marthasunny

Have you ever worked so hard that you lost your social life? Did you ever wonder what it's really like to be a physician-in-training? Although I wouldn't describe myself as a workaholic, as a physician-in-training, I've had to study 100 hours a week for months. (It was a requirement- not something about which I had a choice.) That's months without any social interactions. Although now my life is easier (I'm only working 70 hours a week), it's difficult to deal with the loneliness. Have you ever felt really lonely? What did you do to make the loneliness better?

When is a good time for two 25 year-olds to get engaged? Would I be rushing things if I got engaged to Peter, my best friend since college, after dating him for only 1.5 years? In some ways, getting engaged early on in a relationship (as opposed to 4+ years into a relationship) is exciting. At the same time, I still lust after Peter since it's so early in our relationship. I don't think that I always use my head very well when I'm in "lust." Although I've known Peter for 5 years and care very deeply about him as an individual, I want to make the right decision. How do you know when it's truly time to marry someone? Hormones and the feeling of being "in love" aside because that doesn't always last.

Hi! I've been there. I fell in love with a "married" man. He was one of my best friends for years. When I made a list of what I wanted in a relationship, he fulfilled all of those qualities. I don't think that I could have asked for more. I never thought that I could find someone better. The only problem was that he was taken. I never thought that I would find myself attracted and in love with an unavailable man, but guess what? It happened. Then all I could think of was how to get him to love me back. Irregardless of how he felt about this other woman or the fact that he was officially with her. I understand where you're coming from. I didn't understand where my friends where coming from when they told me that I should stop all contact with this man. I thought that he was my happiness and what we did felt so good. I had no idea why so many people adviced me against being in love with him; I was thinking with my feelings. The problem is that sometimes an individual has to act in ways that are completely unfair and that make you miserable. There's some type of higher good out there and some things that you're supposed to do even if they really hurt. Married men are off limits even if it's hard to see it that way. Even if every once of your body is telling you to stay with this guy, you have to stop all contact. It's thinking about things from a different level- understanding that sometimes you have to go against what you want- for the good of some person who you might not even know (like his wife). I'm sorry! Realizing this fact of life for me was incredibly difficult, and I was in an incredible amount of mourning for quite some time. Yet, today, I feel like a stronger person... like a more moral person.... like someone who did not what was in her best interest but what was right.

Thank you for the message so far. Thanks for caring enough to post something! I like your idea of using the internet, but Amy does not have internet available to her. As for therapy, I think that it would be difficult for her to get some since she only has limited insurance and a rather poor-paying job. Her mom isn't that well off either. Yes, the statement about needing to look within yourself is perfectly true. By dealing with her issues and turning her strength inward, Amy would become a stronger person. It's just very difficult to do that without positive role models during a very trying time. I think that individuals are more likely to grow when they go through a loss but are surrounded by a supportive environment. Support is one are in which Amy can surround herself by one a few people. She doesn't have friends and has very few family members in the nearby area. Any other ideas? I'm afraid of what might happen to Amy unless some type of intervention is performed.

My brother just broke up with his girlfriend Amy of 4 years. They met in high school. She just graduated from high school and is working at a local store with no plans to attend college. Anyway, during the 4 years of their relationship, his girlfriend spent more and more time around our house. She lost track of her friends years ago and became more like a "house sitter" at my parents' home. My brother, on the other hand, was able to maintain his friendships. These are friendships with individual who do not like Amy and, thus, do not plan to see her. Amy has several social skill problems like rudeness that seem to keep her from making long-term friends. Now that my brother's relationship with Amy is over, Amy has no idea where to go. She has no friends and only her mother in the nearby area. Amy is devastated, and I'm too busy right now (literally) to make time for her. I'd love to, and I can't. How do you suggest Amy be helped? Right now, she is incredible devastated.

Medical school can be rather tough but so is the rest of life. What I've found is that having a relationship is medical school can occur. It just requires some adjustment on the part of the couple. Many people even have time to find their significant others and get married during medical school. Of course, relationships can last during medical school. I think that the bigger issue comes with residency. There are stories that people during their residency (which happens after medical school) work 100+ hour weeks. It's during this time that it becomes really difficult to have a relationship. A person who is chronically sleep deprived, perhaps cranky as a result, and has no time to see you is definitely not going to make the best partner. But having a relationship during medical school. Hey! Why not?

Good question about when to get married! I think that it depends on your reason. I like the idea that you should at least be in your mid 20s. After that, however, it's up to who you find. It's up to why you enter marriage. I think that the best reason to enter marriage is because you truly love that person and you don't think that there is anyone in the world who would be better suited for you. Not because you don't have dating experience but because you've dated a lot of people and come to the realization of what you really want.

You change so much between the ages of 16 and your mid 20s. Often, what winds up happening is that you and your fiance/husband wind up moving apart. Trust me! I started a relationship at the age of 17 which I thought would last forever. I never loved anyone as much. Yet, guess what? Over time, the "in love" feelings usually go away, and you're left with the actual person. Psychology books say that a great deal of personality adjustment occurs into your early 20s. To be with someone before that time is taking a gamble that you won't grow apart. And, yes, while it's true that couples of all kinds grow apart rather quickly, I think that couples who get married young (as you) are that much more likely to grow apart. Just a thought! I think that sometimes when you read certain posts, you can say, "That just won't happen to me even if the statistics say something." You're right. Statistics can't apply to just one person, but almost everyone thinks that. Guess what! For all of the people who think the statistics don't apply to them, many eventually find out that statistics do.

My boyfriend Michael recently moved back home with his parents. (He's been my boyfriend for about a year and my best friend for 4 years. We're in our mid 20s.) For the last several months, I was constantly over his place and slept over on many occasions. We had a great deal of fun and one-on-one time together. An amazing relationship! The problem is that now that he's moving back home, my time with him will be limited. I live at home, too. His parents ultra-conservative so no more sleepovers much less laying in the same bed. No kissing or hugging at his place either! His parents are always home and believe that shows of affection should happen after marriage. Spending time with them makes me very uncomfortable. Since I live about 1.5 hours away from him and even farther away from Michael's work, I am expected to do most of my hanging-out at his house. This makes sense since previously I would hang out at his place mostly. Thus, I feel like a kid in a candy store who just had the candy store taken away from her. No more sweets! Previously, while there was physical intimacy between us, now it will happen seldom if ever. While previously I had a great deal of one-on-one time with him, now that time has to be split with his parents or any other friends that hang out with us. I feel the intimacy of our relationship has ended, and in its place is a relationship which more closely resembles the kind that I had while we were only best friends. Although we haven't broken up, it feels a lot like it.

Anyway, now it's been a year since my breakup, and I've learned a lot about life. I wouldn't exchange my last relationship for the world, and I'm glad that we broke up. Although we weren't right for each other, I learned a great deal about relating through him. Eventually, I'll have another relationship with someone, and I'll be much better able to related with him. I feel like a divorced individual without the baggage that comes from divorce including money issues and child custody problems. (I had no children; we aren't asking each other for money.) The next time that I relate with someone, I will be able to spot problems and react to them early. I've learned that relating is about being part of a team and doing what's best for the team instead of individual members. I've learned what I want in a person and what kind of individual to find. All really great things! While a lot of my friends are just beginning those really long relationships right now, I have learned many of the skills needed to better sustain a long-term relationship. Think about it. I think that you might have learned something, too.

Hi! My ex-fiance and I were together for 6 years. I started dating him when I turned 17, and we broke up when I was 23. I completely understand where you're coming from. Breaking up is very difficult if it's with someone with whom you practically grew up. What I've learned is that I did most of my growing-up between the ages of 17 and 23 when I graduated from high school, moved away from home, had to decide on a future career path while in college, graduated college, and continued with life. There were so many changes during those years, and the person who I was at the age of 17 was no longer the person I was at 23.

Hi! My ex-fiance and I were together for 6 years. I started dating him when I turned 17, and we broke up when I was 23. I completely understand where you're coming from. Breaking up is very difficult if it's with someone with whom you practically grew up. What I've learned is that I did most of my growing-up between the ages of 17 and 23 when I graduated from high school, moved away from home, had to decide on a future career path while in college, graduated college, and continued with life. There were so many changes during those years, and the person who I was at the age of 17 was no longer the person I was at 23. Anyway, now it's been a year since my breakup, and I've learned a lot about life. I wouldn't exchange my last relationship for the world, and I'm glad that we broke up. Although we weren't right for each other, I learned a great deal about relating through him. Eventually, I'll have another relationship with someone, and I'll be much better able to related with him. I feel like a divorced individual without the baggage that comes from divorce including money issues and child custody problems. (I had no children; we aren't asking each other for money.) The next time that I relate with someone, I will be able to spot problems and react to them early. I've learned that relating is about being part of a team and doing what's best for the team instead of individual members. I've learned what I want in a person and what kind of individual to find. All really great things! While a lot of my friends are just beginning those really long relationships right now, I have learned many of the skills needed to better sustain a long-term relationship. Think about it. I think that you might have learned something, too.