badburnz

I've never done FWB, looks too damn dangerous. From my perspective though, if you want to have strength, think about how quick you had to dress, then think about the guy that the girl he really loves is actually going to get.

Hey people. I have come to this sight a few times over the last little while a complete mess due to a situation with my Ex. I owe alot of people alot of thanks for listening to me whine. One last time I guess. Cheers. It has been about eighteen months since we split the first time, tried last year to get it back together again on and off, there were alot of issues, and it was ldr for alot of that. The last breakup was messy. I felt that I could only get over her if I never heard from her again. She contacted me a couple of months later. I fell apart. She began emailing me. She was with a new guy. I put off seeing her because I was in sheer hell hearing about it. When I finally hit a really rough patch and went to see her we started seeing each other regularly and eventually I spilt the beans and told her I still loved her. The events that followed could be summed up as an emotional affair. No sex, but very flirty, also very very deep and heartfelt. I felt awful about this because of the other guy, but wasn't strong enough to pull away. I wound up doing the stupid pushy, clingy thing where I would fall apart and declare my love etc. I told her how painful it was for me to be with her when she was with somebody else. I love her on so many levels that I would love it if I could just be her friend. I lust for her, but there is something there as well which has always been there, which is like a perfect synch when it comes to communication. We are like best friends. She has told me that I am the only guy she has ever been able to communicate with like we do. I have tried to be there for her. She hit a rough patch while her man was overseas, and I helped her out, she stayed at my place, I gave her emotional support etc. I was honest with her and told her that it hurt me to do this for her. She eventually had to be the strong one and tell me that she would'nt want me to be unhappy, and that maybe we shouldn't see each other. Her man is back next week, and I know that we aren't going to have the time or opportunity to spend time with each other, and it hurts me. Despite the fact that she was the one who contacted me, she said that when I told her what I still felt for her that it confused her, and that she was split, because her relationship with the other guy (who I think was a bit of a rebound-I have been trying to forget her through my hobbies and friends while she tends to forget one guy by jumping into bed with another) had progressed (they are living together). Regarding me, she has said that she just doesn't know what is going to happen in the future, but that I am the first Ex that she has had that she couldn't give an honest, straight out NO to, and that we should just try to be friends, provided it's not too painful for me. I'm ripped up, because I want her as a lover and I know I may have to cut her off if I can't have that, but if I do that I feel that I would have lost my best friend also. But the situation is at a head. I want her back, but I don't know if I can let my life go to the can worrying about the situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

I'm lost. I can't sustain concentration, I don't have any skills. I dont have a sense of purpose. I don't have a sex life. These days I feel distanced from people I used to feel close to. I never have enough money to get by on, and I can never figure out why. I remember a time when I felt like an interesting and vibrant person, but these days every time I talk to somebody I feel boring and stupid I have felt too old and past it to change my situation since I was about 20. Everything I have tried to do has been a failure. Almost everybody I have known most of my life has always talked about my untapped potential. I used to believe that there was some sort of potential there, but I am starting to lose my belief in that idea. I feel completely unsatisfied. I rarely feel happy, I can rarely concentrate properly. I think I am a smart guy, but I always seem to say things which make me seem stupid, mostly because I second guess myself constantly. I think about all the things I want to do with my life, and then I come to the staggering realisation that I am only thinking about them, and that my life usually consists of floaing around not really doing much with myself or sitting alone staring at a wall and trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I think that this constant train of thought regarding who I am and what am I doing and how can I change etc, is poking through my mental faculties and interfering with my ability to function. I rarely feel like I am focussed, and I find myself floating around in some sort of groggy haze. I don't feel properly close to very many people at all, and I am afraid to tell people how I feel because I can see that they all seem to have lives and direction and happiness, and I don't want people to either pity me or get sick of me. I feel overwhelmed by these feelings, like there's nothing I can really do about it, and the older I get the more I feel that the people around me think of me as a waste. I have known people who have had a tougher run than I have in their lives and don't complain about it, and I feel I really don't have anything to complain about, but I'm really frightened about what's going to happen to me if I can't sort my life out somehow. I'm lost.

Heh heh heh. Yeah, well...glad to be of service...

she doesn't have my number thank god. I think I need a shower, a vomit and a quiet place for awhile...

God I hope I don't see her again. This is the first time I've done something like this, but it's totally weird, everytime I go out I seem to attract nutcases. I am a total freak magnet! I never seem to get any attention from normal girls. Must be something about the way I look or something.

Which doesn't sound toooo bad I suppose, but all conducted in a way that had a really weird vibe which has left me felling worried, disturbed, embarrassed, dirty and guilty.

Stopped myself before things went totally all the way, after sobering up enough to realise that she wasn't just drunk, that she was also nuts, told her sorry I wasn't able to go through wth it, got a weird situation where she was accusing me of stealing her cellphone, a weird semi-argument, then a breakdown and weep from her about how screwed up her life is followed by her giving me her number, telling me I'm a great guy and asking me to keep in contact and then she left.

Oh my god ohmygod! What have I done?! I got curious in a bar, this woman was sleazing on me hard, and it's been a long time and I thought what the hell. I've never done this before-never again. I'll never take a stranger home from a bar again. Total bunny boiler! Mental case! I'm worried I might have just earned myself a stalker! Oh my god oh my god oh my god. What am I doing!? Arrrrgh! Why did I get so drunk? Why didn't I realise that my penis makes stupid stupid decisions? I am an idiot! And a sleazy idiot to boot! And it was at a bar literally 50 metres away from where I work, and I hadn't removed my work uniform due to after work drinkies with my colleagues-not only does she know where I live, she must know where I work!! AAAARRRRRRGH!!

OK, so I have been kinda seeing my ex. Unfortunately, she is with another guy, and says she can't make up her mind. Seems to me the situation is that they are basically flatmates who have sex, and I'm her emotional boyfriend. Nasty eh? Anyway, I've been a drooling neurotic mess with her alot recently. Totally pitiful. She has mentioned that she is thinking about moving out of her current place and getting a flat to herself. I think yay! She has told me that she wants to see how we develop over the next little while. Then she drops the bomb that she thinks that this time is a great opportunity to date other people (she is living with another guy anyway). I've spent 18 months totally hung up on this girl, unable to get her off my mind and unable to move on or even function properly without her in my life (as I said, totally pitiful). Had sex once in that time, and that was with her, the last time we were trying to get it back together (getting frustrated). Seems to me she doesn't really know what she wants. I have made a decision, and would love to hear some feedback. Her boyfriend/flatmate/sex buddy, is out of town for a month. During this time I am going to hang out with her as much as possible, treat her like a queen, spend quality time etc. Then I am going to tell her that I won't be anyones fallback boy, I won't share her with other people and that if she wants to see how things develop it has to be within the context of an exclusive relationship. And that she has all the time in the world to make her decision, but that I don't want to hear from her unless she has, and that I may not wait forever. I am not totally comfortable with making this decision to wait and play her along like this, but I want her to really get a taste of what she will be missing with me not around, and be totally sure that I did everything I could to try and salvage my relationship with the love of my life. Does this sound fair enough, or just a little bit manipulative? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

So I have been in contact with my Ex. She is living with a new guy. When we first got back in touch, she told me that the current guy might well be "the one". Later on, I got drunk and told her how I truly felt about her, love her want her back, made a terrible mistake etc. If he really was "the one", I would have thought that she would have told me to get lost. She actually seemed to be encouraged by my spilling my guts and wanted to see even more of me. As we've been spending more and more time together, she has admitted that her new relationship doesn't really satisfy her. When we are together, we act like a couple. My flatmate walked in while we were spending some time together, and later asked if we had got back together. Regarding us, she has said that she loves me, but she loves him as well. She has said she is thinking of getting her own place. No mention of breaking it off with him. She has also said that she wants to see how she and I develop over the next 6 months or so. Again, no mention of breaking it off with him. We haven't had sex, but what we are getting up to feels like cheating to me, and I'm not into cheating. I can't get her off my mind, and I am becoming increasingly distressed. In short, my hearts in a blender. She says her heart is split, but I'm starting to feel like I'm really being toyed with. Anybody got any suggestions?

Timboo, I feel for you man. I can't honestly say that I can properly understand the implications of some of the difficulties you're facing. I'm not disabled for a start. I can relate to alot of the feelings you're going through though. Been there myself. I think everyone has. Please don't lose hope. You've proved yourself able to keep going despite your disability, you've got yourself your degree. You are a person of worth! All things are transitory. You might be going through hell right now, but things will change. The barebones truth of things as I see it is that you've got two choices in life at any given time, either take a kicking and go down, or kick back. Often, you have to hit absolute rock bottom before you decide to kick back. I believe from reading your post that when you decide you've had enough of your situation, and you want to make changes, you probably have the raw stuff inside you to kick back hard! Just don't lose hope. I feel that this would be a tragic waste of a useful and beautiful life.

What can I say Brando. I was confused at the time. The ultimatum came from her and she wouldn't budge. I sometimes have difficulty communicating inside relationships, and I have some issues with anxiety. When she had been giving me this ultimatum for awhile, I was so stressed that I took the cowards way out and stopped calling her. We were doing the long distance thing at that time, she was in another city, and I felt that if I just let her go I would never have to see her again. Didn't work out that way, she moved to my city for university. When she arrived here, she called me in a state. She was clearly distressed on the phone, and I was falling apart inside from the sound of her voice, but I just knew that at that time if we'd got back together it would have been the same old story, so I made out like I was doing real well, and I was totally moved on and stuff. Stupid move on my part. I was pretty messed up and I couldn't face getting involved again. So I guess I brought this situation on myself through not stepping up to the plate and expressing what I wanted from our relationship. I was a wuss. She sounded so heartbroken that I was hoping she would not want to have anything to do with me again (I've never kept contact with exes before, I thought that was just what happens), so I wouldn't have to deal with the situation. I thought that I would just forget her and move on. I haven't. And I hurt.

FriscoDJ, I agree with you. Unfortunately, as I said I'm a bad man. I have never cheated on anybody, and I have never wanted to be somebody who breaks up relationships or somebody who is engaged in any kind of elicit affair, but I've been wrestling with my feelings over this matter, and I am beginning to question my own morality. There is a part of me that says I have to completely dissappear, but there is also a part of me that wants to be completely self centred and just get involved and damn the consequences. I have always thought that if I was to mess with somebodies relationship like I think I am now, I would feel really bad about it, but I don't. I don't intend to actively go onto pursuit mode, but I am still holding onto the idea of just letting things follow their natural course. I know I may have to dissappear, but I don't want to yet. I have set a date in my mind as to when to do the dissappearing. I am amoral. Her BF is out of town for a month soon, and this time corresponds with me housesitting a gorgeous appartment where she lives. I figured that that time could be useful for us to spend some time and consider what is actually happening. Maybe I'll have the strength to leave her alone after that Nothing really physical has happened, and I'm confident that I can control myself enough to keep that from happening, but the emotional bond we have really is something unique, and I'm not sure I can just let it go without knowing that we couldn't try again. I know that that makes me a manipulating jerk. I don't really feel too proud of myself. I'm weak.

So, I love my Ex. I want her back so bad. We broke up six months ago. She moved in with her new boyfriend four months ago. At the time when we broke up we had been trying to get things back together over months, and it had mostly been working, the only problem being that I wanted to wait awhile before we moved back in together again, as I needed space to work on some personal issues, and I could see that if we had moved back in together it would have all gone to hell right away. She would not accept this, and she basically gave an ultimatum type deal, that either we moved back in together or she wasn't interested in being with me. Make of that what you wish. Anyway, this seemed a catch22 to me so I ended it. I wanted to not have anything to do with her, cos I hurt really really bad, and knew I needed time apart to heal. Despite the fact that she has a new boyfriend she has continued to send me Emails and wanted to get in contact. I finally started face to face contact recently, because I have not been able to get her off my mind, and I want her in my life and I want to find out if we could possibly be just friends. We are still amazingly close. We've both grown up alot and I can see that the problems that were there when we were together would never happen again. It hurts. Aside from this, I'm confused as to the nature of our relationship because, while I do make an effort to hang out with her boyfriend and flatmates, we prefer to be alone together. When we are alone together the dynamic is exactly the same as when we were together. It is a couples dynamic. I got drunk and told her how I feel about her (stupid I know), and since then, we've been seeing more and more of each other (you'd think this would send her packing). We will walk down the street together arm in arm like lovers, and, though I know I shouldn't even be trying it on, she doesn't mind if I kiss her. Regarding her boyfriend, she has said that she doesn't know where that relationship is going, and regarding my feelings she has said she can't make any promises but she can't see what lies in the future either. If she hadn't got involved with the new guy(who is actually a really nice guy, I like him alot), we'd be together for sure. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to lose her, I love her, but I don't want to mess with her existing relationship, and I also don't want to be sidelined as a potential future fallback guy for if her current relationship doesn't work out. I only know one thing, which is that as long as she is in my life I can't be with anybody else. I don't think I can be just a friend to her. Anybody got any suggestions?