Old maybe, but it's a fun topic, so what the heck?
My advice for rough sex: talk about it beforehand. Establish ground rules (does "no!" mean stop or not; if not, what word does mean stop?), talk about what each of you might enjoy - fantasies, specific actions, whatever comes up - and make it something fun you do together - don't apply pressure during negotiations; save that for playtime.
When it comes time to play, make sure you aren't mad at each other - rough play when you're actually angry is a definite no-no.
The biggest advice I can give you during rough play (well, during any sex really, but particularly when you're being rough) is *pay attention*. Even if your partner's mouth is busy or bound (and if you do bind the mouth, establish a physical "safeword" gesture), watch their body language and reactions. Some pain is bound to happen but you can often tell whether it's good pain or bad pain.
If you tie them up, check hands and feet for coolness periodically; if you detect it, release them immediately (blood flow). You don't necessarily have to stop the scene unless they're cold (don't let that happen!) as you can reward your toy with a moment of freedom.
If you're going to indulge in rough contact (not just forceful sex) then start off light - a playful slap on the butt, a hard grip on the arm or shoulder. See how your partner reacts, and go with what makes them writhe or moan. Do they move more when you hit their butt harder? Do it! Does grabbing their hair make them press against you? Get a grip and enjoy the ride!
Pay attention to your own reactions, too: the ideal is to find things you enjoy that they enjoy, too. Once you get more relaxed in your play you can start experimenting with things that are not as clearly on the "yes, now!" list.
Keep communicating, always listen to safewords (there should be no hesitation *ever* if a safeword is spoken; end it), overcome your shyness and ask for what you want (whether you're the taker or the taken) and have fun!
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
