Rotxsen

I can't lie to you, I don't know what I miss about you. Personality wise I am trying my damn hardest to find something to miss but I don't. All I know is that I miss the company of a woman.. Maybe it's you because you are the closest thing that is familiar to me and we did dated for almost 3 years, 3 years of constant bashing, constant narcissistic abuse but even then, I tried my hardest to stay with you. I remember one time I almost broke up with you, and you hold me down, you just literally hold me down till you found that someone that is better. Really, sure he's skinny but we are the same height and honey now, now I am superman no one can change that, I worked hard, every time I hit the gym I am the first one to enter and the last one to leave, sure I am doing this for myself but I know for damn sure you'll see me again, you'll see the new me, the improved me, the man who once gave you his all in order for you to be happy. Now, will be given his all to someone else, make love to someone else, just like you know... I wont be looking for love, because I know love will look for me, will get to me. Because, even when you have left with a guy that is completely opposite of me which is a sign of a rebound, i know for a fact that guy doesn't love you, no one can love someone else after 7 years of a relationship, I know that for a fact because I am here now, Sure I have side chicks, friends with benefits because they know how charming and great catch I am, but they know for sure just like I know I can't love, my heart only pumps blood and willpower to change this body to further improvement, one day I will look at you in the eyes and smile and laugh at the fact i feel in love with a abusive girl like you, because let's be honest you two are snakes, but I don't hold on to grudges, momma taught me better. But one day, I'll shine brightly, so brightly that you can't even contain it. you will want it, but it will be near nigh impossible to. It's odd, In a few days I make almost two months being alone, sure it's only been two weeks of NC since we met and you told me all about your "love at first sight" but let's be honest, you can't even put a picture of you two up, because you know damn better that you care about what others think, and they will say you left the greatest man in the world, cause believe me, I am the greatest, and you know it deep down that you downgraded, you know everyone else thinks the same, specially your friends even your best friends still are in contact with me, that's how amazing I am, even your sister. you think you hurt my self steem? no, you actually helped me, I thank you because now I am free to RISE HIGH, I will BECOME A BEAST, THE BEAST THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN INSIDE MY CHEST AND I WILL FORGET YOU.

To think at nights are the only time I miss you, and the mornings i wake up beating myself up, but I do finally get up and get my ass to the gym I realize, you ain't worth a dime. I might shed a tear, but I tear because of the time I wasted with you.

And after a year of NC I broke it. It was time to fight my fears, finally let everything go now we are friends but for how long?

Back to Day 1? After 10 months of being on NC, yesterday it was through facebook somehow I posted a comment just before she posted one on one of our mutual friends status so she goes seconds after I posted she goes Lol, you type weird I'm like lol ? I know? and then she goes hey yo old man when are you ever gonna add me again?, I'm like wow straight to the damn point... I go well too lazy add me if you want but text the phone cause I don't get on msn as much... well after this she hasn't said a word so I'm like eh?? what the hell was the point of this? now fellas I truly need your opinion on this situation cause I feel stuck o_o

Well she did said happy bday to me like it was nothing she was soon after talking about how wonderful her new bf was and I soon ended that conversation but now that she's running single from what these friends or should I say stalkers say they are like go for it etc.

I been thinking about this a lot lately myself I mean she did said happy bday to me on jan and her bday it's coming on oct maybe I should hmm..

You are sure strong keep it up don't falter.

Lol, I wish I could forget the name but I have forgotten how she looks like and how she sounds.

Day lost count I'm not afraid to keep on going to the point right now it's like what's the point of saying hi ? at the end I will end up on her web of problems I'm not a therapist anymore.

It really is like playing Russian roulette I might get shot lol.. right in the heart by her again!

I mean when I tried talking to her the other day I was like shaking, my heart was beating faster I was nervous I was like I can't think straight.

Well guys sorry for the late reply busy busy ! I start college soon and I got me a nice job and a car ! =D well yes I been thinking about that well I have a few facts and two friends of mines they being like ying and yang about it. one of the things she posts stuff about missing someone who knows maybe it's you like this one "Not because I don't talk to you, doesn't mean I don't miss you" or the one that now the perfect bf that she left me for they broke up two months ago and I hear she puts a lot of weird stuff like come on hurry up come back (cause apparently he was just a rebound to get over me) etc so I'm like ehh I don't know and my friend goes well remember this nes if you truly love her doesn't matter if she went with him what matters she's gonna be with you now and remember you weren't exactly a gentleman now you are and I can see you have grown, and my other friend which is female goes no why would you do that you would only hurt yourself remember what god has gave you and what he has taken from you it's because of a reason etc, so I'm stuck on this dilemma Should I go back and try to grab what I can from the past, Or let it go completely I mean I feel like this whole chapter it's about to close I either take whatever I can from it and move to the next one or close it forever.

Wow its' been since jan 29 my bday I started NC and now I feel great I think I'm gonna break NC and try the waters be friends with her again and maybe make her an option what you guys think?

I took a break from Ninjutsu for a bit since going to the classes took me 2 hours in train so I'm focusing on getting a car and saving some money but dude play your cards right because in three weeks it might be the last time you might meet her mate god bless and loxxt and getbi will show up eventually lol

Damn, bro you should have done this a long time ago but I solute your courage now it's time to keep on moving mate.