I dont know who to tell, but i've been feeling down lately. I've just moved over to australia and started a new school. It's an all girl's school and the majority are asians. I'm asian, and when i look at the other girls, i feel so ugly. They're all so skinny and pretty, and the stuff they wear is pretty, and i know i dont feel good enough about myself to even wear a less than baggy tshirt with pride. I hate the way i look, and i cant stop comparing myself to other girls but everytime i feel lousy, another part of me is saying "Godamnit you deserve to feel this way. Look at you, the reason why you're a grunger in the first place isnt because of your love for the music and your guitar, it's because you loathe wearing the clothes normal girls wear because you're simply not worthy to even be considered female. You know you're not pretty, so dont even pretend to act as though you are cos you're not. You're better off dressing like a guy." And that's exactly what i do, i dress like a guy. I just hate feeling this way. It's really strange for me as well because when im around guys, i act like one, and when im with girls, i still act like a guy and at the end of the day, i feel like the ugliest, unsexiest person in the world who doesnt belong either of the two sexes. I just wish i was attractive, or less ugly, i wouldnt even mind being a tree.
