cybercrone

It's a brave decision, blackswan! I realize that a lot went into making it, and it wasn't easy, and it took a while to process everything you had to process to get to a place where you knew it was the right thing to do. I suspect you are right to sever another relationship that kept you connected to an unhealthy rut. Starting over is scary, but it's also exciting! My respect for your courage and support for your decision are beaming your way. CyberCrone

Is the job that great? Are there other jobs available that are just as good? I'm thinking that maybe if you got away from the daily reminder of the pain, you wouldn't NEED the counseling. Sounds like a very unhealthy situation to me. There have been several occasions in my life where the only thing to do was to let go of everything and start over in a new environment, with a new life. I never looked back. Just think about it. Pretty scary, but change is always scary, and sometimes it isn't as scary as staying stuck. These are just questions and thoughts, not advice. I don't presume to give other people advice!

thanks for your message. I had many years of therapy a long time ago, but gave it up after spending many thousands of dollars, because in general have had very bad luck wiht therapists, usually feeling eventually that they are worse off than I am. Also, I have reached an advanced age where I work things out very well on my own. I just want to investigate some techniques to work with. Is changing jobs an option for you? Seems to me to be an unreasonably difficult challenge to stay and function in an environment where you have to deal with your abuser every day.

I'll be sure to post info here if I find it someplace else. So far, though, not much.

MollyElise...Interesting that you mention rebelliousness, because that was certainly a strong trait in my childhood, altho I didn't express it as directly as a boy would. I've had a LOT of trouble tolerating mistreatment all my life, and ended up working for myself because at a certain point I could no longer endure workplace "abuse", and have sometimes been fired for intractability (altho that isn't what I was told of course). For example, singing to amuse myself at a killingly boring factory assembly job, finding a box to sit on at another place where we were expected to stand up (not even walking around) for 8 hours to collate papers. I consider rebelliousness a reasonable response to an unjust world, however, and marvel at what people put up with in order to hold a job.

I am a person with many reasons to feel confident and pleased with my accomplishments, and in many ways, I do. But I have issues of low self-esteem, sometimes amounting to self-hatred, and I was extremely promiscuous until I was 40! I can't find anything in my personal history that explains why I should have such serious issues. I had my share of childhood traumas, and my parents were pretty dismal people, but other people have had traumas and parents much worse than mine and haven't ended up with the extreme issues I have had. Since the promiscuity and self-hatred are classic symptoms of childhood sexual abuse, I have wondered about it, altho I don't remember anything of that nature. However, I have a couple of periods of amnesia in my childhood. I am thinking these issues might be easier to conquer if I had some understanding of where they come from. Anyone got suggestions about freeing up repressed memory without being in danger of creating the now-famous "false memory" syndrome?