avoidatallcost

Ah yes one more important thing that I remember about the questions I asked her. She told me that she had been going out on dates after our break up because she was sad and lonely and just wanted to get out of the condo. She said that when I told her I was dating other people, at that moment she thought I had moved on so she decided she would do the same. I told her that the only reason I told her that I was dating other people was because she had told me first that she had been on dates. In my thinking at the time, I thought that telling her I was going out on dates might cause her to become jealous and want to fight for me or want to come back to me. But it seems to have had the opposite of my intended result: instead of making her want to come back to me, it only made her think i had moved on and that she should do the same too. I got angry when she told me this, and told her she can't blame me for having sex with other men and that she had already made up her mind to leave me that morning she dumped me. I also asked her why she didn't once give in and let me see her (until four months in) and why she could be so cruel. She told me she thought I didn't love her and she felt she needed to move on. And those were pretty much her only reasons. My story and her reasons and thinking process are unique to our situation. It's based on our unique relationship dynamic as well as the unique traits that me and my gf brought to the table. I'm not saying all dumpers think and react the way my ex did, but it was interesting to get an inside view of the thought process and reactions from a dumper's point of view.

Ok here is my story of reconciliation, it might be a long one. I will be very detailed, so maybe some of you reading this can maybe learn from my mistakes. I have been with my current semi -girlfriend for going on three years now, and at one point we had been broken up for four months. Me and my gf had been going out for about a year and a half when she broke up with me. In our first year and a half together, we had had a few bad arguments but nothing that I considered too bad. She had been pressuring me for marriage, and I had been putting it off. I felt that me and her had communication problems we hadn't overcome, in that she had trouble talking to me about what was on her mind. I felt as if we couldn't resolve our problems because she couldn't talk them out. She would just shut down when I brought up issues, and this would make me upset leading her to shut down even more. It was a cycle. Anyways, for the last four month before the break up I did what I could to avoid arguments. Things were ok, or so I thought. She would start to avoid me here and there, but I thought it was because she might be busy as she was working and in school, plus she had a roommate that she lived with so this would make seeing each other all the time not very easy. One day, after a nice weekend together, I had bought her a nice pair of shoes. For some reason, maybe because they were a size too large for her, she assumed I had bought them for someone else and given them to her instead. She broke up with me the next morning. I was devastated. I made the classic mistakes of begging her to make it work. The more I begged, the more adamant she became about the breakup. I told her please reconsider, you're just doing this because you're upset. I told her she was on her period and that she's just being overly emotional at this time. The more I plead, the more resolved she was to break up with me. It's like the weaker I got, the stronger she became. It was the craziest thing I had ever seen in my life. My beautiful submissive easygoing loving girlfriend who would do anything for me became the most evil, vicious, unfeeling monster. She told me she loved me but couldn't be with me. To never contact her again. And if I did, she'd call the police. She told me not to try showing up at her place to win her back, and that if I did, she'd call the police. Now I know from dating women my entire life that sometimes they say things they don't mean, but when a woman tells you not to contact her or she will call the police you don't want to take any chances. So for two weeks, I didn't contact her. I thought she needed to cool down. I waited for the dust to settle. And let me tell you, those two weeks were two of the hardest weeks in my entire life. I spent every waking moment thinking about her. From the time I woke up, to the time I went to sleep. Even in my dreams I had nightmares about her and what I was going through. There was no relief no matter what I tried. I threw myself into my work. Went to the gym for hours. Nothing worked. I was devastated. I literally had problems breathing at times I was so heartbroken. I was so depressed, there were days I didn't even want to get out of bed. Thoughts of who she might be dating or having sex with made me delirious with jealousy, fear and anger. After two weeks I messaged her. She hadn't changed her mind. She was clear: we were done. However, she had told me that from now on we could text each other. So this gave me hope. So I would message her once in a while. I'd ask her to meet up, and she'd refuse. Then she'd tell me she started going on dates with other guys. Once again I was devastated. How could she move on so fast? The worst moment of my life happened when I started a tinder account to try to force myself to date and there it came up as I was swiping: her tinder profile. I was shocked beyond belief. Luckily at that time I had a friend I could call up any time of day or night and she was able to calm me down. Otherwise I would have called her right then and there in the middle of the night. So I got angry. During one of our text exchanges, I told her well ok then I am starting to go on dates too. She was hurt, but didn't seem devastated like I was. She wanted to remain friends. I told her I was not going to let her use me as a friend while she took her time to comfortably get over me and start dating other men. She got angry at me, can you believe that? She was saying that i had promised to always be there for her. I couldn't believe her nerve. One weekend, she went away for a trip. She called me, and told me about the problems she was having with some of the friends she was on the trip with. I told her look I'm sorry you're having problems with your friends but I was clear: I have no intention of being friends with you. If you want to get back together fine but I am not going to let you use me as a crutch so you can get over me and move on to other relationships. She said fine. That was the last time we spoke for a while. There were times I'd message her, and she'd write back very cold responses such as "i wish no further communication with you." I was devastated yet again, for like the 20th time in like 3 months. Then a few weeks later, as I was starting to move on and finally get over her, a friend of mine called me saying he had seen her walking around with a new guy. I know I shouldn't have, but all the pent up feelings and emotions got to me and I caved in and messaged her. I told her hey my friend says you found a new boyfriend, that was fast! Well best of luck to the two of you! Well she denied it. She denied it was her. I was like, ya right. But then I remember I had left a pair of shorts at her place and can I come to pick them up. She said yes, but she will leave them downstairs. I told her, look it would be nice to see you. Let's meet up, just for a few minutes. She was reluctant. She said she wouldn't be able to handle it. But I talked my way into having her agree to meet with me. So we met, and all the emotions came back. As we sat, we were still very clearly attracted to each other. I made my move, we kissed for a bit, and before you knew it we were heading upstairs to her condo to spend the night together. We have been kind of together since. So she dumped me in late June, and by early September we got back together again. It is now January and we have been through some ups and downs since we got back together. For one, she told me she ended up having sex with some guy. But that it only happened twice with him. I flipped. I'm still angry about it, that she would work so hard on meeting and having sex with new men rather than on trying to make it work with me, a guy who so clearly cared for her. In response to that, i told her I could never be loyal to her again as there is no point in me being loyal to her if she can just dump me and seek to have sex with other men whenever she feels like it. I will give you some of her thoughts based on questions I asked her after we got back together. It might shed some light on the thoughts going on in some of the dumpers out there. She told me she had been mentally preparing herself to break up with me for months before the actual breakup. That the incident that provoked the breakup was minor, but it was the spark that went off only after many other bigger incidents. She told me when she broke up with me her mind was made up. And that she was going to be strong in not giving in. She said her counselor had helped her come up with tactics and strategies to break up with me. That they had practiced what she would say with a teddy bear in the counselor's office. Even the text she sent me "i wish no further communication" was scripted and planned. I felt really betrayed, because all those months when I was trying to avoid arguments and doing my best to treat her well and make things work - she was conspiring and conniving to leave me. She told me she slept with the guy because she was lonely and sad. She still denied being with the guy my friend says he saw her with. She says she missed me a lot, but that she didn't think we had a future and that she didn't think I cared about her. I asked her was there anything i could have said to bring her back to me? She said she was expecting me to say that everything would be ok that I loved her and and that I will be there to protect her and guide her along the path. For what it's worth, this is what she told me and this is what I learned.