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RKO

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RKO last won the day on December 24 2023

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  1. Hi everyone, hope you had a good new year and Christmas, mine was as beautiful as I expected and more. Going back to the feelings toward the mother, as you know from previous post I was starting to have feelings towards her, in a romantic way. I’ve sat on them, wanting to make sure it was a genuine feeling and not a fleeting emotion, or getting caught up with Christmas and at the same time concentrating on my son. the last month I’ve noticed a real improvement between us, on the pick-up and drop offs we are talking more, laughing and there’s that look between us when we make eye contact. Anyway I’ve still not said anything through fear of what would happen if I had read it wrong, would things be strange again, would she be awkward about me seeing my son and feel uncomfortable. Our mutual friend had a baby over Christmas, I went around to see them and conversation turned to me and baby mother, saying mother gets a lot of questions about her and I, if we would ever get together, our mutual friends words were “you should see her face when she’s asked that” what that means I don’t know but It sounded in a negative way. I said to the I think there is still some anamosity from her at times but things are good and a lot better than I thought. Awkward silence then followed. Finally she asked if we all went out as group of friends to celebrate would her and I be ok with each other, my friend ten said everyone would try and keep us separate. At this point I was getting uncomfortable with the conversation, I realised why I shut all this away from them and didn’t discuss things from October 22 onwards until he was born. It felt what they were saying and expecting to happen was the complete opposite to how I feel things would be, again questioned if I’ve read it all wrong. Moving on last week I was having a text conversation with the mother about our son and we just moved on about life and all that, out of nowhere she just said that she is so happy that I’m in his life and can see that we both adore each other, then something that really made me emotional “I’m also glad you’re his dad and I think you’re the best dad” Nothing romantic there but still just made me happy she feels that. Finally, this week I thought, I might mention it, having no idea if she was still with this guy or not I checked her Facebook, she had a public photo from the night before posted, a heart emoji and a picture of them together looking happy. This floored me. I’m still on cloud 9 and so happy with my little boy, but I’m now just so sad about not being with her. Clearly she is happy and what our mutual friends said sort of proves it’s all one way and in my head the feelings. i just dont know what to do now
  2. Just checking in again to you all and to wish a merry Christmas. Hoping if anyone in my boat I was in a year to now can read this and feel inspiration, hope and belief. Even though Christmas day hasn't started, I've had the best and most special December with my little boy, he's everything I didn't know I needed and was missing in life. If anyone in same position, just read my posts and know it's not the end for you, life isn't over, in fact it's only just beginning I've not explored or even discussed anything with the mother about my previous post, right now it's about enjoying Christmas with my boy. I hope you all have a great time, full of health and good fortune A merry Christmas to all
  3. I know right? I’m just trying to dig deep and find out if I’d feel this way if he wasn’t around, or if I’m only feeling like this because of him. I’d never want to get with someone just because we have a child together and set that out from the start. I just don’t know though, the feelings aren’t shifting and if anything they are growing
  4. I don’t think they are together anymore, I don’t know 100% but get the feeling they aren’t
  5. Hi all, hope all good, all things good here. Although I am a tad confused about something that’s been growing inside me for a while, something I’ve tried to ignore, something I’m not sure if I’m only feeling because she’s the mother of my child, but I think I have developed feelings for baby mother, romantic feelings. I dont know what to do.
  6. Hahaha agree about the worship, a 3am dirty nappy change and need for a bath because of it certainly made me question that for a nano-second, then he flashed me that smile of his and all was well with the world again. Thank you for your kind words
  7. She was sleeping with other men, at least one. That’s never been up for discussion and I’ve not turned 180 on it as it’s a fact. She had sex with another man around the time we conceived. I’m presuming the anger is coming from me just not taking her word that he was mine on it and therefore not being there for her during her pregnancy. Doing the test she said she completely understood why I wanted it, her mood instantly changed towards me when the results came back he was mine. Almost like she couldn’t be 100% sure I was the father so couldn’t go in hard on me until results came back. Anyway, I think she’s now realising, without blowing my trumpet, that I’m a good father, always going to be there for him and totally worship him. She’s also seen the welcome and big smiles he gives when he gets dropped off/picked up. The bond is there. His health continues to improve thank you, he’s had the 1st of his surgeries which was a success. The next one will be more intrusive but surgeon’s confident it’s going to be a success.
  8. Hello everyone. just an update here really and just me scanning to see if anyone’s in similar position on here and needs support. it’s crazy to believe the situation started just over a years ago, 1 year and a month to be precise. I still almost daily think back to this time last year, the depth of despair I was in, thinking my life was over, not knowing what to do, not knowing if I’d ever find out if the baby was mine or not. im so thankful everything worked out, a year on I feel blessed and so lucky to have my son in my life. Obviously things have changed massively in my life but I wouldn’t change anything for the world, even if I could go back to that night and not sleep with her, change the outcome, I wouldn’t. He’s my world. Forever. Thinags have improved with his mother, we are civil, she’s mindful of me seeing him every week and have sleepovers, we plan ahead, have sorted Christmas arrangements already. I still feel she holds a grudge against me for wanting the paternity and not budging on that, again another thing I wouldn’t change. I feel it’s only her that holds this grudge, when dropping baby off I have met her mum and dad there, both have been lovely with me and pleasant, her sister too. Hopefully in time she will warm more as I’m still being left out of some key decisions
  9. Totally agree with visits, tbf if I ask to have him on a certain day she would say yes but 99.9% it’s her telling me when to have him. id love a set routine so I can plan things in my own personal life and I think wpuld be much more beneficial and good for my son too
  10. Going to see one next week 🙂 I’m on birth certificate so thankfully here in uk that immediately gives me 50% say on everything now due to a recent change in law. The child support I give has been worked out by our government calculator
  11. Interesting you should ask, we don’t have anything official, we are just going without that, im paying the right amount of support according to the government calculator, slightly more infact and I am on his birth certificate which gives me 50% say but after yesterdays news even more came. Baby mother said next year she will be going back to work and will need an extra £500 off me per month to cover nursery fees. I politely said that’s what child support is to go towards (legally in uk that’s “all” you have to pay and no way could I afford that, I’d be homeless within a week, however I said I can have my son 2 days a week as my work is flexible so will reduce nursery fees and we can see then what the price is… she refused point blank, said to forget it she will deal with it and no longer my concern, she said that he needs an education (he will be 9 months old by the time that comes about) She has got a nursery lined up and hasn’t even consulted me to see if I like it for our child and if I agree he should be going there so young. Im also off work soon for 2 weeks and although she’s given me some dates to have him she won’t allow 2 nights in a row with me, said it’s too much… Last week she took him to Spain for a week, in the crazy heatwave they are experiencing, with her new boyfriend, she told me they were going (didn’t mention the new bf)but didn’t ask for permission, technically I could have called the police and caused all sorts of problems. so next week I am going for some legal advice, I’ve tip-toed and bent to her every whim, tried to be as understanding and flexible as possible but enough is enough now. I need a proper routine of seeing him and not when she decides is good for her. he has some Surgery due September and I think she will say I can’t go, she let me visit once on his 1st admission then said she only wanted people who supported her during pregnancy there and she said she didn’t want me to go to a consultation last month. This time I will be going and she can’t/won’t stop me
  12. Of course she does, and I wish her well, I just genuinely don’t know where she’s had the time to do it that’s all with a 4 month old baby that needs a lot more care than the average
  13. Well I’m seeing him every week, he’s having sleepovers, I’m spending good quality time with him so hoping this is enough
  14. Yes this is true tbh and she said it’s been going on a while and if she hadn’t have mentioned anything then I wouldn’t have had a clue as the bond with my son is there clear as day.
  15. That’s true the last paragraph and she says he’s lovely around him, i mean she wouldn’t say anything else really? Just worried that he won’t realise I’m his dad and bond with this male figure more. Also never had doubts she was a good mum but now I’m thinking otherwise, like how has she found time to date and get to the point of a relationship with a 4 month old baby and one that has been under specialist care…
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