nekoxchaos

haha im a girl btw but thanks =]

Ah I was so close to giving you a call, this past two days you have been popping up in my dreams and their usually not at all pleasent... I guess it doesnt help dreaming about being rejected. I've been having a * * * * ty week .... job search has been hard, The creative recruiters called me two days ago and I feel like everytime they call its like dangling a carrot in front of my face... then I don't hear anything and im so tired of applying to all these jobs and not hearing anything back. I cried, its been a while since I felt that kind of sadness and need and I wanted to talk to you ..... I miss you as a friend but I know you probably think so less of me now. I'm pretty good at pushing people away , but im so lonely and in need of support but I can't turn to you anymore because that relationship is over and even as a friend I know if I call you, youll look at your phone and smirk and shake your head. I remember you said youll be there as a friend but will you really hold your word ? I dont even know how meaningful our friendship was but I hate how I miss you and I can't do anything because I've known that feeling of getting rejected. I'm pretty tired right now , but I guess I only have myself and I can only pick myself up and dust myself off. It's been a hard few months with alot of reflecting and though I may have been hurt and faced rejection I still think i learned alot about myself ... my strengths and weaknesses and how to appreciate some things that I took for granted. I know its too late now, we may never see each other again in the future and when we do you'll probably be with someone you love and loves you, youll be sucessfull and when that happens I hope you don't recognize me at all. I haven't had the worst of luck as other people have experianced but I'm still in some pain and even feel more isolated ever since losing my job and losing your friendship, I guess I just have to patient for now and bear with it .... I realized how much strength I had these past two months so I have to keep going on.

Blah sometimes it makes me want to throw up how cheesy and flirty youve been getting with girls on facebook at this point i no longer feel upset when i see it but more of the feeling of wanting to throw up in my mouth im hoping you arent playing with peoples emotions just because your lonely ;( its not fun .. i hope you become more considerate of other peoples feelings and stop being so impulsive any who i was foolish for contacting you after not speaking for three weeks which was like a record for me but this time im sticking to my guns XO.... which wont be easy but i like challenge hopefully one day youll come around but i doubt it ;O but hopefully by that time i wont give a crap anymore