Dr. Horrible

I had been seriously considering sending this; I somehow managed to stop myself just prior to clicking send: I have been doing a little bit better as time has been passing, so that’s good. However, there’s one thing that still burns me up each day. I’ve been wanting to ask you about it but I guess I’m scared that what I learn could be worse than my fears. Most nights, when I lay in bed and sleep has trouble finding me, I can’t help but picture you with him now. I’ve had suspicions for awhile that you had started hooking up with B already. I mean, I’m in Massachusetts, not stupid. It just makes me so angry and sad to know how quickly you went to him. I hope that’s understandable, that it’s not in any way an unreasonable reaction. Based on when I think things started up between you guys, the speed of it breaks my heart even more than it was already. It makes me even wonder if things started before I even left. Of course, now I can’t help but feel like maybe this wasn’t as much about you figuring yourself out as it was about you just wanting to get with him. It’s one thing to feel like we broke up for you to find yourself, it’s something completely different to feel you left me for another man. I can’t even describe what it feels like to imagine you and him sharing the bed that used to be ours. I feel like I’ve been played for a fool. I’m not exactly sure why I feel I have to tell you this. I just know it has been eating me up inside for some time, and telling you seems like the right thing to do. I hope you can understand that. If this is an impersonal way of expressing this to you, then so be it. I just wasn’t sure if you’d even pick up the phone if I called, or if I’d be able to stop myself from breaking down if you did. In sending this message I’m not trying to make you mad, elicit your pity, or hoping that you’ll feel bad and want me back. I just want you to know I deserved better than a half truth, better than this ending. When we were together I always deserved you though. The problem is, that’s not who you are now. I trusted and cared for you more than anyone else in the world. Now I don’t even know who you are anymore. I really do hope everything else was true though, because given all this I’ve been seriously wondering. I’d like to think that our love was real, I know it was for me. Part of me is scared you’ll look back on us and all you’ll be able to see is the broken person I became when you left, rather than the great partner that I was.