im sandra dee

I talked to someone new and it was fun! It was so much different than talking with you!! He seemed much more easygoing, for sure

Hello Goodbye, that is, haha hehe

yuppers, I am FINALLY starting to let you go! I am actually interested again in meeting someone new... I talked to a new guy on the phone tonight... he and I will meet someday soon, for sure... WELL HELLO, I think I'm over you FINALLY!!

I had been thinking what it would be like to see you again someday. On the other hand, what's the point? If you had wanted to be with me, you would be with me now. I think that I'm starting to let you go FINALLY!

I have mixed feelings. I feel lonely and I miss you. I feel relieved that I'm myself again. Because I tolerated things when I was with you. I can breathe again.

what is the point of going on without you?

Do you know how I am getting through each day without you? I imagine that you're telling me to go my eat dinner like you used to do when we talked on the phone... remember how sometimes it would take me forever to get started on preping my dinner? I imagine that you're telling me that it was getting late and time to hang up the phone. I imagine you listening to how my day went. I imagine you laughing at me because I have a cleaning lady and you telling me to clean my house. OMG. I imagine you saying OMG and laughing. You made me laugh and often. I imagine how you get through your days alone. You go grocery shopping. You cook. You clean your house. You watch tv. You spend time with your dad. I find it easier to get through my days keeping you in my thoughts. You are somewhere feeling lonely just like me. I hate feeling this way but in time it will pass. I will become indifferent and my feelings will change. I keep repeating that to myself over and over. And when I feel like crying, I cry. I don't stop myself. I let myself feel whatever I have to in order to just deal with it so I can move on. I don't second guess myself or wonder what if... the only thing that I would ask you now is this: won't you change your mind before my feelings change? I don't want to let you go. I want you to open your heart and share it with me. Please before my feelings change completely. Come to me. Hold me. Hug me. Don't let go. I won't turn you away. Make love to me. You won't meet someone like me ever. Please change your mind. Take me in your arms and don't ever let me go.

I must be strong. I'll get over you in time, I know it. I feel so lonely now without you hanging out with me. But I felt lonely with you too... when you wouldn't hug me or hold me and when you were cold towards me... but I told you that you were cold, didn't I? I told you that you were stone cold. And I even went as far to say that you don't have a good heart. You disagreed. Well, dude, you didn't show me your good heart if you have one... you took my virginity and then you claimed that you didn't want to do it, well that's a load of B.S.... there were two of us in the room that night and you did what you wanted... Ok, I'm not going to complain about it, it is what it is.... I took a risk and without risk there is no reward right? I wanted to experience it and didn't want to wait for "the one"... I may never find "the one" but if I do, then the experience with you taught me one thing... what I can not tolerate.... I must be held and hugged and told often that I am loved and cared for... I'm not angry at you... I know you can't change your mind... you're somewhere feeling lonely just like me... I know you are alone because that's how you want to be... you said that you're selfish and don't want to share your life with anyone.... and even if you find a woman to have sex with, you'll still be alone, sex doesn't take away loneliness... and someday you will see that... now I remember something that you told me not long after we first met,... you told me that you were tired of sex-only relationships,... you either lied to me or you didn't know what you want... I believe that you don't know what you want... anyway, it's time to put away my memories of you... I'll think of you another day, I'm sure but when I do, you will be less important to me... still, knowing that my feelings will change and I'll be indifferent in time, still there is a small part of me that wishes to speak with you again down the road when I'm stronger and can resist any temptation I may feel to be with you again...... I thought about you today and felt a moment of attraction but the feeling didn't last... time to put away those memories. I will keep a few of the special ones locked away in my heart because I did feel an emotional connection to you.... it wasn't love... I'm not sure what you would call it... I enjoyed spending time with you... and that part I will miss.

I feel like calling you right now.

Been listening to Big Girls Don't Cry... (ok, I admit I've been crying) I wish that I could tell you: That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And this: And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And: The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay And finally: But it's time for me to go home It's getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself and center, clarity Peace, Serenity

I told you that I didn't want to become like you wanting sex only and that's why I had to end things with us. I feel happier now and at peace with myself. I don't think about sex as a short term goal with you or anyone. I will try again with someone new when the time is right. I don't have any hard feelings about what happened. I wish that someday that I can talk to you again and see you again but not to have any sort of relationship with you, just to find out how you are doing. Things may not have worked out with us, but I want you to find happiness just as I hope to find it too for myself. That is how I feel today. I took a chance with you in the hopes of discovering something about myself and I did. I discovered that I can survive and move on.

It's now been two days since we last talked and I miss you. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.

Well we were never a couple so we didn't actually breakup yet I still have some healing to do. I said lots of things so there isn't much left that I'd say except for this: I wish things had been different. I wish that you could tell me that you cared. I wish that we were on the same page and wanted something more together. But in time I saw that you weren't right for me and that you didn't want to be with me. I'm grieving the loss of the idea of you and the idea of falling in love with you. Can I keep a small part of you in my heart? The part that I so wanted to be your friend at the very least.