Dear eNotAlone: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four years. This is the second time I ended a relationship and it's more than twice as hard as the first time. The last time, I was sure I made the right decision, but this time, I'm having so many doubts. I feel like I'm really missing out on something - I mean, we had been together for a long time and he was always so attentive and caring. But something wasn't quite right between us and I know getting away from him is the best thing to do.

Despite that, I can't help but feel guilty and wonder if I've made a mistake. All of my friends seem convinced that I'm better off without him and keep giving me the same advice: "Move on, there are plenty of other fish in the sea." But I just don't feel ready to jump into a new relationship yet.

I'm trying to stay positive, but I keep looking for signs that I did the wrong thing and I don't how to make peace with it. How do I stop feeling so confused and uncertain about my breakup?

* * *

Breaking up with someone you care about, especially after being together for so long, can be incredibly difficult and confusing. It's only natural to have second thoughts, regret, and anxiety afterwards. While it's important to accept and move forward in life, it's essential to not rush through the process. You might be tempted to jump into another relationship or suppress your feelings, but it's okay to take the time to heal.

When going through a breakup, it's important to listen to your own inner voice. Trust yourself and accept that the situation isn't in your control. You may have had doubts, but it's likely that you ended the relationship for a valid reason. Though it's easy to focus on the things you miss about your ex-partner, remember that it's not a good idea to romanticize the past. Instead, use this experience as an opportunity to reflect on what worked and didn't work in the past and recognize that the relationship needed to come to an end.

It can also be helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Going over your thoughts without any distractions can help to clear your head and provide insight into why the breakup happened. Writing can also be a great way to express yourself and process intense emotions. talking to friends and family can also provide support and help you better understand your feelings.

Remember that any relationship takes two people, so it's not just your fault things didn't work out. It's important to not become overwhelmed by the guilt and focus on the present. Allow yourself room to grow and start embracing new experiences. Having fun and meeting new people can do wonders for boosting your self-esteem, helping you see your worth, and teaching you new skills.

Practice self-care and be patient with yourself. Spend time doing relaxing activities such as yoga, going to the spa, or painting. Avoid areas that remind you of your ex-partner and try to look ahead to the future and all the possibilities it holds. By taking care of yourself and giving yourself time, eventually you will be able to answer any lingering questions about your breakup.