Springs

I am happier than I've been for years. I thank God for pulling me through the hell I was in because of you and allowing me to see my true value and the amazing things that still lie ahead for me. I'm over it now. I'll probably always love you, but I know for sure we will never be again, and that is how it should be. I'm done on this forum now. I don't need it anymore. No more.

I'm beginning to think I'm deep down some sort of sadist for repeatedly inflicting pain on myself over and over again. I'm sick of you and your constant let downs, never giving me a straight answer, avoiding my calls and then pretending you were busy. We both know you have a * * * * social life so don't lie to me. I am just so angry right now. And so hurt. Why did I have to fall so hard for you and continue to rub salt in a wound that is so deep I wonder if it will ever heal.. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm in pain. I mean I really feel like my heart has been broken down so much it's barely beating anymore. That's how I feel. It's been so long and I am so worn out with this. What the hell is wrong with me?? There must be something seriously wrong for me to still feel so much intense pain because of you. I am exhausted. I am so so tired of always feeling pathetic, always wanting more, always being built up to be spat on over and over again. And I never learn. Why couldn't you just leave me alone. You saw me making plans and being happy. Moving on. Then you come right back in again, look in my eyes and make me feel so loved only to say 'what's the point'.. I honestly wish I'd never met you. The amount of pain you have caused me is insane. I hate myself. I just want to disappear.

I truly love you crinkle pops.. I dreamed and hoped for so so long to be beside you again curling into you. And now it's happened and I have to leave. I know it needs to be this way, for now. This is how it needs to be. But it's nearly been a year since we were in a proper relationship together and I have not lost one ounce of love for you in all that time. I wish I really knew how you feel. I know you hate facing your feelings and you just try to block it out, but I wish you would have come to get me rather than let me go. I only hope that when I come back we can see each other again, and who knows, maybe try this out again. I know I will never feel this way about another person as long as I live, and that terrifies me. I know we weren't perfect together. At times we were awful together and you drove me mad. But you're like a part of me now. When we're together I feel like a complete whole person again. I want to spend my life with you. I only hope you listen to whatever it is in you that keeps you hanging onto me, and realise that I will be so good to you, I'll love you more than anyone could. It's killing me to be going to the other side of the world, so far away from you. I know I need to do this, but I love you and it's hurting me so much to do this. I hope to God that this isn't the end of our story.

Been a long time since I posted here.... but I miss you and I wish we were spending this day together. I have loads of good friends and family but you are still the one I long for even though I try to block it out. I love you.

Oh my word.... I'm HAPPY!!! I'm moving on, I'm getting over you, I realise there is such an amazing world out there full of wonderful people and opportunities. For the first time in sooooooo long I feel like me again. I'm getting there I knew it would come but it's about time. Couldn't care less if I hear from you again. Whatever. You missed out and didn't realise how valuable it was to have someone who loved you as much as I did. Too bad. I'm happy

Someone else is interested in me, d. I like him too. I admit I am too hung up on you to progress anything and am not really interested in pursuing anything, but still, it reminds me there are others out there who will treat me well and make me feel close to how you did in the early days. I wonder if you have found any new girls to be the next 'me'. I shouldn't care, but I do. I still love you. I still think noone could be my little soldier like you were. But those feelings are fading, I suppose. It's happening.. I'm getting there.. part of me doesn't want to get 'there' because then you really will be my past. Just somebody I used to know. I know that's the reality but I don't want it to be that way. I really don't. Love you.

I can't believe I am still in tears over you, when you are clearly happy without me. Please God when will this just stop

No text from you. I thought you would have sent a 'good luck' message but it doesn't bother me that much. Though I have spent a lot of the day in tears, thinking about the past, worrying about the future, wondering how I wasn't enough even though I gave everything I had to give. Been so close to reaching out but I can't, I really can't. I swear, I wish I never met you d, it really wasn't worth this.

Part of me is expecting a text from you today, or tomorrow. To wish me luck with the new job. I know you know. You probably won't get in touch and it's best if you don't, but I can't help but hope I see your name light up on my phone. Whatever though, I get it now. Anything you say is just words and nothing more. They mean as much as what silence says, so it's best to stay silent.

Miss you. Went out last night with work. Was my last day there. I wish I could have text you and told you. That place has been my safe haven for all these months.. a place I could go to forget about you, keep busy and occupied, and achieve things using MY skills. Anyway, new job on Monday. I'm quite nervous. I wish you could be there on Sunday night to wish me luck. I won't get any sleep! I hate you not being in my life anymore, I really really do.

You can't do this to me anymore. You can't just keep turning up in my life every now and then, pretending you still love me, telling me how sad you are, how you miss me. You're LYING. It's nothing but an ego boost to you to know I still love you so much, that I would have you back tomorrow, but you still don't want it. I hate how you do this to me. You make me think you care and then you drop me and ignore me over and over and over again. You should have spared your stupid text message... it's not fair.

I wanna text you sooooooooooo much...But I won't.. I won't I won't I won't. Wonder if you'll be saying happy valentines day to a girl who isn't me tomorrow. Ughhhhh.. I really miss you so so much.

I miss you. I want to text you and tell you, and I know you would reply. I know you would say you are happy to hear from me and that you miss me too. But it's all a load of BS and I'm realising it more and more every day. You wanted me out of your life therefore that is exactly what you will get... absolutely nothing. Thinking of the good times and the memories still gives me pain and if I dwell on it I know I would cry. But I need to accept that what is gone is gone and will never come back. This is opening new doors for me, unexpected ones that I didn't think I would be walking through. But it's good. Still wish you had the courage to say you don't want to be with me because you don't want to accept just being with one girl for the rest of your life.. I'm not stupid. But you're a coward and made me do the dirty work for you. I still love you, and I want the best for you. You're a really great person and deserve happiness. But so do I.

You're nothing but a stranger to me now. It's sad. We used to be each other's best friends, now nothing. Hope you are enjoying your freedom.