I am lesbian and I have been with my lover going on 4 years. i really love her. we had problems with infedelity, verbal and domestic abuse. let me begin. we started out living together after 4 months of dating. It was the 4 of us (she has 2 kids) after 2 months living together we had a problem with her online affairs, then she would sneak to date a male co-worker. got her own phone line so she can have her privacy. when she felt she wasn't getting enough privacy because i kept busting her on the things she would try to hide, she felt she needed to move to a different state. later she wanted me to join. leave a career of 2 yrs, security, to go where i had no security and have to start fresh because she will not keep a job, but something about her made me hold on and continue to love despite it all. i stayed faithful even though we had our problems. but after she slept with someone i thought was a friend mine i snapped (she would visit her hometown often to see and take care of business), at the time we weren't together but we were working on starting over. i began to sleep around to because i found it hard to just let go. after a while i realize that all i wanted to do was hurt her the way she hurt me. its just to bad i realized it late. when i would decide to make the move, i would learn of someone new and become hesitant again. after 3+ of this i became drained being faithful only to find out she is having another afair, i began to sleep with someone also. but later let it go when i realized what i was doing to the other woman. then i learned she was sexually involved with a man for 3 months and he pratically stayed in the place i got in my name and would continue to help with the rent. she had me travel to see her only to decide to break up, i became furious, we fought and she called the police to put me in jail after i had already gone. i called her and thats when she didn't mind telling me she couldn't wait to sex him again. i left her alone. she called me a week later, she loves me. but later she found that she became pregnant, their relationship soured so she concentrated on me once again. she got an abortion and when the case was dropped. i was going to try it again until she became verbal and so i left her alone, no communication for 5+ months. now we are together again the 4 of us and its not all together the same. she loves me the way i wanted her to in the beginning. but after so much stuff i can't seem to get that fire going again. and makes it hard to give the kids that love they should have because they are an extension of her. i have experienced a few lies and explosions since we've been back together but i don't feel shes cheating. but i feel that that still isn't enough to make me love her again like i did when i first fell in love with her for the first time. AM I TRIPPIN?!
