Dear eNotAlone: I've been dating my girlfriend for two years and lately I've been feeling like there's something missing from our relationship. We used to be so connected and I would feel like I could truly open up to her and be vulnerable. Now, when I try to talk about stuff I'm feeling or something that's bothering me, she either gets defensive or dismisses it without really listening. And if I'm honest with her, she gets so angry and reacts by basically just shutting me out. I know she just wants to feel loved, but it's been so hard trying to show her that when she won't take the time to listen to what I have to say. It's like it's a one-way street - she is always validating her feelings and never making sure mine are heard. What do I do? How can I help get us back on track and make sure she understands how I feel too?

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No matter how long a couple has been together, it is never too late to start communicating in a better and more productive way. Being able to express yourself to your partner and make sure they understand where you're coming from is a fundamental part of any relationship. It sounds like you have been trying to figure this out for a while now, so we'll get right into some steps that you can take to repair and strengthen your connection with your girlfriend.

The first step is to remove anyJudgment or blame from the equation. Your girlfriend likely resists your vulnerability because she feels attacked or judged. Coming to her with anger or expecting her to feel guilty will only continue the cycle of resentment. Instead, approach your conversations with kindness. Try to use "I-statements" and frame your ideas respectfully. This may require some practice, but it will prove invaluable in helping you effectively articulate your feelings and move forward.

Second, make an effort to really listen to your partner. Rather than talking to her just to be heard, reserve some conversation time for inquiry. Ask her questions and actually pay attention to her answers. Establishing eye contact when you talk will also make her feel seen and understood. When it's your turn to share, don't be afraid to really dive into your feelings and ask for help. She will be more likely to empathize with you if she senses your raw emotions.

Third, it's important to remember that communication is a two-way street. When it is her turn to talk, don't be in a hurry to make your point. Give her time to get her thoughts out and validate her perspective. Acknowledge her feelings and remind her that yours are just as important. This way, she will feel more secure knowing that you aren't just focused on getting your point across.

Finding ways to reconnect on a primal level is key. Relationships need passion and intimacy. Spend some quality time together and set aside distractions. Whether it's doing a small activity or taking a weekend getaway, doing something special for just the two of you can further strengthen your bond.

The goal shouldn't be to try to fix everything all in one conversation. Like anything worthwhile, having a successful relationship takes time, effort, and energy. But with patience and a willingness to work through the challenges that come up, you can create a meaningful, lasting connection with your girlfriend.