karana_7771607306438

thank you, both of you. I know that you are right. I am so weak about not calling him after I tell him it won't work out. I do care about him and have tried many times to let him go, because I know that it would be better for him in the long run if I did. I really appreciate your perspectives and your encouragement to let him go. nice reading between the lines on the second post - I did not mention that my physical "animal" attraction to him is not very strong, but yes, you're right, that is also true. It is not fair to him to continue this relationship. thanks again.

I have known Trevor for almost 2 years now. We became close friends very quickly. I feel that I can be myself around him. He knows everything about me, the bad and the good. He is completely in love with me. His love for me is such that he has sacrified much and would sacrifice more for me. Our communication is excellent. He is romantic, caring, a great listener, responsible, smart, ambitious, funny, and hard working. We have about 29 interests/hobbies in common. He wants to marry me. However, there are some serious problems. The biggest one is: I don't love him. We were mutually infatuated with each other for about 2 months, after having been good friends for 2 months. In the following months, he broke my trust in 2 ways: one, by unexpectedly losing his temper with me over a tiny thing. Two, he lied to me four times and eventually confessed his lies - but not until months later! I think that the opportunity for my falling in love with him was mostly killed as I lost trust in him. He knows this, and wants us to work on building trust up again between us, which could be possible. He confessed 3 of the lies without having been caught, and they all relate to a specific area of his life where he understandably felt embarrassed by the truth, so it was very difficult for him to share those things with me. All of the lies relate to things in his past. If he would have told me the truth in the beginning, I would not have been bothered by it; I was bothered only because he lied (not because of what he lied about). (Hope that makes sense - I don't want to give too many details or I will be writing a novel here.) My parents like him, but they basically mostly like him because they are sadly focused on status, and he is currently attending one of the top law schools in the US. Practically, though, that does mean that he would be a good provider, and that we would have a stable financial future. He wants to plan his life and his career around being married to me. He is currently on the East Coast (moved there for school in August 02) and I am on the West Coast. We talk on the phone almost every day, and send frequent e-mails. I am getting older (I am 26) and I do want to be married in the next couple of years. I am not afraid of commitment, but I am terrified of commitment to this particular person. The love that he feels for me is not to be taken lightly, and there is always the tension between us of unequal feelings towards each other. This relationship has been very much on and off. I have tried many times to break up with him, but I feel empty without him, and always end up calling him. It is selfish in a way, because it is his friendship that I want the most, but I can't have only friendship from him; he doesn't see me that way. I have told him that there is a very small chance that it will work out between us. I am very hard on him. A few people who don't know him or me very well have commented that I am investing all of my emotional energy in one person. This is not the case; I have many friends. However, he cares about me as deeply as my family does, and I don't experience that with my other friends, even the close ones. He insisted on driving me to the doctor's office and waiting with me in the waiting room when I had a ruptured cyst. He told me to go to sleep when I was really tired and needed to type out an outline from my handwritten notes, and he stayed up and typed out the outline for me, even though he was really tired, too. He picked me up from work when I had a blister on my foot and drove me to my car (parked a 20-minute walk away). How am I supposed to let someone like this go? But how could I marry someone who I don't love?

she has values, & is probably looking for someone with values. she won't leave her boyfriend for you, especially after that experience. as I see it, if this is really the person that you want to be with, then your only option is to wait and see if she stays with her boyfriend. if she doesn't, then maybe you could be her friend and show her that you *can* respect her, and work up slowly to something more. if she does stay with him, I'm sorry but I think you are out of luck.