LonelyJedi

You have taken everything from me... I feel like I have nothing left. The end of this year scares me, I feel like my time is running out. We were going to be beautiful and you destroyed me. I can't believe the amount of cruelty you showed me after the fact. Did you just listen to your mother after you left? You must have... the person I know would have never done that. What happened to you?

We were going to be beautiful. On that awful day you went to the grocery store, the girl I was going to be marry never returned. The person who came home from the grocery store was somebody I did not recognize, a person who is completely heartless & cruel. What happened to you R, what happened to our time together? Our dreams, desires & hopes? Our plans? Is there still good in you? Is there still hope that you will return to me and the life we once had? I am afraid of what the answer might be, because I do not want to face them on my own. You gave me the strength I needed to conquer anything. When you left, you destroyed my world. I may have a nice job, a nice house, nice car, etc... but what is the point if I am so unhappy? I am not my possessions. I was going to be your husband.... but now I am just a broken shell of what I once was. This is not the reality that I want to live in.

Is this the person you've always wanted to be? A child? Did you really want to be a teacher, like you used to tell me? Like how you cried to me? Apparently not... you completely dropped out of school after you left. You started drinking when you left... you said you didn't like drinking when you were with me. Did you break-up for the reasons you told me, that I couldn't get along with your family? (the same family you didn't really like either). Or is it because you couldn't live with your lies & becoming an adult? After all, one of the last things you told me when you left that god awful day was "I don't know how to be an adult without you." I will never forget you... I just hope you never forget me and remember the good times we had & come talk to me again.

I still miss you and what we had together. I want you to come back to me, I will always love you

Today will be the first time I return to Detroit without you, R. Today is also the first Detroit Tigers game I will attend without you by my side. I still look over to my side and see your ghost, smiling at me. I can still feel the warmth of your hand holding mine. But I must persevere, because you don't miss me at all. And in time, a new hope will emerge.

I know how you feel, I want to say the same thing to my ex too. I keep thinking that we can just "talk about this" and we will go back to what we had. But as many people have told me, the relationship was like a mirror. Once it is broken, we will hurt ourselves trying to put it back together. Even if we do manage to put it back together, it'll never be the same.... you'll always see the cracks & bloodstains.

Please Rachel... come back to me. I am sure we can work something out. We had our flaws, but I love you & miss you so much. Please... I beg of you, talk with me. My love for you is too much for me to bear, it brings me to my knees many days.

Stop haunting me... stop having power over me. I can't seem to go anywhere without getting flashbacks of our time together and all of the memories we shared. Please, just come home.... just talk to me again. I am sure we can fix this. I know you have a new boyfriend now, but why did you throw away our 5yrs & engagement so suddenly? You may have completely purged me physically and digitally, but how could you pure me emotionally & mentally? Don't you miss me, like how I miss you? This pain is becoming unbearable...

"I am worried about you changing your mind so quickly. I am worried that we will be living together and I fear that one day you wake up & decide you don't want to be with me anymore. That all of the stuff I have worked for will be gone. I can't imagine living like that...." Your response was: "Dan, I would never do that. I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" That was 2yrs ago, right after we got engaged and you changed your mind on everything. After your mother said that infamous line, "I wish I could be happy for you". Despite all of the things you put me through, the pain you have caused me, the loss of strength that you have stripped away from me I still love you and miss you.

This has been my life for the last two months... why can I not let you go? Our history? Our love? Our life we had planned? My denial? My shock?

I do not know who are you anymore. I am not the only one who does not recognize you, our friends think you are falling off the deep end. Your life vastly improved when you were with me, but I guess you never wanted that. You did not want to have a good life with me. You choose your family over me, despite them NOT having your best interest in mind. Everyone, including myself, has been in non-stop shock since you left. Surprisingly, I am the one who is the most shocked as to what you have become and how cruel you were to me. I have seen what you are capable of, you have done similar acts to our mutual friends. You are a broken, unbalanced monster. I still love you and miss you, despite your cruelness. I still want you back... for whatever reason. Perhaps I miss the idea of you, instead of just you.

I still love you, I always will. I will never forget our time together, how could I? You were the longest relationship for me and I was the longest relationship for you too. We were going to get married at the end of this year and you were so happy. Despite all of your flaws, I still loved you for who you were. But I allowed your family to get to me, but I apparently realized it too late. You allowed your mother to manipulate you into hating me and being cruel to me... even though you would always tell me that she doesn't have an affect on our relationship. I miss you more than I can bear, you purged your social media account of ALL of our memories that we shared. I will never delete the pictures that I took of us, it was a time in my life that I was truly happy... and I know you were too. I am now having to live in the house we picked out together, alone. I now have to look at all of the paint colors, granite counter tops, and remodeled bathroom that we picked together... alone. All painful reminders of my failures. I now have to live with your ghost, haunting me in my waking life and in my dreams. I hope one day you will return to me and realize that I was the best you ever had. You said that you wish me nothing but the best, but you have never once checked on me to make sure I was OK. My mother even called you crying because she was worried about me. You wouldn't even respond to me, your mother told me to leave you alone. You have become twisted by your family & their lies. The girl I proposed to is gone, consumed by your mother. You ceased to be the girl I always knew and became evil. When that happened, our relationship was destroyed. I have frequent thoughts of suicide, feeling that my life can just be "reset" back before you left me. Those thoughts scare me, I have started going to counseling and it helps a little bit... but not much. I have even dialed the Suicide Prevention line, hoping for some closure. I have stepped far below than I ever would have thought... I felt like we were on top of the world, but then you destroyed my world & my life within hours. I know I shouldn't let you have this power over me, but it's the love I still have for you. I hate to see you destroying your life and undoing all of the progress that we made together. I hope that you can forgive me for my flaws, just like how I have always forgiven you. I love you forever... and I hope to see you again. - Your Everything

Why? That is the only word I can come up with. Ever since your grandfather passed away, you changed. You had to be with your family more, and cancelled any of our upcoming plans. I had no problem with this, because it was due to a very unfortunate event. Apparently, you did not feel the same. You began to doubt our relationship because we could not see each other a lot. You were different from all the rest, you surpassed them all. We agreed on EVERYTHING, and we never had a fight, argument, disagreement, nothing! I thought it was too good to be true, but our relationship kept on going. I told you I would be there for you for everything, and when your grandfather died I still kept that promise. And the sad part is, I am still there for you even after you tossed me aside. It stung a whole awful lot when you threw everything I had ever given you on your porch. I felt as if it was like garbage, needed to be taken out. When you decided to end our wonderful relationship, I was very shocked. Quite frankly, I am still in shock. You were crying when you broke up with me, and I somehow remained strong and did not cry. You would cry more when you said that I was the best boyfriend you had ever had, and that nobody has said such nice and sweet things to you before. I treated you like a queen. You kept saying how you 'feel' we aren't on the same level of liking one another, but I disagree. Everything and anything I said you reciprocated back to me. I only did cutesy things for your happiness, and your happiness alone. I am sorry. I was just so excited and happy to know how lucky I was to have you in my life and have such an amazing girlfriend who finally treated me right, shared same moral values, and loved everything I do. You were very different from the rest, you were really nice. I miss you, and I will probably never forget the lady who made me so happy. The part that hurts the most? I didn't do anything wrong.

I am sorry, but I have lost all faith in you. Everything you have told me, was a lie. You turned your back on all that you were. You told me that you would never dump someone for someone else, because it has happened to you. But, as it turns out, you did it to me. You broke up with me, for the second time, claiming you are so unhappy with yourself and how you need to happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Lo and behold four days later, you're very happy and people have already been talking about "him". The following week, you decide to block me from viewing your FaceBook wall. Something you're trying to hide from me? Possibly. But, you are doing me a favor. But, then as of today "his" relationship status went through my filter and somehow appeared in my feed. It is now official that you two are going out. Is this your rebound? Or is this... your new toy to play with? It bothers me still, that I took you back when you were on your hands and knees begging for me to take you back. Foolishly, I did. I never would have seen this coming. I knew you were lying when the break up was cliche, and how you remained so calm during the entire process. You lied to me about everything. You are a horrible person. I hope you are happy with all of the issues you have. I want to know when your relationship with the new guy will end, so then... you will feel the horror that you put me through. You are a terrible person. And even after all of this, I want to give it ANOTHER shot. But I know this will not happen, because the person I am waiting for no longer exists. You ceased to be the girl I loved, and became a lying * * * * * . When that happened, the good girl that was my lover was destroyed. I don't know who you are anymore...

I remember when I first met you in psychology class. You made me the happiest boy alive, and then you broke my heart. I decided to be strong for you, and be your friend until you made up your mind. I started to give up, and thought all of my efforts had been in vain... and like a new girl. But then you promised to change yourself, and I gave in even when all of my friends and family told me to run from you. I decided to give you a second chance, and forgive all of the pain you had caused me. You then reverted back to your old self, and distanced yourself once again. You broke my heart again, telling me that you are depressed and can't be with someone if you're unhappy with yourself. I almost believed it. You truly are a helpless fool. I gave you one last chance to redeem yourself... and this is how you repay me? I'm sorry I couldn't be your knight in shiny armor. I tried my very best, and you bled me dry. There is nothing more I can do. I would have done anything for you, because you made me happy and I fell in love with you. You were my first love. Now, I have to stand up for myself and be stronger than ever. I can no longer allow you to cause me pain anymore. Our paths may cross again if we are destined to be together, but until that day... you need to get your life together and stop hurting people. I went through hell and back trying to be the best I could be for you, and yet still it was not enough. I waited for you, for an entire year. Now, the tables have been turned. Now YOU will know the horror...