pudgy55

I am really confused with the whole bf/gf label. I now into my second "relationship" but the details are kind of murky. In my first relationship, it was clear we were bf/gf and we went out all the time and everything. But with the guy i'm dating now, it's really casual so i'm guessing we are more casual dating than bf/gf. But we've been doing this for 3 months now and we've been dating exclusively so....I guess my question is what's the difference between casually dating and being labelled the bf/gf.

My ex and I were together for 4.5 years, and we've been broken up for about 3 months now. My god, the first two months i thought i was going to die but then after a while, i just sort of got over it. Not to mention i think i started liking his friend, whom i talked quite a bit after our breakup. I think that is why I got over it so fast. I'm not saying that I am going to rebound and go after his friend. As much as i like him, my ex and i did go out for a long time (4 years!) and we just broke up recently. It took a lot of thinking for me to realize that he is not what i want and for me to finally move on. And i just think that having me realize that i am capable of liking another guy, in this case, his friend, just made it easier for me to get over him and move on so that i can find someone who i want in the future. so here's the thing. we are still "semi-friends" i mean. there's some loose ends to tie up right now so i do talk to him here and there...and like i see pictures of him with like these girls.. which i had a hunch that he was interested in one of them but he's not approaching it because she's way too young. i dunno i guess i'm just uncomfortable with the fact that he's inviting these "friends" over to their (my ex and his friend's) place. They live in the next province so i'm assuming that they stay for quite a while. Sucks that he can do that.. meanwhile i'm stuck liking his friend and i can't do anything about that. I'm not saying that i want him to come crawling back to me begging for me to take him back... he already tried to come back..sorta...but i didn't really respond and he never really pursued it. I don't know. i really much rather be friends with him and just keep things normal. at the same time, i'm not sure if i should or can do that. I mean, i honestly want him to be happy and I even asked him about that girl i thought he liked and he told me that she was too young, otherwise i would have told him to go for it. I mean, he was the one that broke up with me.. and then i was the oen that realized i'm not going to put up with him stringing me along so i might as well let him go out and find someone else to pay attention to him coz that's all he wants anyways. there's no point in me having to disapprove anything considering i'm not his girlfriend and i don't have plans to get back with him. so why am i ranting and raving after i saw pictures of him and this girl over at his place? I guess it's jealousy? that he can find these girls and invite to stay at their place and have fun while i'm stuck having a crush on his friend, a person i can't even pursue. *argh*

i like my ex's friend but i don't know if i should tell him or not...I'm not telling him in hopes that we will get together, my ex broke up with me just 3 months ago and i think i should give it some time before i go dating someone else. (Especially if it's his friend that i am interested in) I just wnat to tell him that i like him and i feel happy being around him and stuff like that.. but at the same time, i'm not sure if he feels the same way about me.. I mean sometimes he would flirt with me and at other times, it's just like normal friends... He just helped me tie up some loose ends with my ex so i am going to phone him and say thank you. I'm not sure if i should say anything when i phone him then or not. I mean if i say it, then i can continue talking to him and then just how things goes. but then if he is not interested then i will not phone him and just let this feeling go away... and then there's the problem that what i am feeling may cause a rift between their friendship...should i say anything or not? i mean i'm not trying to get together with him.. but i just like him and want to see if it can lead to anything in the future.

here's a question for everyone... my ex and i have been broken up for three months now...and lately, i heard that he is "sort of" going after this girl. Meanwhile, I have been attracted to his friend for a while now...a liked his friend when my ex and i were still together but i never did anything about it because i thought the attraction was created out of the same old routine that my ex and i always had and his friend just seemed somewhat "fresh" to me. That feeling passed after a while.. but it resurfaced when my ex broke up with me. I'm not really sure if i want to do anything about it right now considering my ex and i have broken up for just three months now. But seeing how my ex is going after another girl...it seems like it's heads up sign that i can start being more open with my conversations with his friend without always having to do it behind my ex's back. I just want to be a closer friend to this guy and then see how his feelings towards me are. When my ex and I broke up, he was really nice to me and even flirted with me a couple of times. Given that he's my Ex's friend and not mine...i just think that there might be something there. Anyways.. so here's my question... how does everyone feel about going after an ex's friend? (the only reason why i'm worried is because they are really close and i don't want to do anything that will create some sort of hinderence to their friendship)

just thought i'd throw this out to the crowd and see what the response would be... my ex and i broke up for 2 months now...about a month after our breakup... i was having a hard time so i ended up calling his close friend. I used to like his friend back during the summer but i never did anything or say anything to show that. My ex and I went through a bad time back during the summer and I guess that was what pushed me more towards his friend. so anyways, after i talked to his friend that time, i felt really happy and relieved somehow.. and i realized that i need to let go and let him do his thing...but anyways after having that conversation with his friend, he and i would normally chat online..lately i've been talking on the phone with him also..not very often..maybe just once a week for an hour or so, we usually just chat and i noticed that he's been flirting with me... I don't konw.. maybe it's the whole rebound thing or it's me liking him before.. .but i'm just curious as to the motives behind his flirting.. is he doing it to cheer me up and take my mind off of my ex? or is he seriously flirting with me with other intentions? when we were talking about our ex, he mentioned how he tries to not get too close to his friend's gfs... u know.. the whole possessive thing i guess... so now that i've broken up with his friend...could he be trying to get close to me?? what do you guys think?

sometimes people say that when people first go out..they will always have everything and anything to talk about.. but then the longer they go out.. they will have less to talk about.. partly because they have gotten to konw each other and is at another "higher" level if you will.... sorta like ... you guys just enjoy each other's company without having the need to feel like you need to always have "something" to talk about or whatever... just being content that you are with each other i guess does that help?

okay... a used to be a regular here when he and i first broke up...then it seemed like i finally had some sense knocked into me and realized that i should move on.. for those who haven't read my previous posts, i went out with him for 4.5 years, we were very close and in love, we had an argument and he said he wanted a break in the beginning of december... wanted to be single and concentrate on work.. la di da.. stuff like that... we talked two weeks later.. he said he had second thoughts but i said we should stay broken up because the underlying problems between us is never going to be solved unless something changes and it will not and we will just be stuck in this cycle forever... it was hard...i promised myself the no contact rule.. but i will always end up breaking it for some reason...partly because i thought that i was over this and have healed. I realized that we have our differences and that there was good times and bad times and by the way things are going right now.. it'll just not work out... i wanted to keep things good between us, we both still love each other and we care very much for each other, and i still want to be his friend and everything, so.. every once in a while, i'll give him a message online just to say hi and chat briefly and that's it. it was going good... UNTIL he messages me one day, tells me.. "oh, i konw you've moved on and you probably don't want to talk about it.. but i still miss you and i still think about you a lot".. i thought i was over you but then i guess i wasn't...i didn't konw what to say.. a part of me wanted to tell him that i've moved on and it won't work out between us... but i just said.. "it's normal to still miss each other.. we've been togehter for 4.5 years, you can't just wake up one day and forget the other person existed" then he asked me if we can go out for lunch next time he comes back into town. he's been in town for a week now.. i saw him when he first came down to give him his spare keys.. i couldn't look at him and i didn't konw what to say to him when i saw him so i just gave him his keys said bye and left... and he hasn't contacted me since. now i've fallen back into square one. I'm loosing sleep again up till 7 in the morning just sitting online playing games. .can't sleep even if i try...i don't even konw what all this is about.. i've been through this.. and i konw it's just this phase that i have to struggle through and climb myself out of once again...i've been crying again for the past two days.. over god konws what.. i'm not sobbing.. it's just tears rolling down my face... i'm so tired of all this...i took up smoking to make me stop myself thinking about him.. but now it's not working. i just end up smoking more and more... I can't talk to my friends about this... i have a lot of friends, but there are only so few that i can really talk to about this.. and i feel like this topic is getting too old and getting nowhere.. i myself am getting annoyed at myself for being such a drag over this...it's been two months... and it seems like everytime i talk with my friends. .it's about "him"... so now i don't want to talk to my friends about this because they no longer know what to say to me.. so i just smoke... i turn here.. and it's all getting the same...everyone feels the same.. all in the same shoes.. but i just feel like i've fallen and this time i want to give up and just sulk in my little grave.... this is so depressing...*more tears rolling down my face-great* I feel like a clown now....on the surface, i look happy and content with everything..even sometimes the stuff i say makes myself think i have moved on... but then when i go home my true self is revealed...i am no where near being happy... day 5 of no contact....should i get him out and tell him that i know we love each other and everything but this is getting difficult and that i can't talk to him if he's going to tell me stuff like he misses me and stuff?

oh.. all the feelings and emotions... here's the background: bf of 4.5 years broke up with me in the beginning of december saying that he wants to concentrate on his work and that he wants to be single for a while. So we broke up and the next two weeks, i've analyzed and done everything and basically decided that this is best for us, not because of what he said but because he's done this to me once a couple of months before. We've broken up 4 times in total, 3 of them not lasting more than a week or two and now we've been broken up for almost 2 months now. I saw him two weeks after our breakup and he sort of mentioned having second thoughts about the break up.. and i told him i can't do it because i've been hurt once too many and i'm really sick and tired of him wanting to break up with me everytime it becomes an inconvenience to him. i was afriad to get back with him again because of fear he might hurt me once more- so we ended things on good terms i guess.. both realizing that this is best for both of us... i've tried to move on.. but i think i am in reality sort of "waiting" for him more than moving on...i don't konw...i've tried to stick to my no contact thing, but it always fails as i will end up messaging him for a quick brief and casual chat. i keep on doing that because i think i am moving on and i want to keep on being friends with him and everything. then last week he messages me and we chat briefly before he starts talking about us. he's like, oh i konw you probably don't want to talk about it and you've moved on but i still think about you and i thought i was over you but i guess i was not. then he proceeds to ask me if i was meeting new people and if i was dating anyone basically...i told him that it's natural to miss each other because we've been really close and attached for the past 4.5 years and you can't just wake up one day and forget the other person existed. I WISH!. then i told him that i have met some new people, but i am not into the whole dating scene because i want to just heal right now. then he asked me if we can go to lunch next time he comes down. He came to town on monday night and phoned me to pick up the spare key to his car because he left it back at home. he came by and i just dropped it off and turned around and went back into my house. i didn't konw what to say to him, i couldn't bear to look him in the eyes, i said hi, dropped off the keys and said bye. that was it. i went back inside and kicked myself for not lingering and talk to him.. but i dont think i can handle it.. nor do i konw what to say. now that i konw he's in town, he has yet to phone me and ask me for lunch. he hasn't even messaged me ever since that whole i miss you talk. i swear, people innocently play cruel cruel mind games... he tells me he misses me and then doesn't follow up on that...now he's got me thinking about it for the past two days, can't sleep coz i'll just lay on my bed thinking about it and what i should say to him when i do see him. i feel myself getting weak now...when we broke up and i was trying to move on, i told myself, things aren't going to change..just move on you can't force someone to change...but what am i trying to have him change? him spending more time with me? that's really all i ever complained about him.. and after having broken up with him.. and spending endless nights on here.. i have realized i made myself too available for him and i had no life outside of my boyfriend and school. my friends say that i should move on with this guy coz he's a ..well.. loser/immature.. .he hasn't graduated highschool, he doesn't have a proper job and all he does is sit at home and play games... but i don't konw.. isn't that looking at it at a rather materialistic side? i mean.. it might be the protective/stupid side of me speaking.. but if you truly love someone, if they graduated highschool/making good money or not should not be a factor.... there are always faults at both sides of the relationship...now that i think about it.. i really don't try to change him. i let him do anything he wants and i don't complain about his actions...(at least not that i can recall) and as i can recall he does the same to me also (but then it's really easy for him considering i do everything just to please him) so now that i went from i have to move on because this relationship will bethe same unless we both change, i went to.. well i have changed and now that he's telling me that he's missing me and stuff.. should i give in and talk with him and try and see if he's willing to try to work things out? oh, one last thing, we ended our relationship based on the conclusion that we have a communication problem... he doesn't tell me his problems... how hard do you think that is to work out if i do talk to him about us or a even better question.. should i even try and venture down that road??or should i just not meet him for lunch and tell him to stop talking to me and get over this? (i highly doubt i will be strong enough to do the latter though...)

i've just got a question: i've read on a post somewhere that if your ex calls you.. you should find out with they are calling you because they miss the feeling of having someone to be with.. or if they are really missing YOU...okay.. and how to you figure that out? if they call you, they are techincally doing the both interchangably... and they will for sure talk to you as if they are missing YOU (when in fact they just miss having that someone there...) Any suggestions people?

Hey Boat Buddy, good to see you around again i think you konw deep inside what you need to do in order to keep yourself sane... if you call him back or answer his phone calls, you're just going to get sucked back into the vortex like i did, i prefer that we stay boat buddies rather than vortex buddies, i think it's a lot less painful... it seems like you know what you want and that is to move on and with him calling you is not going to help, if anything, it will just pull you back down like it did to me. If the call was important enough, he'll call more than once... leave a message, or phone your friends or whatever it takes to somehow pass the message to you. I think he just called you for the same reasons he did before.. that is he's probably feeling lonely or wants to see how you are doing and stuff like that...but like you've told me... no contact all the way baby! that's the only way the heal one's heart. stay strong and don't answer the calls...i can't say the same for myself for some reason...i just don't know why...i think it's the fact that you know you need to move on makes you one step ahead of me..i thought i was moving on... but now that i think about how i'm totally down and confused the minute he talks to me about "it" i think i've been moving on with my life but then still lingering and waiting for him to come back...even though i konw insdie that he will come back..but he things will not change... there's no other way to fix this than to stick with no contact and really let those feelings "die" really....it's hard.. i know..*sigh* sucks to have feelings eh? Take care i'll see you around!

very good post, it helps me a lot with what i'm dealing with right now. My boyfriend has broken up with me for almost two months now and though i tried to stick to my no contact rule, it has obviously failed because i talk to him sometimes. He messaged me recently saying he's still thinks about me and that he thought he was over me but he wasn't.. basically gave me a feeling that he wanted me back? i don't konw...that's what you get when you don't stick to no contact.. cruel cruel mind games... I see a lot of myself in this post so i must say it probably does to a lot of other people also. I see that we had our wrongs in this relationship and that i am probably idolizing this relationship right now and that is why it's so hard for me to get over it. Just having him message me and giving me the feeling that he wants me back just sucked me right back into the vortex... i guess it's all about the fight between your head and your heart.. my heart says go.. give it a try again.. my head says... you are asking for him to change some things that he may not be able to do...and i think because i think like that.. i don't see us getting back together now...but maybe in the distant future?...but gosh. lemme warn everyone out there right now.. thinking like that.. is just basically telling yourself the "wait" him out... or at least that's what it seems like to me... wait for him realize how much you mean to him and then he will change and come back to you... i'm going to read this post over and over again until it seeps into the brain that i have to stop thinking that he will "fix" himself and get back together with me..

alrite.. let's see.. we broke up after going out for 4.5 years and after he broke up with me this time, we talked after two weeks or so and he mentioned having second thoughts to getting back but i told him that i'm really tired of him breaking up with me everytime it's inconvient to him and that he basically doesn't even put me as his first priority.. also i'm really scare to be back with him again for fear that this will once again happen later on in the future. during this time, i've done a lot of thinking, i've realized that it wasn't all his fault, that i too was guilty of letting him have too much control and spoiling him rotten (laundry, house cleaning, buying things for him, you name it, i probably did it)... and I also had him on a really tight leash... he's the only person i go out with (along with his friends) and baiscally when he's here, we're together 24/7.... so upon reflection, i have learned my mistakes... I've tried to apply the no contact.. i guess it sorta worked and sorta didn't. but i've definitely went over that big bump and stopped moping over him thinking about all the "ifs" and "buts" and wishing everynight that things will work out with us and that he would finally realize that our love is deep enough for him to realize the changes that needs to be made...i don't konw.. i think i've made an effort to try and move on.. but the getting over him part? that's still a little iffy. so lo and behold, i'm finally on my third week of "high" (not having to mope or cry or think about him constantly) he calls me just to see what i am doing... we talked for a bit... i followed the no contact rules and talked for about 10 minutes and hung up... only to crawl back to him later that night and message him online to have him barely talk to me... *sulk* so then the day after that, he messages me online again. we talked causually for a bit then after that he goes and talks to me about how he misses and thought that he was over me but he wasn't... and asked me if i had met new people/dating anyone...i dunno.. i get the idea that he's missing me and might want me back. now i don't konw what i want.. why can't they just leave and never ever ever come back? although it's taking a long time, i was really moving on with my life and slowly but surely i will stop having the feelings i had for him.. but now that he says that he's missing me and giving me the idea that he might want me back.. he's basically pushed me back to square one. All my friends tell me that they are positive that i will find someone out there who's 100 times better than he is... I don't know, maybe i'm just protecting him or maybe it's me realizing that i had my faults...He really does love me but then things between us got boring and all of a sudden i just fell to the bottom of the deck.. i was always around him so he doesn't need to miss me and stuff.. and i was always so determined to try and change some things about him when i should have realized that to love someone, you accept their faults also. I always complain about his faults to my friends and how he doesn't pay attention to me and everything... so they see the bad side of him.. but then asides from all that, we were always happy and very much in love... all those conflicting emotions just from one freaking online conversation.. shesh.... so now i don't konw what i am to do..i mean. i konw we have underlying fundamental problems in our relationship.. mostly being that of communication...he has a problem, he doesn't tell me.. i have a problem, i shove it in the back of my head till i can no longer hold it in.. What should i do now?? before, when i thought that he broke up with me and all, that i should learn from all the lessons i've realized here and then just try and move on... but what do i do now that it seems like he wants to come back??? my mind and my heart are saying two different things...

i guess it's true when people say that they always come back...I was with him for 4.5 years before he broke it off with me in the beginning of december. he's strung me along on and off this relationship, i don't deny that he didn't love me or that i didn't love him with all my heart.. but i guess i just finally realized that we have differences that will not be solved unless things change...and...i really don't think he's going to change. that was the biggest hurrdle that i went through...and after realizing that, i was so happy. i stopped crying about him, i stopped thinking about us getting back or waiting for him to realize that our love was strong and important enough for him to want to change and try and savlage this relationship. I guess they just never like it when they see you are moving on without them. I don't konw...I want to keep things on good terms and keep being friends with him. i do love him and i care for him.. and i thought that maybe since i seem like i've accepted this now that i can talk to him again. We don't talk regularly, just once in a while, very brief, very casual. maybe i really shouldn't be doing that until i have stopped loving him the way that i do now. people say that you are really over a person when you can see him/her with another person and not care... quite honestly, i may have accepted our breakup and everything .. but i'm not sure i'm quite there yet. so getting to the main point here...he messaged me online last night and asked me some questions.. he basically said that he still thinks about me alot and asked me if i was meeting new people and heading back into the dating scence and all. i don't konw, from my point of view, he was just beating around the block wanting to try and get back with me and see if i was dating other people but he had to much pride to really break down and beg for me back. i don't konw what to say to him... we agreed to go out for lunch the next time he comes back into town ...he says he misses me and would still like to see me. i wouldn't mind that... maybe to keep things on good terms and to stay friends and all... but i don't konw if i want to go back with him or not. it took me so long to really climb myself out from out of that big hole i jumped into four years ago... one on hand, i feel like this break up is an awakening, making me realize who i am... honestly i can feel that i have changed...and what i've learned from my first love and given me a lot of perspectives on everything i do in my life... although i miss having a significant other to hold you and hug you and having someone love you... i feel that being single is what i want right now...but then...i still love him...i've been trying to forget that love because we are broken up and things did not work out between us...but if he's coming back to me now...should i give him another try? what should i say to him?

hey lilu, some words of encouragment, wasting time on education is never a waste of time... for all you konw, you could not going to school and just sitting at home doing nothing...the fact that at least you are going to school at least provides you with some groundwork for a chance at a better future tomorrow. and listen to everyone else out there, 22 is indeed very young.. I didn't read up your previous posts but it's also very young for marriage also. I went out with my bf for 4.5 years... i'm 20 right now and he's 26.. i thought i was going to marry him... but now that things didn't work out...*eh* at least you konw now better than finding out 9 months after you guys got married. just learn from the bad parts and treasure the good parts...take the time to heal and in time, you'll see that 22 is nothing...life is just starting... you'll be doing school.. meet a lot of people, then find a job and meet more people. .and one day, when ur really happy with who you are ... mr/mrs. right.

WOW you konw what? we are on the same boaT! two days ago, i myself went through some interesting things that has shed some light onto my breakup also. If you checked my previous posts, you knew how i was hung over him and how he's been talking a lot (or at least i think) with his new "god-sis." anyways, i was talking to a friend about this girl and we came to the conclusion that she's a W_ore... Neways, i caved in and i phoned him... but..THANK GOD he didn't pick up...so i did the next best thing i thought possible.. i phoned his friend that he lives him and talked to him. Well he told me that my ex and that girl didn't have anything going on otherwise, he would've known by now. And we just started talking about my ex, and our relationship and stuff like that. He was the only person that told me that i should get my ex out and talk and see if he wants to try thing one more time. If he doesn't then i konw really move on coz at least i gave it my last shot. I didn't even have to think about it twice and i said no. No. then it's like, it finally hits me.. if i say no, i don't want to get back with him because he's so screwed up with now with his own life problems and work and stuff.. why the hell am i putting myself through pain being so hung over him when i don't even want to get back with him anymore. Long story short, i'm just going to stick to that feeling for now and just pray for the best. If i can know that i will not get back with him anymore...the road to self discovery and healing has just gotten a lot closer for the both of us girl! Wish you the best of luck girl you konw i'll always be around here to help my boat buddy out!