UKGirl

Hi Chris I'm not gay, but have lots of friends who are. I probably wouldn't recommend that you tell friends at school just yet. 14 year old guys are not generally the most sympathetic of people, and there's no way you should be bullied for your sexuality. Have a look into support groups or helplines for teenagers. They'll be able to help you talk to your family and friends if thar's what you decide. Do you know any older gay people who might be able to offer you support? Or is there anyone at all in your family who you think you could talk to? Women (Huge generalisation here but anyway...) might often be more understanding than men. Although I bet your family wouldn't disown you, they might take a bit of time to get used to it, but they might surprise you. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of...Sexuality isn't a matter of choice, It's something your born with. Also, you'll probably find that if you go to 6th form colllege or university, there'll be more of a gay scene. It's considered pretty cool now to be gay or bisexual. I actually have 18 year old friends who PRETEND to be Bisexual! Don't feel bad about yourself, you've done nothing wrong. You should no more feel ashamed than a heterosexual person who fancies someone of the opposite sex. Sexuality is most probably inborn and you can no more change it, than I could decide to become a lesbian! Hope this helps!

Your post is kind of confusing but very interesting! I'm fascinated by what you say about not having a personality of your own. It sounds to me like what your parents say is right and that you are very sensitive to others feelings and perhaps even a bit psychic? Also, I notice that you're 15- believe me , everyone has problems with knowing who they are etc. at that age.I think I read one description of adolescence as "A time of finding your own identity" I think that'll come for you in time. As for this girl, If you get on really well with her, she could be just what you need!

Believe it or not, Girls can be really shy also! A lot of girls prefer a quieter guy who will actually talk to them rather than a loud he-man type. Just be yourself - confidence comes from experience, so try talking to lots of different girls, not just ones you fancy. You sound like a nice sensitive guy. There's nothing wrong with being quiet, that's just how some people are (including myself) Like yourself the way you are and girls will too. Hope that helps!

I have suffered with depression for years on and off. I've had some really serious episodes where I've been virtually unable to function. These really bed episodes are usually a result of taking drugs, weed and acid which I don't really do much of now. Lately, I've been reading a bit about manic depression/Bipolar because my behaviour last year was totally nuts and completely out of character. The main thing I did was proposition two male friends very publicly, the whole town has found out about it and I had to end my ten year relationship because of it!The embarrassment is HUGEbecause it isn't something I would normally doand so many people know about it! I also felt really sexy all the time and at times felt like asking men in the street back to my place. I can't explain how out-of -character this is for me, but I felt much more confident than usual and like I could do anything. I also had about six holidays, which I couldn't afford and got myself way into debt. Thinking back on it, I have had one period of time where I also felt similar (Hypomanic?) and that manifested itself in massive spending sprees and running up huge debts on storecards. At that time I got quite heavily into drinking and was smoking lots of strong weed for the buzz, after this "up" episode I fell into a year long serious depression where I was almost catatonic at times. I would like to hear from anyone with experience of Bipolar in themselves or family/friends. Does this sound like typical Bipolar symptoms? I'm reluctant to go to the doctor yet, I'm just curious to see what other people think. PS I'm 28 now, but had first episode of depression aged 17.

Ahh, Henna, 14 is an awful age, I remember it well (It was absolutely horrendous for me too!)...... Things feel very bad for you now, but they won't forever... Things get a lot better when you're older I promise, I mean that without sounding patronising at all. Your emotions are all messed up when you're a teenager and things get easier when you're older, I never thought i would believe that but it's true. Just hang in there and don't worry, everything you're going through is normal, and you will be fine.

Hmm, for myself? I like a nice meal (Mexican, chinese, Indian etc, ) followed by a nice chat, maybe in a quiet pub,, Then maybe dancing at a club or to live music followed by a nice long walk home together with a good chat.

It does hurt a bit the first time. The best thing to do is make sure you're really relaxed and that you've got plenty of time and no worries about parents suddenly barging in! You need to be turned on or it will hurt anyway whether its your first time or not. So get your b/f to do lots of stuff you like and wait till you feel well-lubricated (aargh! I can't believe I said that -I'm british!) If getting wet is a problem for you, you can always get something a special lubricant (maybe someone else will tell you of the best one as i know some of them shouldn't be used with condoms) Anyway, hope that helps you. Don't expect the first time to be brilliant though, cos it almost never is!It gets better with practice!!

I should just add, that I would'nt cheat on my b/f. I respect him too much.

OK, the story so far...I met a bloke on a group holiday with my boyfriend of 10 years. I really , really liked him. Both my b/f and this guy know each other and are friends. Anyway, back at home I saw this guy in the street coming towards me and I couldn't resist flirting a little, well OK a lot.He seemed quite surprised but flirted back. We didn't stop and talk though so I thought I'd maybe been a bit full-on. Anyway,recently I went to a gig with my boyfriend (stupid idea I know) which he was playing. Of course, there was a hugely embarrassing moment when we came face-to-face and he ignored me. He seemed to be trying to talk to me afterwards though because every time I looked around he was near me. But I was upset, and embarrassed and just wanted to go.I was also really embarrassed because his best mate was there, who alsois friends with my b/f and he came up to talk to us and I just couldn't look at or speak to him, because I know he knows.What makes the situation ten times worse is that myself and my b/f work together running a shop and I can think of at least four or five of our mutual friends/customers who I suspect know, maybe more. Anyway, after that hugely embarrassing situation I saw him a few days ago, he came over and we had a bit of a chat and he asked me if we were going on this years holiday(he's obviously worried that we'll be on that, but I said no, I at least worked out that that would be a bad move!), he turned to go, and I suddenly from nowhere said that I was sorry about coming to the gig and how I'd embarrassed him. I was so upset that I burst into tears, and he sort of comforted me a bit and said that I hadn't then I said that I had to go, while still crying (the shame) He told me to "Be cool" but it was sort of in a jokey way. I said I would see him later and he said alright. Now the situation is very awkward because I can't go back to work, I dread the thought of seeing the people that I think know, It will be so difficult!! I'm completely and utterly confused and feel terribly guilty and about my b/f(whom I do care an awful lot for, but I don't see myself being with romantically for ever) not knowing anything about this, while loads of other people do, because he's obviously told them. I think I will at least have to leave my job, and probably my b/f too. Does anyone have any advice? Would this other guy think I'm completely mad now???

Aww, poor you, how embarrassing for you. I wouldn't worry too much though, your mum will get over the shock soon enough. It'll probably remind her of the importance of knocking on your door as well!

Erk, I probably won't be much help here, I'm useless at knowing when blokes are interested! One thing I've been trying to do lately in a bid to break out of my shyness, is look paeople in the eye when talking to them, I first found this really hard, but I've been amazed by the response! It works best when you're a little way away, perhaps when he's approaching you. (and you're wearing THE coat! )Just look a little longer than you would normally, smile a big sexy smile (while thinking lustful thoughts!) and look away again.If he's interested he'll keep looking and you can smile again etc.It lets him know you're interested without you having to say anything, thereforeeee avoiding embarrassment if he isn't!(Though it sounds to me like he is) I've been absolutely amazed by this, I don't consider myself a ravishing beauty or anything, but when I first tried this I got about six big smiles from GORGEOUS chappies! It made my day!

Although you don't believe it now, the situation can and will get better. Are you suffering from Clinical depression? I guess you probably heve it to some degree to be thinking of suicide (There are online tests on the web) If so, It's very treatable, your doctor can prescribe anti-depressants, and it will pass. If you like I can recommend some excellent books on the subject. I'll just say this, I know how it feels to be at a suicidal point. I've suffered with depression on and off for years, since my teens.I'm so glad I never did, because I'd have missed out on the chance to do so much stuff. I haven't had a serious episode for a few years now, and yet at times in my life I've thought that I would never be better.I am better, I'm proof that you can recover from these feelings, they won't last forever. Have just discovered the PMing thing on here(I'm an advanced technophobe!) If you feel like talking about it I won't try to talk you out of anything(Well OK, I'll probably try!)But It might be helpful just to talk about your feelings?

Thanks for the replies to this , I know that you are right, It was interesting to hear your thoughts especially DDog , The situation sounds very similar...I would hate to hurt my man, I can't stand the thought! I just feel attracted to this other man like I've never been before with anyone, I'm not normally like this, I will have a good long think about things.

You don't think so now but you really will get over it, I promise. I'm guessing you're fairly young? There will be plenty more girls, and ones that won't treat you so badly. Please don't think of doing anything silly, talk to someone sympathetic about your feelings and I guarantee that with time you'll feel a lot better, try and distract yourself and go out with friends as much as you can....

Thanx for the advice I think I will try to cut it down, I guess drinking bottles of vodka is not a good hobby to have! With regards to others keeping up with me, yes they have a problem! I do know a few people with alcohol problems that I sometimes see socially, and they are the only ones who can keep up- which is a bit worrying I suppose! I rarely get hangovers though, and I always know when to stop. I've never had a blackout for example, and I always feel in control of the amount I drink.