Chupa Chup

i want you to know that i have experienced what your boyfriend has experienced... the only difference is that after FIVE years he's decided that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because he never could feel love for me and we had broken up in the end. you can do a search on my story if you want to know what happened. what i want to say to you is : please don't EVER think of telling someone that you love them just because its a nice thing to say or that you felt you had to say it to make them happy. this happened to me during the first year of my relationship and you just don't know how it feels when your partner turns around and says to you, "oh actually, i'm sorry - i didn't know what it meant to say those three words to you. i had said them only because i felt it was a nice thing to say and i didn't want to disappoint you." you will never know how that feels until you are on the other side so please, you have to be very HONEST with your partner and let him know before you hurt him. i have been tremendously hurt by what has happened and it will take me a long while to heal from the pain and hurt. i know i am slowly healing inside because i can feel it - its only been a month but now i know why we had to break up. i know he regrets what he has done and feels a lot of pain and guilt about it but there are scars that will take a while to heal. i hope you can learn from my lesson because what was said is so TRUE - leading a person on no matter how long a length of time is one of the meanest things you can ever do to play with his emotions and toil with his feelings. be an adult about it and be honest. forgive me if i sound harsh but i just needed you to know what its like from the other side of the grass. its certainly not greener. good luck and i hope things will work out for you in the end, weather you both end up together or not.

thanks cobro and the others for your story... i just want to say that the no contact rule certainly does help you heal inside no matter how slow the process is. its been a month since my ex broke up with me and since then we have not called each other or made any attempts to contact each other. this is especially easier to follow when you are in different countries. (he's in asia and i'm in australia) i am glad for those of you who have triumphed through this "no contact" rule and i am sorry for the way your exs have treated you. i believe that you will all find someone who will treat you and love you so much more. my ex had promised me to work things out at a very difficult time in our relationship but he turned around and said that he didn't want to be in this relaitonship anymore. after breaking up with me, he very convienently packed his bags and flew back to asia for work 12 hours after that. what a coward. however, my break up story is rather different from the rest of you because he couldn't feel love for me in our relationship after almost 5 years. so, it was just wrong to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't love you for that long. my point is, i am glad for those of you who have gone through the rough and difficult patch of time and who are still fighting on hard to get yourselves back to the happy and confident people that you once were. i am also doing that myself. its been a month since we spoke and tho i wished with all my heart that sometimes he would call me and say how STUPID he's been to have let me go and ask me back, i am slowly beginning to feel that i don't really want to be with this person anymore because he's got some serious psychological emotional problems that he's gotta solve on his own. but the question is: will he ever call me one day out of the blue and tell me he misses me or just to say HI? (i know he misses me and feels a lot of guilt by what he has done) please take care of yourselves and take the time inside to heal. thanks for answering my question.

i am sorry to hear of your break up with your girlfriend. i am glad tho that you've found this web site to come here for help. this web site has helped me so much in my own break up. like you, i also broke up with my boyfriend after almost 5 years and it was the saddest day in my life. however, we all here will tell you that time will heal the wounds, tho you may not see it now. just take your time to heal, and take the time to read the comments and advice given in this web site with discernment ok? we are all here to help each other in our time of need. take care of yourself. time will heal your pain and wounds - you'll see.

hi RCH i would say to just be friends with this girl because i really believe that no matter what, we shouldn't get involved with people who are already involved with someone else. there is certainly no harm to just be friends and you never know where the friendship might lead you. (to other people, perhaps?) i wish you all the best and if you and her were meant to be then i might happen in time... in the meantime, just enjoy your friendship with her ok? all the best to you cheers chupa chup

hello everyone i've been rather quiet for the past 3.5 weeks since my 1st post. i've been taking my time on this path of grieving and healing and also taking time to read other people's posts and learning from them. thank you for all your constructive advice and comments. i can say that time really does heal the wounds, pain and hurt (very slowly) i've been going through but its the memories of my past relationship that has me shaken up most times when they go through my mind no matter how hard i try to stop thinking about it and distract myself. sometimes, in the middle of something, they seem to just hit you and shake up your system when you least expect it and it makes me feel like a soldier wounded and defeated amongst the war fields. just when i THINK i'm alright, a sudden wave of grief hits me and its been so weary tho i try hard to carry on fighting. through this process, i have managed to accomplish a "great" skill in looking out at windows or just staring at ceilings/walls/objects with this blank look on my face. i have been trying hard to lead a normal life and get back to my exercise / life routine but i just hate it when memories (good and bad) just floods my mind and throws me momentarily into another planet or universe, in my own private world of hurt and pain. i KNOW i am moving forward very slowly - its just this thing that makes me burst out into tears or makes me retreat back into my own private emotional hell. this break up has left me pretty scared about going into another relationship for a long while. (i'll give myself about a year) perhaps i say this only bearly a month (3.5 weeks) after it happened but right now, i just find getting back into the dating world just too intimidating and scary. i look at young men on the street, around me, probably really nice, caring and genuine people and all i can think of is how scared and unable i am to even WANT to date again. my broken heart is learning to mend itself back again. i'd like to make new friends though. it is something i'm almost ready to do now but to get into the dating world again is impossible now. i guess this is normal eh? have any of you ever dreamed about your ex where the main theme was abandonment after your break up? i've never had dreams about my other exs as such until this time. they usually include him walking away or ignoring me or just walking past me silently and i feel lost and abandoned with nowhere to go. in these dreams, its really REAL to me that i have indeed lost him. when i wake up, there's a sense of sadness and loss. not only are my dreams a reality but even in my sleep i can't escape it! however, time has made me realize a few important things that i need for closure. i now know that it was the best thing for us to part because you simply can't continue to stay in a 1 sided relationship any longer. i also realized that he's just an individual who's just really emotionally messed up, frustrated, confused and who has these deep seeded issues with feeling love that are just so blocked up, it will take a long while for him to deal with. the worst thing is that i love him still but i can't help him through this. maybe what was said is right - i just need to leave him be to deal with it himself. only HE can help himself, not me, not anymore. i just want to move on (tho painfully and slowly) with my life and learn to smile, trust and love again... in time. my apologies for this whinge but i thought i'd just drop a post as an update. i know i am slowly but surely recovering (the no-contact rule has helped tremendously). we have not contacted each other (and i don't think there's any intention to) since the day we broke up. its just sometimes so difficult to realize and accept how a good thing could have gone so wrong and now what's left are nothing but memories and a sense of "what might have been". BUT, we pick ourselves up and TRY to move on with a smile, knowing that time will only make things... BETTER.

hey destructoboy perhaps its time you should change your nick to "now i am happy-boy". after reading your post, it has given me encouragment that i'll also be where you are with TIME. i'm still trying to cope (its only been 3 weeks, how long did you take to get where you are??) but i know i WILL get there with time. i wish you all the happiness, joy and love your 2 hands can ever hold and good luck with your new friend! cheers chupa chup =D>

hi you guys thanks for taking the time to give some advice... i am now seriously considering weather i should really send something to him... i think not after reading through your posts. however, the initial purpose is just to let him know that i'm still nice and thoughtful enough to send him something and i never wanted any "thank you" or phone calls / emails from him thanking me. i just want to give him his present (mailing it overseas) and not expect ANY thanks or any kind of contact. i will make it known in a short note i write to him. does that make a difference??

thank you so much for posting those encouraging lines. how true they are? i especially like the one that says: 8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. it helps encourage my heart and many people's too. i hope you'll start healing inside as well. take care yah? ps: what a lovely way to start the day with encouraging words like that!

hi i know how hard it is to have the no contact rule. its only been 2 weeks for me and already i am beginining to have no contact withdrawal symptoms. the loneliness and emptiness without him in my life is really starting to kick in and affect me. however, i am not going to call him or email him for his b'day because i have said everything i have wanted to say to him. he's not in the same country as well (he went back overseas to work) so its easier for me not to see him. but i know his b'day is coming up in 3 weeks time and i'm also thinking if i should let him know that i'm still thinking about him and do something thoughful for his b'day by mailing him something overseas. (we broke up rather amicably) i am torn between getting him something and not getting him something. what does your heart tell you? my heart tells me that even though we're not together, i'd still like to show him that i can forgive him for what he's done and that i still do care for him no matter what. so what do you think? to give or not to give?? what do the rest of you think? would be great to get some advise on this. thanks so much you guys...

hello you bunch of people who are responsible for this web site i just want to say (and i've said this to avman before) how thankful and grateful i am (as many many other people here feel the same way) to have found this website for good relationship advise, for comfort to the brokenhearted, for hope to those who are weary and basically for the good company of making new friends and knowing that there are other people out there who are going through the same thing as you are. this website has taught me things i never knew before about getting through a break up. my past 2 experiences with a break up left me pretty much direction-less, lost, and not knowing the ways to cope. don't get me wrong, this is the worst and most painfully heartbreaking break up i have ever been through but i have learnt so much from here that has helped me cope better with my current situation. i'm in the very very early stages of a break up and its going to be some time before i can be myself again and ready to meet new people. my point is, THANK YOU SO MUCH for those of you who up-keep this website, for creating a place where so many of the brokenhearted can come to for comfort and hope. you have been such a blessing to me and to so many other people. it means so much to us. God bless you all in a very special way. thankfully chupa chup

i'm sorry that you're going thru this now and i know its not fair. i just want to share with you what i have learnt about this. i was in a bad bad relationship with my 2nd ex a few years ago and i have just broke up with my 3rd ex after 4 1/2 years. when i got together with my 3rd ex almost 5 years ago, there were some emotional scars and baggage that i had brought into my latest relationship. but this beautiful man helped me heal the scars and i will love him always for everything he's done for me and for everything he's helped me thru esp the passing of my loved one few years back. what i'm trying to say is that if your partner is trying his/ her best to help you heal the pain (if you want him / her to) and you want to TRY and let them into your life, then it really could be the best thing to get you thru your pain and insecurities. ONLY if you're ready to. but on the other hand, if you're not ready to be in a relationship, and you need time and space away to deal with your issues, the best thing you can do for yourself is to tell your partner that you need time away to deal with the issues you're facing. because being with someone and not being able to give your best is really not fair to the person and you. i have learnt that you have to deal with your OWN issues first before you can give anyone else anything. if you don't try to deal with those issues, you will find that the same issues you faced in your previous relationship will re-surface again in your present relationship. that's why sometimes people seem to be in relationships where the same probs keep coming up time and time again. you might be happy at first but sonner or later the issues will surface. think about it ok? i KNOW that because i have been thru it but my heart was willing to let him in and help me. and i'm glad i did. if not, just take some time away and deal with yourself first before you can give anything back to the present person. hang in there.. and think about it. i'm sorry if what i have said might offend you. i'm just being really honest. take care...

hello soul_seeker i agree with what avman said. 3 weeks is not long at all and it will take some time to heal. you know in this website i've read just like you, of the many many heartbreaking stories of failed relationships but the thing is we will move on eventually and heal. that's what this website is all about. i'm so glad i have found this website because its one of the ways to help me heal. have a good long cry, it sounds like you need to. its our body's natural way of letting off the pain and stress. my crying sessions come in waves and the yucky thing about it is that it comes in waves and hits you when you least expect it. i have read many times that THIS IS NORMAL. i know how much you hurt because i am hurting so much too. thing is, my ex is in asia right now, back at work and i'm here so i know i won't be seeing him for a very very long time and i might not even see him ever again. you know how scary and depressing that it? what you need is time away and to do your own thing. i know its hard to get out of the house, meet friends etc. i tried that a few times and came home crying because i couldn't even make it through. but it WILL get better with him. its only been a week for me and i have a long way to go until i heal so take heart ok? don't give up... just come to this website for comfort in the meantime. its really helped a lot of people like us. take care.....

i just want to say to those of you who have read my story and those of you who have taken the time and trouble to post me a reply or a private message: THANK YOU for all your words of comfort, advise, encouragment, for sharing your own personal experiences with me, for telling me what its like coming from the OTHER side and for your prayers and thoughts. (even though we are total strangers) i always believe there is light at the end of this dark discouraging tunnel. i know that i am walking through this dark tunnel now and i will make it through with time and with much of God's help and prayers. i have been through the death of loved ones too, will in the future have to deal with more discouraging and sadder heartbreak and loss but God helps us though it with his own mysterious way. this will help me be a stronger person and that maybe i can use the lessons and strength i have been given to help others in their difficult times. i am so glad we can find in each other, some comfort, words of encouragment and HOPE in the words and experiences we write about. this wonderful, kind, beautiful man, with his heart of gold is hurting and feeling so guilty somewhere in asia right now but he'll always know that a piece of my heart and my love will always belong to him for keeps no matter where he is, no matter who he's with, whenever he's sad and lonely, he knows he can always lean and go to this piece of love he has from me and find his comfort and hope there. he says he will never forget me, i hope that he will always keep me in his heart of gold. i thank God for having sent me this beautiful, warm and gentle man into my life. maybe one day, when this pain shall pass, we can reunite again and maybe be friends again. but for now, time is needed for all the pain and hurt to heal. time is what he needs to sort himself out on the inside as a person. i wish this man all the love in the world as i have loved and still do love him with all my entire heart and soul. please don't feel shy and drop me a line if you want ok? you can also send me private messages. i look forward hearing from you. thank you again to those people out there who have shared with me. i wish you much happiness, joy, laughter in your lives and most of all, LOVE. xoxo chupa chup

i wish you all the best to you, your new baby, your husband to be and your lives together. may it bring you much joy, happiness, laughter, strength and most of all love.

i agree with bdub - you can feel 2 feelings at the same time. both happiness and excitedness but also love and pain too. i am going thru those very things right now. sometimes you go round and round you feel confused. he was honest with you and i don't doubt that he loves you. however, this is the time to think about yourself now and let time heal your wounds. you might think right now you could never get over this guy but you will. take what others have posted in this forum and use the advise given to you in any way you want. we all believe in each other tho we're total strangers that we all will get the healing we want in time. we also need to learn from the lessons we have been taught through these painful experiences. keep your heart open to new and MORE wonderful experiences that lie ahead of you. YOU are what's impt now ok? please take care of yourself and your heart...