luckystar
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Does one little call destroy the "No contact"
luckystar replied to Prestin's topic in Getting Back Together
yes...one phone call means you must start all over again sorry to burst your bubble....but i believe it to be true i am on day 63 right now.....of not initiating contact.... i have gotten 8 emails from her....the last one being a week ago today... and have gone to lunch with her 10 days ago at her request.....but i have never once initiated contact..... i will be however initiating for the first time this thursday if i dont hear from her this week......the pressure is off now...the neediness i showed around christmas has been diminished so much that she asked me to a second lunch that she wants to pay for......i know she is missing me right now and is waiting for me to make a move..... every situation is different, but me breaking the no contact later this week is okay in my circumstance because: 1. enough time has elapsed....this is a major factor 2.she has shown interest in me quite a bit....by asking me out twice and sending eight emails... 3. we did not talk about the relationship once in any email or the lunch meeting and we wont unless she brings it up 4. i played it cool in all of the emails and lunch and now she is the one doing a little chasing .....she WANTS me to make the next move...but i am going to give her a few more days and see if she breaks down and does it first....if not, i'll do it later this week.... -
This is the situation guys. Please offer me advice, opinions
luckystar replied to danimal77's topic in Getting Back Together
I am very sorry if I come accross rude, impolite, mean or otherwise......I do not want to hurt anyones feelings......BUT You are living a lie.....if you continue with your actions and the neediness that you are showing here on this forum.....YOU WILL NEVER GET HER BACK! The way you talk on this forum proves that you have NOT changed back to the person you were when the two of you started dating......you are desperate and it is CLEAR AS DAY to anyone who reads your messages.......NO CONTACT!!!.....I mean NONE for 60 days unless initiated BY HER!!! If you do this....you may have a chance.....otherwise....I am telling you....your chances the way you are handling it now are less than 15-20% good luck ...... -
"No Contact" Warnings/ my experience/ getting your
luckystar replied to dinopq's topic in Getting Back Together
i think your story will hurt people on this forum....encouraging them to not do no contact will prevent them from healing themselves.....too many people have benefited from the no contact rule for you to come on here and cause damage..... i am on day 53 of no contact initiated by me and she has initiated 5 emails in the last week after a ton of time away....i am meeting her for lunch and havent seen her in two and a half months, but her emails suggest she is nervous and wanting to see what is going on in my life and if i still have the same feelings i had before.....i will be a success story for this forum....i am sure of it.....and just because you werent one of those, only means you and that partner were never meant to be together and that is okay.....live life to the fullest, do the best you can for yourself and good things will happen -
another 30 days of no contact initiated by you and then you can start contacting him....it is OK to reply to his initiated contacts
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also....you are WAY too excited about her call.......i can tell you without knowing either of you.....that it meant NOTHING in the whole scheme of things....so get over it and move on.....as time goes by....things will work themselves out....
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tomorrow is day 1 all over again for you......dont get too excited.....keep a goal of 60 days and do it!! I guarantee she will be calling before then....but maybe not for awhile, so relax, take care of yourself and know that you are doing the right thing....if you break down and contact her again....you will lose more of your chances of getting her back...
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let me put it bluntly.....your chances just went from about 50% in getting her back all the way down to about 20% with that phone call.....keep it up and it will be zero before you know it..... blind faith.....do it or lose her forever.....that is all i am going to say....if you cannot read all the stuff people are saying about how no contact works, and still not listen....then it is what you deserve......buck up...be a man...leave her alone and take care of yourself....read this post of mine....can you not see what is happening with me???? i now have a lunch date with her for this friday AT HER REQUEST!!!!!!!! that should be convincing enough....if not....then i dont know what is
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i did some neediness type of stuff for the first month and then told her i cant heal if we keep contacting each other, so then the no contact began.....and she has done EVERY bit of initiating since.....on day 28, 45, 46, and now again today to ask about the day to go to lunch....i am responding, but not initiating....i will eventually initiate at some point, but by then, i will already have her where i feel we'll be back together soon
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heck no....i did not end the relationship......if i did, i wouldnt be trying so hard to get her back
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i do not believe she is with anyone else...which helps....but i see where you are coming from with a lack of time....but even doing a few of those things will help.... willpower....you have to believe that you can get through it....and fight for your ex..... when i say fight for you ex.....i mean by NOT contacting her/him....that in itself is fighting for them...but in a different way than most would suggest you do such as flowers, gifts, begging, etc..etc... whenever i wanted to give in and contact her.....i would convince myself that by doing so would be giving up on her.....which is exactly the opposite of what many no contact skeptics believe.....so i decided i was NOT going to give up......so i used it as motivation in the gym to get in shape....she isnt going to know what hit her....her mouth will drop and my charm is going to bring her back....she still loves me....i know this for a fact....how i know, i will not post until a later date....but i cant be the one to go running to her.....she has to convince herself to come back to me for it to be successful for both of us
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i almost gave up on day 12 and 26 so hang in there.....it is the hardest thing i have ever done..... i know you want to give in but you cant......i do not think it is wise to ignore contacts from your ex when they come......how you reply will determine your fate in the situation.... i thought she wouldnt contact me either......but it happened.....you have to have blind faith....that is all i can say.... things that helped me make it through to this point: 1. a really close friend to talk to when i was down that wouldnt judge me 2. wellbutrin 3. weekly meeting with a counselor 4. the book "Bonds that set us free" 5. one to two "Al Anon" meetings a week 6. working out every day i can....i have lost 26 pounds in two months and now have a six pack that she has never seen (i went from a 38 waist to a 33 waist and she is gonna be SHOCKED when she sees me) al anon for me is not about dealing with an alcoholic friend or relative but it helped me IMMENSELY and am still going....i cant stress this enough....if you can force yourself to go to 6 meetings....your life will improve greatly....i dont talk when i am there....i just go in and listen.....then i leave....
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my first email reply was nice, but only two sentences and a bit standoffish....she didnt send me another email for awhile but i suspect it is because she was shocked that i didnt give her something to feed off of and i stated things were going well.....and actually many people thought the email was a tad bit impersonal.....but that was the plan.... she sent me another one 17 days later.....i replied with a little more niceness and more info about what i was up to, but still no neediness..... she replied soon after and i sent another one back that was a bit standoffish again...but still nice in nature.....basically.....happy, but calm and cool at the same time..... when i post my story in a month or so....i will give specific details that i cant give now because i would be getting ahead of myself.....although some may think i already am....... now the ball is back in her court to set up the meeting date/time.....
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and for you skeptics of the no contact rule......if i would have contacted her anytime throughout this whole process...i would NOT be in the position i am right now with an opportunity to see her, have her contacting me and would not be emotionally ready to resume a relationship that i hope to last a lifetime.... you must blindly believe it will work.....it is hard....i am a person who is impatient....i always want answers right away.....i like to have reasoning behind what i do....and this was a leap of faith and taking advice of others that i was not sure would work.....i did it anyways......and i am 100% convinced if i would have done otherwise...my chances would have decreased significantly....
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today is day 50.....i feel much better than i did awhile back.....my ex has contacted me three times....on day 28, 45, and 46.........i replied to all of her contacts, but was happy, calm and cool in them.....i was asked to get together sometime soon for a bite to eat..... i consider myself still in no contact since i have not initiated anything...and i plan to be up here in the next month or so with a very inspiring success story....i cant write it yet....but in due time it will happen....as long as i play my cards right....i will get the love of my life back and will share the experience with those here.....you can bet that when i do get her back, all the mistakes i made in the relationship prior will not be repeated this is a big roller coaster ride and you have to just try and wait out the ups and downs.....i have no set date yet to meet the ex for lunch but am confident it will come sooner than later..... good luck to all
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"Bonds that make us free" by Terry Warner Best book anyone on this site could ever buy......I think you should too......I have read most if not all of your threads and think you would be amazed at what it will do to change your life and heart. take care