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mines

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  • Birthday July 3

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  1. You're doing great on your new lifestyle journey :) so happy for you. It's so difficult to make lifestyle changes, even though it's "one day at a time" it's still hard! Especially during this holiday season when temptations seem to be on every corner. Happy to hear about your progress!!! You rock!!!
  2. 96 degrees and full sun! Went for a run and thought I'd die before I got home - ugh. I need to live somewhere that isn't -30 in the winter and isn't nearly 100 in the summer! Lol!
  3. Hi - just wanted to say I'm glad you came back for updates! It is nice getting caught up on all the changes. Congrats on your half marathon!
  4. It's been quite awhile since I posted in this thread. We evolved through break-up, to hook-up, to a semi-dating thing to a beautiful friendship......you have really 'been there' for me at times, but other times, like tonight when you 'wanted' to be let in to my close family circle.......holy ground for me.....then you blow me off.....wow. You offered to come by and 'help clean up". Right. They were leaving. . . it was five hours after start time for the party. . . .It was a chance to meet my family and you were the one who asked ME if you could come. And you choked. Hmmm the lesson here is, you really don't care about me (and never have) *please note* this rant is about mySELF and not the ex.....I need to be more careful.
  5. Three months less than the 2 year mark. . . and finally, I feel fine. I don't need you anymore. I still care for you, we're still friends. But I set really firm boundaries with you, and frankly, if you keep screwing up like this, you're going to end up without my friendship and loyalty one day. A pity, because you have a really good friend in me, you just can't seem to appreciate that, or understand the true worth. I'm very grateful I'm free of the hold you had on my heart, my soul. I do not think I'll open my heart again, some might consider that a sad thing, but not me. It's a freeing feeling......I can love whom I choose, but my heart is mine now.....it belongs to no one. Makes me feel strong. I do want you to be happy K. Just not at my expense. xx
  6. Oh god....I can't find anywhere else to go with my feelings. I've no real friends. I can come here and rant on you....it's the "post here instead of contact your ex" thread, after all. I just feel very pathetic and alone. No friends (hey I have a few friends but I don't like them....we've grown apart. I have a few ex's as friends....I love them but I can't be so honest with them....) I really have feelings for YOU. You know who you are (or you don't.....really I don't care) Even if you knew, you would not care about me. Life isn't good for me. I'm trying to make my way through but I feel as if I'm screaming and no one hears me. I'm so sure I don't matter to anyone in this life. If I could disappear, everyone that knows me would be happier. I'm thankful for enotalone that I can say this here.
  7. Haven't heard a peep from you since Friday, do you remember, Friday afternoon, alone and bored in your office? You were looking at your personal-porn stash of pics of me, (very hot pics, granted) and called me, knowing I was alone at my desk. You wanted me to talk dirty so you could get off, before you left for the weekend. As always, it worked very well. And....nothing from you all weekend. I already know....I should cut you.... completely cut you from my life. I deserve better, I do. I'm hot, I'm sexy, I have a high sex drive, I'm attractive, I have a great body. I'm well read, intelligent, articulate. . . . . I'm fun, low maintenance and down to earth. Why am I hung up on you? Seriously, * * * do I see in you? Really? Hmmm you hadn't done half the things in bed, that you wanted, until you were with me. SMH, you've got great potential, but you totally don't deserve me. I need to move on. I can do better than you.
  8. Oh my god. Seriously. You wanted to come over tomorrow. Sure, we're on the same page, as to why. And we are both cool with that. But one comment that I make, while flirting with you, and you turned it into a 13 email EPIC.....what are you thinking? Nothing has changed, it was meant to be an ego boost to you. Seriously? I was trying to make you feel good about yourself, because you admit to me, that you don't see what any woman sees in you. Jesus. What a piece of work. I'm a 48 year old woman, not some GD 20 yr old girl that needs drama, or hand holding. Clearly, you're not mature or secure enough to handle me. You are on, you're off. Take a year away, then you're back again, telling me you 'd never stopped wanting me. I spent all day answering your questions on email, trying to assure you I don't want drama, I'm not mad at anyone especially not you (since I want to get you in bed) and....I was joking in my comment. Are you delusional? I know you don't use drugs, but seriously.......is your seeming insecurity a front for self-grandiosity? I am done with you. F off. You're worth about 20 minutes and that's it. Get over yourself.
  9. Well, after my last post here. . . .ironically you 'came back' which meant you were h*orny. That lasted according to your whims but then you Ysuddenly went radio - silence again ( no surprise there) you were in my face all last Sunday and Monday, and Monday afternoon, well . .. you remember what happened. Since then, it's been business only and your own personal sh*t like I"m your nursemaid or your personal bartender. ... .really? The last 24 hours I've had a reality check. Maybe it was in the long workout today....I had this realization that I don't need you That I can do better than someone who only uses me for their gratification. Who is ramped up by my body and what I can do for you in bed.....really? Sure, you are ramped up by that, I'm the best. But......you are not the man for me. I can do better than you. I'm getting really done with you. I think it is time for you to go back to your bucolic life, such as it is. I really need to move forward with my life, without you. It's not like I 'have' you anyway, right? What is an hour, or 2 or 3, on a random never planned occasion? Really? I'm to base my life around that? * * * are you thinking? Go have yourself a great life. You're a good lay, but you're not worth my giving up my life for.
  10. So, why are you talking to me throughout the day at work, really? You don't have to. Working in different buildings, we could keep our contact to a minimum, and strictly to email. You're sending me mixed messages. Like the personal emails yesterday in the afternoon, REALLY personal....... and then today it's just work. And some odd non-work things thrown in there so basically we were chatting for hours. W-T-F? Really? I don't understand you at all. A few days ago it was "I can't talk to you that much, we don't have a normal friendship". Back to full blown sexual emails, then, back again to mostly work. What are you doing with me? You do know how I feel about you. Why toy with me, what do you get from it? I vacillate from being a caring friend to hating you! You know I want you so why can't you make a clean break? Are you done or not? Grow a set and tell me the truth, so I'll know what to do. Wait, maybe I'm the one who needs to grow a set!
  11. You finally spelled it out. You wanted to just do ''The Fade''. In the past, I would have let you (or anyone....). But I called you on it. I directly asked about your changes in contact, the distance. You gave me your usual non-answers and excuses. But I trusted my gut, I knew you were lying about that. Your last response, and you said you weren't annoyed before, but you're 'starting to be annoyed''. Well, big friggin deal. . . . I'm annoyed at YOU. "We can't have a normal friendship". W-T-F? You're fine with exchanging body fluids with me, and hmmm last time I checked you had HUNDREDS of 'personal p*rn in your folder, that you asked me for. . you were always fine with that. Last year when you did this abrupt change-up......(like really, did you think I'd forgotten? I only wish I had thought about that when you wanted to talk to me again) You admit you never deleted any of those photographs. I doubt you will delete any of these now either. Eventually I know I will move past you and won't think of you again. The sooner the better. I can't wait.
  12. Again, nothing in my in-box. I'm not surprised, but still, I had to check. Ack, I hate that about myself. You're going blithely about your day, I'm sure you don't miss being in touch with me, whatsoever. I should really hate you, because you're really an inconsiderate jerk, deciding to cut contact out of the blue, for your supposed 'reasons' (you know what they are). If I could hate you, this would be so much easier. What makes things worse also, is the fact that this is the SECOND time you've done this to me. I have to say that this is where I messed up, letting you do it to me again. It didn't get so far last time, yet it took a long while for me to get over you, and when I finally did, I really thought it was for good. Despite working with you I didn't miss talking to you at all, I avoided calling you but when I had to, it was all business, and I kept contact as brief as possible. The few times you had to be in my building, I truly hated seeing you, resented you for coming in through my area, it would have been SO easy for you to avoid me, using the other entrance. I should have realized, what you later told me as true, that you'd never stopped wanting me, and you actually thought I ENJOYED seeing you. What a dope. Couldn't you see that I was angry at you for the way you'd treated me? Months later, out of the middle of nowhere, you just start talking to me on work IM. Within an hour you had emailed me, I've saved every one since. Thousands of them, daily contact, and you know the rest of that story. But the pattern here, do you see it? You decide on a whim what you want to say to me and when you say it, never mind that I'd moved on and was happy, and that us talking wasn't going to be good for either of us, but you did it and I let you do it. I'm an idiot for letting you have this power over me. I am fully to blame, for letting the wrong people into my life. Now here I go again, having to start ALL OVER again getting over you. I hate you, and I like you so much. I miss you, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a jerk!! You're a jerk and I'm stupid. What a pair! Screw you.
  13. I'm an idiot. Took me a full YEAR to get over the guy that dumped me (and led me to this site). A year. A year of crying everyday. And what do I do, when I'm healed? Start f.....g you, knowing it can go nowhere, quite sure I wouldn't fall for you. And look. I did. So here I am again. You're trying to talk to me like we are only friends and nothing happened between us. You did this after each time we were 'together'. I just feel so humiliated and stupid. And an idiot for still wanting you. I just want all my feelings for you to go away. It's so hard going from daily contact and all day at work, to a few chats here and there about absolutely nothing, and no contact outside of work, just all of a sudden. Daylight/dark. Really? What is your problem?? I'm an idiot for even caring about you. I hope I can move past you, fast.
  14. Technically, you're not my 'ex'. . . . we were FWB really. I know it's always been difficult for you to separate the sex from our friendship.....so since you 'need' to no longer indulge in the sexual part of 'us', you also have to cut the friendship. We've gone through this before. Why did I acknowledge you when you started speaking to me out of the blue, in September, after limited to no contact, for months. I finally had moved past you. But I was an idiot, allowed you back into my life, and things got hot and heavy without a gap, until a few hours ago. Very hot and heavy with our little conversation last night.. . . . and I wake up this morning to a text from you, that we need to 'cool it with the emails for a bit'. Wth does that mean, exactly? I did email you back, asking you for some sort of explanation. You seemed content enough about 9:30 last night with your ''happy ending'' via email/text encounter. What changed from 9:30 last night until 7:30 this morning? You can't explain, you have to leave a one-sided text? Really? I'm not sure if you'll reply to my short email asking for an explanation. I am signed out of my email because I'm really upset and sad and confused. I will eventually check. If that's what you want, to not talk to me again, then fine. Obviously I don't want it like this. I know you like me and are attracted to me and I know because of certain things we can't have a relationship. I was fine with the parameters of what we 'were'. Clearly I am easily forgettable, easy to leave behind, easy to ignore, easy to be banished to some corner of regret in your mind. P.S. thanks for ruining what had started out being a good weekend. You could have waited and talked to me at work tomorrow; we could have actually had a conversation about it, rather than your just deciding the fate of everyone like some cruel little dictator.
  15. Things are not going well lately, not with me, not regarding you. Today it hit me that you've never really thought of me as important, I've never, not once, mattered to you. We never had a real 'relationship'. I was (am....) convenient for you, that's all. Trustworthy, faithful, consistent, honest, and convenient. (God that sounds boring) If I wasn't so 'boring' (stable? sane??) and if I were beautiful, instead of so ordinary, then maybe I'd be 'worthy' of your love. As it stands now, I am lucky to get a 5 minute talk with you, and then, I have to wonder if you do it out of some sort of misguided obligation, or perhaps some guilt because you know I cannot forget you, cannot move past you. Or maybe it's amusing, or pathetic even......
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