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paradoxical

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  1. 2nd day of nc because i broke it on monday! sucks to the max.. i went to confront my friend ..im so scared she'll tell the ex even though she says she wont?! and now she knows that i still care about the ex a lot im so afraid she wont ever let us meet i tried to be nonchalant but guess i was too weak .. ?? somehow i dont even know going nc was the right way to handle my situation i wonder if its a good time to talk about trying again and giving another shot and time to be honest instead of acting non chalant and going nc honestly i dont feel hurt any more.. and nc's mainly for getting past the pain right??
  2. ohgod. broke nc because the ex msned me an apology. so i replied that it was alright. and the ex said 'okay good nth to say from thr. ARGH!!! DEAD CONVERSATION?? ohwells time to reset the counter back to 0 -.-
  3. day 22 of nc . left my comp switched on overnight to upload a video on Facebook. checked the comp in the morning to see that the ex left an offline message saying 'sorry that I couldn't make it in the end. something came up ' haven't replied yet. should I ?? or just ignore?
  4. Day 21 of NC (excluding the time when it was my birthday and he inititaed contact) Mutual friend just told me that he said that i dont bother initiating contact w him and i don't tell him much about my life now. uhhh??? i think he was the one who didnt even tell me anything about HIS life and seems so uninterested and cold all our conversations while i try to lighten the mood and DID let him know a bit about my life ... like he knows that recently i've started clubbing. i dont even know what the hell he does with HIS life and i dont think i really care now. as tempting as it is to start contacting him... i guess i shall continue playing the waiting game... if he really wanted me he would come talk to me i'm done with initiating contact in the past and getting NO REPLIES AT ALL!!! nonetheless, its kind of a step forward to getting him to meet me... he almost decided to come meet me and my friend today, but in the end he backed off ohwell, wasn't ready for that anyway
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