benchwarmer

By the way, I'm not trying to say that I'm above what you're experiencing. I feel it all the time, myself. But there is an irony in actually posting to a place, saying that it doesn't apply to you. You do see the contradiction, right? My thing is that I admit to searching for anything to connect with, eNotAlone included. Nothing seems to work very well. That book, along with a few others, seem onto something. When I go there, I undertand some things better. But, even still, I feel alone. Read the book and tell me what you think. I do goofy stuff to find pleasure. But it's always temporary. One thing I do know is that by giving so much of your present attention to the memory of her, you are not allowing anyone new to enter into your life. I am going through the same thing. There is a reason why I checked in the "Grief" section. Perhaps I'll hear from you later, Leo. Ciao.

I think sex is the most intimate act you can share with another person. So, it is healthy to view it as something special. Also, its purpose is to procreate. It's just a fact. Self control is something that is severely lacking in society. I'm not saying that sex, outside of marriage, is necessarily a bad thing. But it certainly is the opposite of casual contact. That has been muted or suppressed by those that cannot control their addiction to sex. I think the most important thing to do is be honest. Don't lie to get it. And if you truly just want casual sex, you should be prepared to handle the consequences; those include STD's, unwanted pregnancy, and less sensitivity to the act. Granted, all of those probabilities do a lot of damage to your psyche, during and after the temporary thrill of sex. So, let's not kid ourselves into thinking that sex can be casual. It's not. It's the most intimate physical act we can share with someone.

Hey Leo, You crack me up. You're an extremely intelligent person. I can say that definitively. Would you believe me, if I said that you were on the cusp of receiving what you're wanting? ...I know, you don't even know what you want. Yeah, OK. For starters, this reply is what YOU wanted. You made the call; here's the answer. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. It goes deeper, much deeper. Care to follow the white rabbit? Read this book, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Read it many times, meditate on it. Trust me on this. You will understand it. Some can't or don't or don't want to. But you will. There are other books out there. In fact, once you see this world for what it is, an extension of yourself, the answers will always be a breathe away, not just in books. And not just in therapists, who do their best with what they have and with what little you, no doubt, give them. One thing that you're going to have to do, as soon as possible, is to get rid of that piece of old metal in your pocket. Yeah, the ring. Throw it away. Say goodbye. She's gone. Next, stand outside, naked, and roll around on the ground. Look up at the sky and realize that you are experiencing a life that is much bigger than you, alone(the key word here). From there, only your love and imagination should steer you. Work is required in this life; it is a creative process. When you are dead, you will see her again, truly. Love someone right here, right now. That doesn't mean lie to them to have sex with them. It means giving yourself completely to this world, to the experience, to another person possibly. Positive energy is required. But really, think about it, you're working hard already on feeling nothing or being charismatic. Why not toss those aside and work on something creative and enlightening? You've experienced much. I bet you'd be a good writer, if you would write all of those things that lurk in your "nothingness". Oh yeah. You've got some stories to tell. Creativity is only useful if done to please yourself; so don't write for me or anyone else. Just have fun. This can be done without lying or hurting others or, what it all comes back to, yourself. Cheers, former Everclear drinker. ...oh, you've got some stories to tell.

I enjoyed it very much. I liked the openness of it. It could apply to a specific person or the devil or even yourself. The only comment I have is that the picture you have created is not consistent. If his hands are pulling at your heart, then you can't be standing behind him. Maybe that could be changed to "kneeling before" him? Of course, the most important opinion is yours. And the main point to poetry is to express yourself; and you did that well. Thanks for sharing.

If all you see is suffering, you aren't looking in the right places. This website has many visitors who are in pain; but, from my limited time spent here, I see at least 3 or 4 cheerful posts to every sad one. This thread is an example. You posted about your pain and you received at least 3 responses telling you to keep your chin up. Whether we walk through this life happy or sad is purely our choice. I've met people who have been dealt serious blows in this life who carry their spirits high; I've seen people who get all the breaks remain jaded and comically shallow. Go outside and smell the spring air; look at the pictures in the clouds. Find the sense of wonder that you must have experienced in childhood. Share it with your kids. Hold your baby's hand; experience the joy in your children's eyes when you tell them you love them(and tickle them). This grand design of life is not meant for you to see completely. Just have faith that your needs will be taken care of and the struggles that you face will help you in the grand design. Life is nothing but hard; but it is not all suffering. Even for the most down-trodden, life is 99 parts wonder and 1 part pain. But we disproportionalize this by focusing on that 1 part of pain. At the end of the day, we may look back and see that we've spent the entire sun drenched day worrying about something that should have had very little burdon on us. Cursing someone else's seemingly charmed life is another way in which we forget our own blessings. Live, love, and learn. If you can do those three things, maybe one day you can make your own positive reply to someone in need of help here at this website. I have had suicidal thoughts and fought with depression; I imagine that, as long as I'm alive, I will always have to battle those feelings. But they are few and far between now because I have focused on those three things. This life requires work and work is suffering. But don't fight the suffering; if you do, you are experiencing twice the pain you were meant to, the pain of suffering and of fighting. It's a wonderful world for those who dare to wonder. Let God be the shepherd; we are the sheep. When we try to be the shepherd, we create lots of work for ourselves that is completely unnecessary. Make it a great day! Pass it along.

You need to address your needs. They are what made you post this. I won't tell you to get over this guy; I don't know your relationship well enough. However, you need to be honest with yourself and him by stating your needs. It is healthy to want an intimate, affectionate relationship. If you guys can never meet in person, you both are denying yourselves this intimacy that is required for a relationship to grow. State your needs and cooperate with his. If these needs cannot practically get met, consider someone local. There are plenty of people out there. You can move on; it's hard but possibly necessary.

I should say it is fun talking about this. I didn't mean to imply an end to this thread.

Without much information, I would not suppose an answer to your specific problem. But I'll give you an extreme example of when I might lie to someone to help them: I'm being robbed in my house, with a gun to my head; a friend comes to the door and asks to come in. I would probably tell them an excuse, a lie, to make them leave. There are less extreme examples I could give. But the point is to give love to the people around you. If everyone did that, there may be less reasons to lie. We have been given many abilities in life, it is ok to use them. But the question must remain "why?". Lying can be a dangerous weapon to play with. And it is a weapon, make no doubt. I am an actor; I play with lies all the time. But as an actor, I know that to truly be able to pretend or lie, I must have a clear hold on my truths. And ultimately, even acting, the art of lying, is actually about the art of telling the truth. We all lie, in many different ways. In a convoluted way, wearing make-up or saying "I'll see you later" is a form of lying. And it isn't a lie, when I say to you... Have a nice day. It's been fun talking about this.

Well, I hope leftovers of me is still reading this thing. If she is, I'll say this: You are a good writer. And I don't say that to everyone. I like to write. I'm too scared to publish yet. But I will. You can't tell me that coming up with your screen name didn't provide some excitement for you.

I think you started to answer your own question. #4 looks an awful lot like an answer; take out the first 4 words. At least it is a probable answer to your problem. Truth is not easily defined. Many books have been written on that subject. Check one out. It might fascinate you. And if you're already looking for truth, you might as well check out the fascinating ideas first. But, alas, we are bound, at least temporarily, to limited knowledge of our world and selves. A lie, for me, is a malicious act. We all say crazy things; we all say wrong things. Maybe the question to help you in your quest for truth is "Why?".

What exactly did you do to get in this situation? I just get the feeling that you're leaving something out. Is there absolutely no one that you care about and can trust?

You're pretty funny, jester. I too live in a cowboy populated town, Tulsa. I have a lot of conservative and liberal beliefs; so I try to find common ground when talking politics. But I avoid it usually. And it is frustrating to feel you are alone. I feel that way all the time. I was going to post a similar thread to yours just a couple of days ago; we're in sync. I have felt that this world doesn't even want me in it. I have felt that this world has even taunted me to end it all. And if I am forced to find solace from some commercial website, then I must really be alone and desperate. So here I am, alone and desperate. But here I am today; ready to take this world's abuse one more day. America is at a crossroads right now. We must trim our fat and be conscious of our brothers and sisters around us. This place can make me sick; don't get me started on politics. I just don't want to live in a world where lying and deception is rewarded with the Presidency of my country. So, what am I going to do? I hold many people in high esteem, like Martin Luther King, Norma Rae, Jesus, and many, many others. I think about the good people that have graced this world; I start to learn about their struggles and how they fought against so much antagonism. I try and look around everyday to see the good that people do. And you know what? It's there. You have to actively look though. Good people are out there, everywhere. The deeper this pain in you is, the more your heart is trying to tell you something. But instead of ending it, make a dream, a hope. Even if that dream is fantastical like world peace. Make it and pursue it. Actively pursue your dream. The road will be long and hard; but it will be your true path to follow. It will put people in perspective and you may just begin to meet people with similar goals. This life ain't easy; it's a lot of work. But work toward that desired feeling; that's why you're feeling that. Even if working toward your dream sends you through fire and brimstone, you will be making this place that much better. Take some deep breaths; look at the beauty of the world. It's there. You may want to get involved in some artistic pursuits. Take some community art courses or get involved in a community theater. You will meet some fellow liberals even in Dallas. You have to work at it though. Doing nothing makes you that much more depressed; or at least it does for me. I may not have the answer you are looking for; but you alone truly have that inside you. By the way, I think highly of this website. But most of the problems that people have are much too big to be helped through type on a computer screen. People must treat other people better. Give love to those around you, even if they don't give it back. Just keep giving it. Meet people; as a race, we must relate to each other. It is imperative in this e-world, where isolation runs rampant. Mingle; volunteer to be a stage hand in a play; you'll learn some things and meet some folks. Learn tap dancing; ask a fellow classmate to get a coffee. It will happen. Don't just wish to survive this world; fight to change it for good. The power of good needs all the support it can get these days. Seriously. So pound your fist on the table and the next time someone says something negative; change it to a positive. It's a puzzle; enjoy the path. You don't have to be a Christian to be good. They don't own that. Being good isn't about Bible thumping or preaching; it's buying your coworker a soda just to say have a nice day. It's smiling; not to hide your sadness, but to simply give joy. Tell a joke; with pain comes humor. Trust me on that. With a name like jester, I'm sure you've ripped a few jokes in your time. Out with it. Keep it up. Don't let anyone take your humor away from you. If this world doesn't greet you with open arms; then you just open your arms and greet the world. Maybe, just maybe, this old world is depressed and needs some lovin' from its humans, from you. Drinking's cool; but it will drown you sooner or later. Watch out for that and have a fantastic day. Spread some love. Peace.

I'm a guy; but I think it's more important to tell us what you think of it. Unless getting a bunch of forum women, to tell you that she still likes you, gives you the confidence to respond to her. And if she really meant something to you then what would a few forum opinions matter? That's my 2 cents.

That is a good site, gothik. I just discovered this place. I think some people are putting the internet to good use by helping others like this. This site and the SI site are the kinds of things that give me hope and bolster my faith in humanity. There are people out there that do seem to care. But I think everyone can relate to being alone and sad. And sometimes, most of the time, there are no easy answers. But knowing that there is a refuge out there for people that want it is nice to know.

It doesn't matter. The point of a forum is to share. If you are passing judgement, then you are not sharing. Be honest, even if that means you say something stupid. Because you will learn. And learning about others and, hopefully, yourself is what makes a forum work. Certainly don't stress about it. If you are, then you should definitely say the first opinion that hits you and submit it, just to make some mistakes. Mistakes make you learn. You will get people correcting you(like your spelling for one thing ); but the people that are nice and are here to truly share will see that same quality in your posts. They will support your growth, even if it means disagreeing with your opinion. Just be considerate. And forums shouldn't be taken too seriously, by nature. It's just talk. Many people have just as many reasons for coming here. Just be yourself and be open to making an occasional bad statement and getting disagreements.