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How Can I Recover From Heartbreak?

Matthew Frank


Dear eNotAlone: I'm a 33-year-old man who has gone through more than one break-up, but this one feels different. My ex's decision to end our relationship has left me feeling devastated. She said she no longer feels the same way about me as she used to and doesn't know why. I tried to talk to her about defining the problem but she insists there is no problem, making conversations impossible.

Booze becomes my crutch; I'm using it to try and dull the pain, but deep down I'm miserable and can't stop feeling sad. I miss the times we had together but I can't seem to move past the idea that I will never get them back. Will I ever be able to recover from this heartbreak and find happiness again?

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Are you struggling to cope with a recent break-up? It's normal to feel devastated when someone you care deeply about decides to end the relationship. Seeking comfort in alcohol or other unhealthy behaviors won't make your problems go away, so what steps can you take to begin the difficult process of healing your broken heart?

First and foremost, know that the pain will not last forever. As long as you are taking care of yourself and seeking the necessary help, you can learn to overcome these feelings. It takes time, of course. You need to give yourself license to work through the grief and sadness without feeling guilty or trying to mask it.

Acknowledge the painful emotions and rather than pushing them away, focus on the positive aspects of your life. When you're feeling lost, remember that everything passes and you have the strength to move forward. Talk to a trusted friend about how you're feeling, reach out and make connections, and remember that there are people who love and support you and can help you get through this difficult period.

Accept that the situation is out of your control. Getting anxious or angry will do nothing to change it. Instead, focus on developing healthier patterns of thought. Don't try to put pressure on yourself to ‘get over' the break-up quickly or recover faster than you would naturally do. Everyone works through pain differently, and the timeline for coming to terms with recent changes is different for everyone.

And don't be afraid to reach out for help. Talking to a trained therapist or counselor can be hugely beneficial. A professional can help you work through your feelings and fears, clarify your goals and values, and develop healthier ways of Processing failure and disappointment.

No one can promise that you'll never experience heartbreak. While we can't control another person's feelings, we can control our own. With effort and attention, you will eventually come to terms with your break-up, feel happier, and handle difficult emotions more effectively in the future.


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