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grneyedscotsman

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  1. Hello Travsjeep. I realize this is hard to deal with. It's even harder when you beat yourself up with adding "What if's" to the problem. However, your ex girlfriend is in Hawaii with a new love interest. What you need is to give your old relationship is a clean break. Whatever you have learned since the break-up may be useful to you in your next relationship. If you're simply not ready to let go, you will find that by calling her, you are setting yourself up for depression. She will tell you news that you simply do not want to hear. Furthermore, hearing her voice on the other end of the line will only make you want her more. What helps is staying busy. Set new goals to improve your quality of life-with or without a mate. Plan a weekend get-away with a few mates. Talk to trust worthy people about your feeling's. And remove or hide anything and everything from your presense that reminds you of her. Transitions are difficult and usually take on a course of trial and error. But you will discover that as time moves forward, it will become easier to deal with and you will undoubtedly find ways to deal with getting pass the regrets, and the pain-- and finally pick up and move on. It is a journey that so many people go through. Loss is a sad fact of life. Realizing and accepting this fact, is the first step you will take to managing the loss. Let her go. Forget the "If Only's" and the "What if's." It's your life and you have the right to be happy. Never give anyone that power over you. Take Care/Godspeed!! grneyedscotsman 8)
  2. Hello Crumble In regards to your request, I've made several attempts to answer my private msg's, but could not gain access to replying. Perhaps it was something in my own computer. In any case here I am...I hope! You indeed got yourself into a bit of trouble. But from what I gather your true problems are not with your mate, but with your addiction to cocaine. You asked, " how could she just block out those three wonderful years you gave her." " Will she stop running?" Even though it was the coke that drove her away. I understand you love her. That is not in question. I understand that you miss her and desire her. What I don't understand is that you seem oblivious as to why she is not running back to you. After all, you admit that you swore off cocaine in the past, but went back to it. Perhaps there is a chance that she loved you so much that it was killing her to watch you throw your life away on this drug. Perhaps it was not YOU that were unattractive, but you using the drug was unattractive. Perhaps there is not significant "bloke" in the picture at all. I doubt if it's a hormone thing--causing her to stay away, but rather her not wanting to bare-witness to someone she obviously cared for withering slowly away into oblivion. Perhaps she thought you enjoyed your cocaine over her. Not Possible?? Please Read On.. I'm really not trying to hurt your feeling's Mr. Crumble. I'd rather enjoy giving you some answers to help you than to harm you further than you already have. Some Facts about Cocaine... Cocaine--Physical and psychological effects. Cocaine is a stimulant-that is, it increases the activity of the nervous system. Cocaine causes sudden increases in heart rate and blood pressure. It also produces a feeling of euphoria (a sense of well-being). People feel alert and powerful, and their thinking seems better and clearer than usual. Occasionally, strong feelings of anxiety and fear occur instead of the expected high. Cocaine use can be extremely habit forming. When the drug's effects wear off, usually after 20 to 40 minutes, people often feel depressed and take another dose or more to try to regain euphoria. *Habitual users may come to feel that nothing is enjoyable without cocaine. The long-term use of cocaine may cause some people to suffer depression or psychosis (severe mental breakdown), which makes them unrealistically suspicious or fearful. **These symptoms may continue for weeks or months, even after a person has stopped using the drug I'm going to provide you with a site to check. You cannot beat this alone. Cranstoun Rehabilitaion-United Kingdom They specialize in helping people. They can and will help you get your life back. If your able to contact your mate, ask her not to pitty you, but to pray for you. If she see's that you are this serious to get your life back, she may stand by you. However, don't count on her-count on yourself right now. Godspeed you Crumble! grneyedscotsman [/b]
  3. Hello Broken Heart I appreciate that you are considering the best strategy to fix the problem in your relationship. I'll offer my synopsis to the other advices you are being offered to give you more strategy choices to consider. I'm sure you already know, using a poor strategy can only get bad results. Couples end up reacting, criticizing, getting defensive, withdrawing, or stonewalling. It's hard to recognize that we have fallen into a bad strategy. All we know is that the more we try to deal with an issue, the more unhappy we get. Remember this: Love Alone Is Not Enough It is destructive to keep reacting, getting defensive, fighting, falling into poor communication, withdrawing, or closing down. Sooner or later, things get said or done that can never be taken back. You have to walk a fine line between : (1) showing her you really want it to work out -vs- (2) chasing after her too much. If the relationship gets lopsided, with you being the one who is always trying to make it work, it won't work anyway. It has to be an equal thing. And if she is not opening up, or she won't communicate, then you are left in a place of no-win. STEP BACK I wish I could tell you something that would make sense of all this. But I do recommend that you step back and just give her space and time to do whatever it is she needs to do. Unfortunately she has not been very receptive to you lately it seems. If she has not given you alot of hope in terms of reconciliation, I would avoid chasing her-period. I would make giving her space a solid priority. This is really an opportunity for you to learn and grow and get ahold of yourself on a more solid basis emotionally. This is not a problem you need to fix in the relationship. There is nothing to do there. It is an emotional issue of need you can face within yourself. And emerge from that uncomfortable self-examination with more strenth and commitment to yourself. I am not happy with the way she is splitting, the lack of communication, the unclarity, the issue of this other gentleman. I am concerned about you getting your own emotions together and getting centered and in control of your life. This means really stepping back from this situation altogether in a rather big way, atleat until you are more relaxed and centered in just being who you are--with no "her" that you are bouncing off of. If this relationship fails, in your future relationship you will carry a renowned sense of wisdom. And remember to always be open and honest. Even the little white lie is a no-no. I hope this adivice can be of some use to you. Take Care/ Godspeed! grneyedscotsman 8)
  4. Hello lovehurts. I understand you have authentic reasons to feel insecure. Just curious, have you and your S.O. discussed exclusivity? In anycase, you are getting signals that possibly show that he is not as disentangled with the other woman as you would like. You are indeed in a period of heightened insecurity over it. This is a natural stage to be in right now, if he is fresh out of his last relationship (within the last six months), and if your relationship is relatively new. The sorting out of emotional attachments is going to be a gradual process for the partner who moves from one relationship to another. At first you were not concerned because you yourself were not as emotionally hooked into the relationship with him. So the ambiguities and lack of clear boundaries around whom he speaks with was not as big a challenge for you, right? But as you got more attached, and he took on more importance to you, it became more of an emotional issue. You went through some back and forth negotiations (on the emotional level) and new clarity was reached. But not total 100% clarity. This is rarely reached in a jump, but is more a gradual process of sorting things out. If you are optimistic, this may still be seen as the gradual clearing process which ultimately leads to the next even more clear level of commitment and solid emotional boundaries in the relationship. If you are pessimistic--which can seem to happen if you let your insecurities dominate your inner emotional landscape--then maybe you focus on the threatening aspect of the situation and think about letting it all go. As long as you see this as an issue outside of yourself, you will simply be like on a yo-yo string, being pulled back and forth--based on his emotional responses (and how you interpret them) whenever discussion about his ex is brought up. Look, he is going to have emotional responses about her. This doesn't necessarily mean his spine is made of jelly and that she can emotionally blackmail him into reconnecting. I don't know what his spine is made of, and at three months, neither do you. Maybe he doesn't even know. I have no idea what his inner landscape is, without actually talking to him. And for the moment, that only keeps you from grasping your real opportunity here. Your real opportunity--and perhaps the only thing you can really count on--is for you to get a better grip on your own inner emotional landscape. You have some issues around insecurity. (As if we all don't.) The thing is , this category of internal issue is precisely what confounds even the best of relationships and creates alot of blockages down the road when it resurfaces again (and it will, for other reasons)--blockages to authentic and robust intimacy. When you go outside yourself--looking to him and his actions for a solution to prevent your insecurity--you are creating a kind of codependent linkage that ultimately will not serve you or this relationship (or any future relationship). So the interesting opportunity for you and you alone is here--right now in this relationship-to commit yourself to doing some personal growth on your internal emotional landscape. In other words, learn how to better take care of your insecurities (and any other negative emotional states that come up for you in matters of love). Self-care in the emotional realm is the single strongest skill that an individual can develop-that will enable them to achieve healthier and higher caliber intimate relationships. So this is your opportunity to do that kind of personal growth. Think of it this way. If you focus on him and what your strategy should be to minimize your insecurity, i.e. let go, relax, leave, whatever--then you are missing the opportunity to do your own internal work. You are looking on the outside (at him) for a change to happen--and missing the opportunity on the inside to go ahead and make a change (in you). You cannot control what happens on the outside. The only area where you can develop mastery is inside. The relationship with him will turn out one way or the other. Either you two will stay together. Or not. The question is, where do YOU want to be, regarding that personal growth, either way? If you do the personal growth and you two stay together, you will be setting up conditions for a higher quality relationship sooner, and you will be unplugging the polarity pattern that the two of you are already developing over this issue (which really is "insecurity" which equals to him likely seeing you as "possessive" on one side of the polarity). If you do not stay together, and you end up having grown personally, then you will be in a far better position to see and get the kind of relationship you want the next time around--without having to go through this issue again. Relationship is our teacher. Love brings up our lesson plan. And we just have to face the same lesson again, until we learn it. Either way it turns out with him-it is only to your advantage to change your focus and work with this situation as an opportunity for you to foster your own personal growth around insecurity and your responses to insecure situations such as this one. What to do specifically, if you want to rise to this challenge for personal growth as your best response to the situation? You can get involved in reading materials--self help books, and frequent this forum. You will find others who are in very similar situations as yours. As for your boyfriend, continue to communicate with him. This new relationship may very well indeed be a large adjustment for him. If you avoid backing him to a corner, you will not threaten this relationship. I wish you well! Kindest regards, grneyedscotsman 8)
  5. Hello bindeshp. So you've got the digits from these lovely ladies, but are having a tad trouble getting them to accept a date with you? Waiting a few days is a good start. Never dial those digits a day before the third day. Why? Because like it or not, women don't want needy men. They like men that are busy and satisfied with their own lives. So remember to wait 3 to 4 days before calling. Next, pre-plan your date. Have two date ideas. For example, if you plan to take her to the art museum, call the museum and find out if there are any special attractions, fee's, and any restaurants or cafe's in the museum. Why? Because when you call this special lady you will be able to say, "Hello (her name), this is (your name). We talked the other day at (location). Hopefully she will initiate some of this dialog. If not, don't worry about it- just continue.. "I called the Art museum yesterday and was informed that they have a special exhibit on Egypt (or whatever)., and even have a cafe there. I thought you might want to go there with me?" Now wait and give her a chance to answer. Don't be too pushy! If she reply's with a "no," simply say "perhaps another time." Don't ask for reasons. She may or may not offer one. That's okay. You should be able to pick up her signals if she's disinterested. If she seems interested but does not offer a reason why she cannot go to the museum (or wherever), she probably really isn't interested. However, if you have a back up plan, -hence another option, you can offer that option instead. Hey, atleast you bloody tried! Remember to have confidence! Control your voice tone and rythym. Rehearsing your date proposal prior to calling will help you a great deal. If you feel nervous when you begin dialing, hang up and rehearse. Be okay with rejection, there are plenty other fish in the sea. You'll be fine. Let us know how it goes. Take Care/Godspeed! 8) grneyedscotsman
  6. We've all seen him: the guy who breezes into a room, smiles, winks and leaves men, women, and children swooning. Guys want to be him, women want to date him, and everyone else just wants to be around him. What's he got that many others don't? The ability to be charming. What is charm? Charm is more than simply having the ability to make people feel comfortable in your presense, it's the talent to make people-sometimes complete strangers-enjoy it. Charm is not sexual, or sleazy; it's light and pleasant, and mostly warm. Charm is defined by the tone in your voice, the eye contact you make and your word choice in conveying a message. It's the ability to make people feel that they matter to you-regardless of whether they do. Consider what struck you about the last "charming" person you met or saw on the big screen, what was the first thing you noticed? Chances are that first thing was how friendly or outgoing he or she was. Most of us go around in little shields of silence. Scurrying from one appointment to the next, lost in our own thoughts and insecuriities, barely acknowledging the world-and the people-around us. We're startled when a complete stranger speaks to us out of context. Combine this surprise with a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly tone of voice and we leave the fleeting interaction feeling a bit, well, better than before. This is charm. Still uncertain what I mean? Read on: What makes you charming? OK, so you've got some vague concepts to work with; how do you translate this into attention from the ladies? One step at a time. Step One: Make Eye Contact. First, consider your public demeanor. When you walk down the street, do you look at the people who walk by you? If their gaze happens to meet yours, do you quickly look away? For many guys, particular those living in a big city, the answer is yes. No one looks anyone in the eye-except charming people. Men who know how to charm understand the power of meeting someone's gaze. It says, "Hey, I see you, and I know you see me." It's difficult to ignore. And that's your aim. Step Two: Smile. Now that you've made eye contact, don't just stand there and stare. Make a gesture of warmth. Turn those lips upwards at the sides and show some teeth. Make it a good one. Don't be sheepish; give a big, full, eye-sparkling smile-even if you've never seen the person before. Chances are the object of your attention will be surprised that he/or she will turn, smile and even blush. Now you're cooking with gasoline. And did that hurt? Did it cost you anything? Of course not, now let's proceed: Step Three: Be Friendly. The fact is, just being friendly to someone gets their attention. Consider the last time you went through a checkout counter. Did you look up at the checker? Did you smile? Most people don't. They pay and go without saying a word. On the other hand, the few guys who look up, smile and say hello are remembered by their checkers everytime they come through. Simply by taking a moment to be friendly, they stand out from the hundreds of people who walk through that checkers line every day. This is the response you're looking for. Step Four: Make Warm Conversation. Most people don't take the time to make idle, friendly conversation. As such, they blend in with everyone else failing to make conversation. As such, they blend in with everyone else failing to make conversation. It's like an unspoken understanding: "Get me my bloody tea; I don't care about you and you don't care about me." This attitude isn't consistent with human nature. We want people to care about useven more than we want to care about them. Charming people understand this basic human need and profit from it. By simply inquiring about a person's day, or simply paying a compliment about the shirt they're wearing, charming people elicit the attention and caring of the person they take time to flatter with their attention. For example, next time you're at a restaurant, look up at your server, make eye contact, smile and say "My word, these crowds are busy. You're all holding up okay?" There, you displayed some caring for another person's situation. Chances are that the server may go a little extra for you in a returned visit. Step Five: Sprinkle in Compliments. If Rule One is that people respond to being noticed, Rule Two is that they respond even more to being noticed favorably. After all, don't you? The key is to compliment people, particularly women, in a sincere, non-erotic fashion. This is easier than it sounds. After all, most of us notice the clothes, the hairstyles and the eye color of the people we meet; the difference is that most people don't vocalize their positive opinions. Next time you notice a nice sweater, a bright smile, or new pair of shoes-say something. Remember people want to be noticed. Feed that need and you'll stand out as someone they like interacting with. Step Six: Use a little Pop Psychology. Some compliments needn't be so obvious. Simply giving a person a little boost in the right department will also put you on their good list. Take a moment to consider the person you're speaking with. If you were in their shoes, what would make you feel good? For example, what's the difference between walking into your local grocer and making the following two statements to the acne-faced teenage boy behind the counter: "Where's the papertowels?" or "Hello there, boss, where did you hide the papertowels?" The first question conveys all the information required, but does nothing else. The young lad at the store will most likely never remember you. The second question conveys the exact same message, but also includes nuggets of warmth that say, "Hey, guy, I know you're just a kid, but you run this show and I'd be grateful if you could point me to what I need." OK, so he's just a kid, but now, more than ever, he's struggling to identify himself as "the man." Like you weren't there? Give him a little of the acknowledgement he's craving and he'll be your papertowel-fetching little buddy for life. Conclusion The key is, be friendly, be warm and make people feel that you care about them, their job and their little contribution to your needs. Most importantly, be positive. No one likes a downer. Act like you're having a splendid day and you'll spread it around-without wanting or asking for anything from anyone else. This type of attitude is what being charming is all about. Got the idea? Now practice your charm skills on everyone you know: other chaps, elderly people, parents, teachers, fellow students, co-workers and especially to whom you have a special interest in. You'll be delighted what a little charm can do. Take Care/Godspeed! 8) grneyedscotsman
  7. Hello again. Ultimately, time will pass and time supposedly heals all wounds. (We might agree that it would be nice if time also wounded all heels...) But getting over something because we either start forgetting about it or get involved in something else....this may be the normal process of letting go...but it is not the healthiest way to go. It is rather passive and, in fact, I have seen many many cases where the emotional baggage is still there, affecting the next relationship. The real opportunity for you at this point in time Dan,...is that it is truly an important opportunity for you to continue to personally grow from this experience...grow in ways that assure you that you never have to go through it again. About letting go. Letting go is a bit of a paradox. Because you have to think about what it is you are letting go of. Which is her. Hence you are not letting go because you are thinking about her. So let go of the whole idea of letting go. There are three areas of personal growth that will best serve you at this time. (1)Emotional (2) The Lessons Learned (3) Cleaning Up Your Own Patterns. (1) Emotional This is a time of pain, anger and anguish. These are emotional states that we go through within the first few months of a break-up. They can be particularly intense. How we respond to these emotions can make a huge difference in self-healing, self-nurturing and self-loving. To put this simply, there are two directions you can go in how you deal with these emotions. One direction is to focus on this other person (her) and how she is involved with you feeling these unwanted feelings. The other direction is to learn to better care for your own feelings and bring them to a state of inner healing. Your post suggest there is a lot of energy right now, understandably, in focusing on her. I am suggesting that a major healing opportunity is upon you, to change that focus and learn to do some inner healing. This learning will not only make you a stronger person, but it will better equip you in a future relationship (not that you want to think about that now) and make you less susceptible to emotional manipulation in the future by some other party. (2) The Lessons Learned. Unfortunately, all too often we can tend to learn the wrong lessons from a painful breakup. We learn not to trust anyone, based on the pain that just one particular individual (who left a bad taste in our mouth) bestows upon us. We learn to protect ourselves the next time around in ways that further mess up relationships and hold us back from the love and joy we truly want. We learn to close the doors to everyone, based on this one person we had a bad result with. I think you see where I'm going here. All these lessons are not only erroneous, but they will only hurt us and keep us suffering in the future. The important lessons to learn about the nature of having a healthy successful relationship --is to not repeat the mistakes just made. (3) Cleaning Up Your Own Patterns. This is also a great opportunity to see more clearly what your own part of the dance of this particular relationship was. Healthy relationship is partly a matter of each partner taking full responsibility for how things are and where they are going. I realize you feel the desire, or better-the NEED to prove to her that you are a changed man. You may one day get the chance, but until that day, don't lose site of yourself or what you want out of life. Take Care/Godspeed grneyedscotsman 8)
  8. Hello Ginger. Welcome to eNotalone! I feel very Honored to be the first one to answer your Poll. "Question: "What are my three Favorite Romantic Movies" Answer: (not necessarily in this order) Beauty and The Beast (Walt Disney) Six Days and Seven Nights Dirty Dancing (Tied w/) Ghost ...can I do that? I have not yet seen The Count of Monte Crisco. I'll have to have a look at that one. Take Care/ God speed 8) grneyedscotsman
  9. Hello nfgfan. Welcome to eNotalone. You met a young lady at the local grocery store in your small hometown. You think you already blew it by not returning an interest in her a year ago while she had eyes for you. Not to fear young lad, for I will be happy to offer some age-old scottish advice. Let's start with your self-image. Look in the mirror and smile. How does it look? Now try a flirtatious smile that ladies would coo over. Are you doing it? Go ahead,..get off yer ass and do this. Now that you know how to perform the first step, let's move on to step two. Flirting Flirting is the key to a successful seduction. If you master flirting, you will master the art of seduction and vise versa. By flirting you will build a rapport. "Rapport" simply means that she likes to talk to you, and feels safe doing it. When you are flirting, you usually aren't talking about anything heavy or deep. You are probably talking about something fun, or silly. She feels pleasure, and you feel pleasure. This creates rapport. Flirting lets you get to know her to see if you really want her. By flirting with her, you may descover she's very sensitive and easily offended. If your flirting makes her angry or makes her want to cry, you probably don't want a relationship with this lady. She may come back with, "there's some things you just don't joke about". If she does and you know it was really nothing( in your opinion), you are now 'clued-in' that she's not a good match for you. Flirting with Humor Remember this, rfgfan: you want to make her laugh. If you can make her laugh (so long as she isn't laughing at your expense) then you are delighting her, and she'll be looking forward to seeing you again and again. You will lighten her day. **However, as most men know, women often find different things funny than men do. It's easy to misuse humor with women, and to frighten and offend them instead. With that in mind here are some do's and don'ts for flirting with humor. Don'ts Don't joke with a lady as roughly as you would with a guy, and don't make jokes about her appearance. This is very important. Never joke about her mistakes. If you drop something, it can be funny. Guys can even say way to go BoZo and you'll even laugh along with them. It's a much different case with women. They would be very offended if a joke was made after dropping anything. Don't use physical humor with women. Guys play with each other using physical humor. They play-punch each other, give noogies and generally get roudy together. Men find this great fun but it just doesn't work on women. Just don't do it. Don't make yourself the butt on any jokes. This is VERY IMPORTANT. Remember this, when a woman meets you, she may be deciding what position you will have in her life. Will you be a lover? A friend? Someone she avoids? She's trying to figure out what level of respect to give you, and one way she figures that out is by watching how you treat yourself. If you make jokes at your own expense, she knows that you aren't worth wasting time on. Do's Do make "creative misinterpretations." When you approach a woman, you've got to be alert and have your eyes open. Look for the details in her appearance or in what she is doing that you can safely make jokes about. You do this by putting a new spin on something normal. I do this with a local bank teller by asking her,"Do you get to keep a percentage of all the money you take in each day?" My attempt is to creatively misinterpret something in her environment and use it to flirt. Always try to make your misinterpretations complimentary for her. Like you could misinterpret this girl you are interested in as a "Grocery Goddess". Do SMILE and Say "Hi" Your expression is an important part of your behavior. When you approach a woman to flirt, it's best to be relaxed and to smile, make eye contact, and say "hi." Too many gentlemen approach flirting in a non-playful manner. They don't look relaxed and they don't sound relaxed, so as you can guess-they aren't received well. Do ask her about things she knows. Work related questions are good, as are questions about personal appearance. One good line is "What is the story behind that...?" If, for instance, she is wearing an unusual necklace, you might say "What a beautiful necklace you are wearing. What's the story behind it?" Do ask questions. After all, you want to find out about her, and asking the right questions can give important information. It's not interrogation, so don't badger her with questions, but do make inquiries about what she cares about. I'm sure you'll do fine with this young lady. Just remember to show confidence, but DON'T be arrogant. Also make sure you stand tall, head up shoulders slightly back, and you are well-groomed. Fine-tune yourself and you will shine brighter than those around you. Good luck. Take Care/ *Godspeed-(*prosperous journeying) 8) grneyedscotsman
  10. Hello sisterlynch. Cyber-Dating came about around a decade ago. It is where singles go to basically shop for a date through the internet. A person doing this will post an ad ( sometimes with their picture attached), and check back from time-to-time to weed out the replies that they are not interested in. As you can see there are Pro's and Con's to using Cyber-Dating. Take Care/ Godspeed grneyedscotsman 8)
  11. A hearty laugh and a sunny smile combine to produce the cheapest and best medicine known anywher in the world. -Life Lessons Sage advice from the essayist and publisher Elbert Hubbard---but remember, perusing it won't do you any good unless you apply it: Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual. . . .Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude-the attitude od courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are Gods in the Chrysalis. " A man without a smiling face must not open a shop" Ancient Chinese Proverb. Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Take Care/Godspeed 8) grneyedscotsman
  12. After cleansing the pleasurable area, the mood is set with candles, insense, and light soothing music. The Passion and Romance is burning. You must move slowly, gracefully, and confidently with your partner. You must be able to pick up the proper signals she will be sending. But, you must not be too prompt with her eagerness. You must keep building the passion, until the flames of passion are almost too intense. Now it is time to learn the Kama Sutra arts mixed with a little Celtic-Scottish know-how. Begin by kissing her neck and ears,..slowly...ever so softly... Whisper,.."you're eyes are so beautiful. You feel so good in my arms",..etc; Be pleasantly honest. Find sweet things about her, and tell her what you find. Slowly you move down leaving a trail of kisses from her neck....down. Take Your Time!! S-L-O-W-L-Y!! You now are in the right place (Assumingly so). -------------------------------------------------------------- With delicate fingertips, pinch the arched lips of her house of love very very slowly together, and kiss them as though you kissed her lower lip: this is "Adhara-sphuritam" (the Quivering Kiss). Now spread, indeed cleave asunder, that archway with your nose and let your tongue gently probe her "yoni" (vagina), with your nose, lips and chin slowly circling: it becomes "Jihva-bhramanaka" (The Circling Tongue). Let your tongue rest for a moment in the archway to the flower-bowed Lord's temple before entering to worship vigorously, causing her seed to flow: this is "Jihva-mardita" (the Tongue Massage). Put your arm around her neck and slowly enter her,..very,very slowly. *NOTE: Women love variety. Never get habitual in this art. Try different things. Ask her what works and what does not. Tis better to be informed than to remain ignorant of her desires. **Also, using your fingers to enter her while you work your tongue left to right to left (flickering) works well. And sucking lightly upon her clitoris is another favorite technique. Godspeed-(prosperous journeying)! grneyedscotsman 8)
  13. Here are some more practices to include on building your child's self-esteem. 9. Remind your child to think positive thoughts by putting notes around the house with smiley faces on them. You can draw a smiley face yourself, or buy some smiley face stickers. 10. Say "I love you" and mean it, everyday. Children need to hear it often, especially when it seems like they don't deserve it. When things are going badly, keep in mind that it is their behavior you don't like, not them. Hearing is powerful but written reminders are also good. Slip a note with "I love you, "Mum/Father"( or "Mom/Dad -American version) into a coat pocket or lunch bag. It won't be long before you start to see some positive changes. 11 Positive Word Exercise. How do you want your child to feel? Happy, Confident, Calm, Peaceful 12. Teach your child to say and do good deeds. It builds good character and produces positive feelings within the child. Twice a week, have your child select someone they know who they will say something nice to and someone else they know who they are going to do something nice for. It makes no difference how small or trivial as long as it's something nice. Follow through with your child to make sure it was completed. Each week, try to help your child pick two different people from the friends, relatives and schoolmates he/she knows. 13. When your child is feeling down, help your child write a letter to a 'make believe child' who is having a bad day also. Let your child give the other child advice on how to feel good. Many children will discover that they need to take their own advice. As they write the letter, their negative feelings will begin to lift. Only give as much help as is really needed. The best results will come as the child does the mental and emotional exploring. 14. Teach your child anger control. Building self-control can be a major source of pride for your child. Anger is a right brain response. If you teach your child to do a left brain behavior as soon as the anger is felt, the anger starts to go away. It is an automatic response. The quickest left brain activity you can teach a child, OR ADULT, is to count to 10, or 100, or whatever it takes. 15. Once a day, have your child stand in front of a mirror, smile and give her/himself a BIG HUG and say "I love you. You are a good person." This is a good idea for a quick pick-me-upper for you, too. 16. Have your child write a name poem and then post it where it can be seen often. A name poem starts with "I am" and then under it go his/her name, one letter per line and finishing with the last name. For example for David Creech it would look like: I am D - ashing A - ble V - ictorious I - ntelligent D - ellightful Creech The first letter is used to make a positive description of the child. You now have 16 techniques you can use to build a strong, positive self-esteem in your child. Use the techniques that work best for you. Not all techniques are appropriate for all age groups. Trial and error will be your easiest way to find the ones that work the best. Godspeed--(prosperous journey)-- grneyedscotsman 8)
  14. Self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves. It includes such things as our self-confidence, self-respect, pride in ourselves, and self-reliance. All the ways we feel about ourselves and our abilities wrapped up in the term "self-esteem". In general, the more positive your self-esteem, the more successful you will be at dealing with life. The same holds true for your children. The more positive their self-esteem, the more confident and proud they will be. They will try harder, be happier and have greater self-respect. They will make friends easier and will be more giving. Children with positive self-esteem are more secure and loving than children with negative self-esteem. Negative self-esteem is related to low self-confidence, insecurity, underachievement, anxiety, depression, acting-out behavior, sleep problems and being a loner. As a perent or a teacher, you have a great influence over the self-esteem of your child. For the first 4 or 5 years, parents are the most important contributor. When children start school, teachers and friends become important. Once they reach adolescents, peer groups begin playing a greater role in steering your child's self-esteem. The more positive their self-esteem was before adolescents, the easier it will be for them to resist negative peer group pressures. Here are some things you can do to build your childs self-esteem: 1. In general, the more positive the parents self-esteem, the more positive the child's will be. Be a good role model. Start by building your own self-esteem. 2. Honest praise is the quickest way to build a person's self-esteem. Find some way to praise your child every day. Make sure the praise is realistic and honest. When possible, praise your child for trying to do something even if he/or she was not successful. If need be, give your child a task you know can be completed just so you can give praise. As your child's self-esteem grows more positive, this process will become easier and more natural. 3. Focus on the positive aspects of your child's behavior. Even if you don't like some of the behavior, find something positive to focus on. 4. Put a picture of your child with family members next to your child's bed. This is a subtle reminder to your child that he/she has family support and they are not alone in the world. Yes, many children really do feel that way. 5. Communicate with your child. That means listening to how your child feels without making judgments about those feelings. Try to find out why they feel the way they do. Once you know why, you may be able to offer a different interpretation so the child's feelings can change. Regardless, do not judge the feelings. They are just there. How your child reacts to those feelings are important because behavior has consequences. If you listen and understand, you are better able to suggest behaviors that will have positive consequences rather than negative ones. 6. Keep criticism to a minimum. Criticism does not produce positive behavior. Praise does. 7. Show your child there is a way they can control their feelings. When your child is feeling bad, play this game with him/her. Close eyes and remember something from the past that was fun and imagine or visualize that it was still going on. After 2 or 3 minutes, your child will begin to feel better. Explain to your child that this is something they can do anytime they feel bad because they are in control of how they feel. 8. **TEACH YOUR CHILD TO SET GOALS**(Very Important) Teach your child to set goals, follwing through and completing the projects. The projects can be small and short in the beginning and then get more involved. This builds self-confidence and self-esteem and shows children they have some control in their life. Make sure the project is age appropriate and not too complicated for your child's level of development. Remember, the purpose is to allow your child to experience and express success. Give praise often during the project as well as on completion. grneyedscotsman
  15. Sitting Positions: Seated, mouth to mouth, arms against arms, thighs against thighs: this is "Kaurma" (The Tortoise). If the lovers' thighs, still joined are raised, it is "Paravartita" (Turning). == If within the cave of her thighs you sit rotating your hips like a black bee, it is "Markata" (The Monkey). And if, in this position, you turn away from her, it is "Marditaka" (Crushing Spices). == She sits with raised thighs, her feet placed either side of your waist; "linga" (penis) enters "yoni" (vagina); you strike with slight stinging to her body: this is "Kshungaga" (Striking). ==== When she sits with both knees drawn to her body and you mirror this posture, it is known to experts in the art of love as "Yugmapada" (The Foot Yoke). ==== Seated erect, the lovely lady folds one leg to her body and stretches the other along the bed, while you mirror her actions: this is "Yugmapada" (The Feet Yoke). ==== If, with left leg extended, she encircles your waist with her right leg, laying its ankle accross her left thigh, and you do the same, it is "Svastika" (The Swastika)** **An ancient good-luck talisman based on sybolism of a cross whirling sun-wise. The Nazis used it the wrong way round, whirling widdershins, and the Indian pundits always said this was sacrilegious and would doom them. ========== Sitting face to face in bed, her breasts pressed tight against your chest, let each of you lock heels behind the other's waist, and lean back clasping one another's wrists. Now, set the swing gently into motion, your beloved, in pretended fear, clinging to your body with her flawless limbs, cooing and moaning with pleasure: this is "Dolita" (The Swing). -------------- If, seated face to face, your toes caress the lovely lady's nipples, her feet press your chest and you make love holding each others hands is"Kaurma" (The Tortoise). -------------- If, sitting facing her, you grasp her ankles and fasten them like a chain behind your neck, and she grips her toes as you make love, it is the delightful "Padma" (The Lotus). =====ENJOY!=====ENJOY=====ENJOY=====ENJOY=====ENJOY== Green Eyed Scotsman (grneyedscotsman) 8) Luv Dr. David A. Creech
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