biggestdork

Im sorry C, you were always good to me but my head is not in the right place right now

Girl the sacrifices Ive made.... I dont want you back. I dont want any of it back....I just hope you would understand.

So much to say, but it wouldnt mean anything or make any difference. Thanks for the experience I guess.

Completely cutting me off huh? Was this some kind of plan? A real big joke? huh? Damn, M. It hurts. Sometimes I wonder if I really got to know who you really are. Why did you have to change so much? You know what? Maybe this is a good thing. I need this break. Hopefully things will turn out for the better. I hope you're doing well. I hope you're living your life the best way you possibly can because I wont be able to stand it if you dumped me for some stupid reason just so you can regret your decision later on. I dont want that. I dont want to be just something so little that you can throw away from your life. I was doing better initially, but now it seems like Im going down this spiral of pain. It just keeps getting worse. Good luck, M. Merry Christmas.

You're just a fraction of my memory.

Oh man I miss you I miss you I miss you Im such a mess. Why am I so miserable while you're having so much fun. I saw you with your new boy today and you guys looked so cute together. Man do I wish that was me holding your hands. What did I do to deserve this. Damn it all to hell. Please god get me out of this stage. I want to be myself again. I want to be happy. Its been too long. 9 freaking months to get over a 3 month relationship? Thats a bit ridiculous dont you think? You never told me why you left. You never even once acted like our times together meant anything to you. I was good wasnt I? Why did you give up on me? You were so in to me. What in the world could change your mind so quickly. Why was I the only victim? Why were you so fond of your other relationships yet you act like ours never existed? Why did you cry when your other relationships ended but you carried on with your life like nothings happened when you broke up with me? Was I so bad? Why, M. I dont want to love you anymore, but its so god damn hard. I cared so much for you. I feel so freaking pathetic. Im sick. Im stressed. Im broke. Im lonely. I just wish you were still here.

Im so freaking scared of you. I dont know why but some how the thought of running into you is like a big taboo for me. Something is wrong with me -.-

Dont do that anymore okay? Stop making me think about you. Just let me be.

Thanks M

Hey you know what? I thought I was so scared and nervous about seeing you at the dinner, but Im actually excited! I really want you to bring your new boyfriend. It would be a pretty interesting (and undoubtedly awkward) night for the three of us. BTW, did you know that Ive known him since middle school? You think you know him, but Im pretty sure I know him better I havent changed much. I dont want to change. I was a fine man before I met you. You turned me into a love-hungry psycho, and Im simply reverting back to my old self. I love you still, though less and less each day. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. Be thankful! and careful what you wish for! Love/Hate, Ex.

Hey M, I would really appreciate it if you dont bring your boy around. Fing two face. I dont want to see him. Love, D.

Funny how I post on the forum when Im depressed instead of actually telling you about how Im feeling. Lifes been hard on me. I think about you a lot. I miss you. There were so many things I wanted to say to you but you wouldnt listen. Its okay though because you wouldnt understand anyway. You have a lot of friends. Its easy for you to forget about me. I try hard you know. It might not seem like it but I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders. I wisht I didnt care sometimes. I wish I can start over. I hope you're happy. I hope you're doing well. I wish I was happy. I wish i was doing well.....

Its been so long. I dont know how I will react this time. Why is it that every time I hear about having to meet you, I start to spiral down another roller coaster? Why cant you just disappear for good? No expectation. No more waiting. No more worrying about how I should act when I see you. I want things to be natural. I dont like this. I miss you M. but youve done me so wrong.

Today's gonna be a good day.

I need a break. It seems like every time Im beginning to heal you manage to find your way back into my life. I know you're not doing it on purpose, but I just wish you would understand.