I read your posting. My heart goes out to you in the biggest way. I, too, am experiencing the loss of what I consider to be the best thing that ever happened to me. My partner and I were together for a year and half. Unfortunately, we moved in together at the wrong time. My Dad died a year ago, and we allowed ourselves to somewhat justify our speediness in living together a secondary life move to my father's unexpected death at age of 57. Me, being 33, did not know exactly what to expect when faced with loosing a parent at this point in my life. I thought I had plenty of time to worry bout that much later in life. I should have known that to start a relationship coupled by my father's death would be too much for the both of us. What I can tell you is that with sometime, the smiles, memories, and foundness the two of you had for one another will find its' way back to you and for your acknowledgment. The most rewarding feeling inside is going to be for you to have the opportuity to rekindle, but you're likely to decline the proposition.
You see, relationships are built forever. People want to believe that a break up can be a complete split up of two peoples love and respect for the self and other. I feel, however, that the two remain as they were it is just that we take on different roles in the relationship. Similar to the movies, you may have been the husband during such, and such dates but, now you are lead character/role of a ____? to this person.
I hope this helps some, I know what lonely nights in bed alone with the smell of him next to you is a pain that is so, so deep. My tears are freely flowing just being with you during this time. To smile and think about how beautiful it is to have and be able to have these feelings should never cause of to forget the beauty in just that and that alone. Cheers, my friend. Keep in touch.
