Gosh yes Majord .... SSDD. So ...... sorry you are in this situation Is manageable though. Seems to me you are doing all the right things. All the right things. Now it is just a waiting game - although of course keeping busy whilst playing that game. Getting fit, meeting friends. Faking it till you make it. I am good. I had the break-up with my man this time last year. I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Did not take calls. And took my time with emails. Of course, this made him realise that he could not live without me!!! Haaaaaa!!! Life. Remember though - lovers come back and lovers do not come back. Yes, of course they found us attractive once. Does not follow that that attraction will always be there. We have been in that situation ourselves when we have left someone. Have faith in yourself that all will be well and all will be well. Just might not turn out the way you planned. Hope you are all keeping well. G xx

Holy Hell!!! Is that YOU Majord?!?!??! Have been MIA for a while - pop back for a quick peek and find you here!!! How are you doing honey? G xx

Looky looky looky looky ...... it's Majord and Spatzcolumbo!!! Hello boys!!! You pleased to see me!?!??!?! Well, in answer to your question - he says that he told me that it was over because he got scared. Scared that it would not work out. Scared of the intensity of the feeligs. Scared. Scared. Scared. And why did he come back? He says that although we have a long distance relationship, he always felt that I was with him, and for the first time in our relationship he felt alone. And he did not like it. He said that he never doubted that he loved me, but that he had overcome his fears of being hurt. And so, last month I went to Senegal, where the love of my life is now working. My son and I spent two weeks with him - sun, sand, sea all the usual and it was magnificent. Is not going to be easy though. He is still a little skittish. But the good thing is is that he says he does not want to f&*& up again. He wants to invest in the relationship and he wants to commit. So, we shall see. But there is much talk of me either moving to Senegal with him, or us both moving to Morocco. We shall see ... we shall see ... Good luck in your quest all. G xx

Oh my oh my oh my shocked&dismayed!!! This is good .... this is very good indeed. Everyone on here should print this out, learn it off by heart and then live and breath it. This is exactly what I did. Exactly. Was not always easy. Even a couple of days before he really came back to me, I was faltering. But self belief is imperative. Good luck TO ALL OF YOU!! G xx

esboogies I cannot emphasise that enough. My best friend started to look at me with horror. I BELIEVED he was coming back, that he would not let go of me or of our relationship ... I REALLY REALLY BELIEVED. But there were dark dark times, when I was alone, and found it impossible to understand. I am not saying that my belief brought him back ...... after all he is a man. But all the trying to talk him round in the world would have done no good, in fact it would have done more damage. He came back because he wanted to. Did my BELIEF help that situation? No, but it helped ME. And made me realise that if he did not come back, I woudl be ok, because I believed in myself and the value of myself. It is hard, I know, but something you have to do. After all, if you do not believe in yourself, why the hell will anyone else? G xx

shockedanddismayed How lovely to see you again!!! Simply marvellous!! No. I started to make plans to go to Morocco. And guess what? F said, well if you are going to Morocco, I am coming too!! Last time I looked, Morocco IS a French speaking country, and F IS French, so seemed churlish to refuse his gallant offer!!! Hope you are OK S&D. G xx

Hey guys!!! Some of you regulars (Beec, Scout) might just might remember me!! A year ago I was anguishly posting asking HOW OH HOW DO YOU GET YOUR EX TO COME BACK?!?!? And then I started the most glorious love affair with a Frenchman that regularly took me to heaven and completely made me forget about the ex! Things were fabulous but our relationship was complicated by the fact that he lived in Nairobi and I was in England. The expense involved was tremendous, trips out to Nairobi every six weeks and phone bills larger than most mortgages each month. However, he asked me to come and live with him, I had just given up my job, was preparing to move and he dropped the bombshell that it was over. I was in Nairobi at the time, five days into a ten day break. Was terrible. Absolutely awful. I did EVERYTHING wrong. Was hysterical, crying, weeping etc. BUT HE WAS COMPLETELY IMMOVABLE. HAD MADE HIS DECISION. So I came back home. Now if you remember anything about me, it will be that I cannot do nc - used to torture me. But I came home alone. And I did what I have never managed to do before. I did not call him, I did not email him. I did not message him. Nothing. He sent a couple of messages about a week later. But I ignored them. And then on Day 16 of NC, he sent an email marked urgent saying that he needed to talk to me. So I chatted with him on messenger. He was crazy with worry he said. And he was missing me like crazy he said. Of course, I said, is natural. Is early days for us. (I was comforting him). I miss you too, I said. He asked what I was doing, and I told him that I was going to go ahead and make the move abroad. Of course he was somewhat surprised. The next day he sent me an sms, telling me that he missed me dreadfully. I replied saying the same. The next three days he sent sms's to me which I declined to reply. And finally the following day, when I felt ready to chat, I logged onto messenger. There he was - full of apologies - full of love - full of regret - wanted me back! Oh I said. That is surely wonderful, but we must take it slow. So ..... the key to getting your ex back? It has all been said. Get on with your life. Improve yourself. Work hard. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. And when they contact you, do not fall over yourself to let them in. Be cagey. Let them work for it, for YOU! But the bottom line, as we all know is this THEY WILL ONLY COME BACK IF THEY WANT TO!! I am posting this to those of you who need inspiration because I know that there are dark dark times when you feel abandoned. I wish you all love and luck and thank you for your kindness in the past. G xx

So ... um ..... have been away for some time. Needed to take a break and get life back on track. This site was fabulous in some respects, but also gives ridiculous hope in others. So here is my story .... decided that I had had enough of wondering about the ex. Enough .... enough .... enough. I am generally a proactive person, and decided to go out and do something about it. And so here it is ... am off to Nairobi next week with a MAN!!! Oh, his eyes are NOT GREEN!!! Yes, oh yes, oh yes .... there is life after the ex. There most definitely is. And love is a wonderful thing. I hope that you are all doing well. Good luck to you all in your quest. G xx