toflyforreal

i want so badly to text you tonight, to reach out. have this pain that washes me over and over just end. i am getting over three years of feelings that you had the idiocy to mess around with. i was up til 6 in the morning the other night just thinking about you- thrashing. so angry at myself that you haunt my mind, keep me awake. yet i know i can't talk to you - it would never fulfill me. it would go against for the new standards i've set for myself. and YES i've been living life. yes i have my friends, yes i slept with someone new. the things i've always done, save the interruption of my extreme LOVE for you in my life. you are too emotionally distant for me. you are too emotionally distant to have a RELATIONSHIP with anyone. i thought you were gonna try for me, but i was wrong. and that's where you ****ed yourself.. you teased me one too many times and made me believe that you actually cared... which you didn't. well if i'm not enough for you, then you're not enough for me either. mark my words - i will NEVER contact you again. i can't believe i put up with you for so long; chased you sometimes. i know you miss me in your way but it isn't enough - not at all enough. you haven't even called. what do you expect???

i can't believe you had my heart for three years, and dashed it to the ground. but NOT before telling me that my "things have to change" email "opened your eyes" and "slapped you into being the better person you need to be". that better person was someone who sees me as "more of a friend than anything else.." thanks for taking all this time to decide. thanks for taking what was becoming a friendship after i finally healed, and turning it into a relationship that you ultimately didn't even want. thanks for seriously, stomping the **** out of my heart. you've bled me dry. you probably thought i'd be hanging around forever, and it's like i finally see the behavior i settled for from you. but you made it impossible, you made it SO HARD for us to be any way except exactly the way you wanted. but all that's over now. i hope you enjoy your new life without me. you've taught me that some people in this world truly are scum who will lie down and dirty to preserve their status quo. you've taught me to protect myself from people like you. goodbye, soul-mate.