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Men - Emotional Absence

Excerpted from If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men By Alon Gratch, Ph.D. "Perhaps things are changing," I was thinking, as the third consecutive male "customer" walked into the office. Contrary to what the subject matter of this book may suggest, I generally do not divide the world into men and women. But subconsciously, I must have still expected women, not men, to come see me in the plush but sterile, up-in-the-sky Wall Street office which was mine

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The Race Myth - A Brief History of Racism

Excerpted from The Race Myth: Why We Pretend Race Exists in America By Joseph L. Graves Jr., Ph.D. Nineteenth-century naturalists believed that race or biological features determined a person's position in society. They saw these positions as natural, the result of special creation, fixed and unchanging. These ideas were not new or original. We know that this idea goes back as far as the Greek philosopher Plato (c. 428-347 B.C.). Plato created the concept of the natural

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Building Your Confidence Muscle

Excerpted from Change Your Life in 30 Days; A Journey to Finding Your True Self By Rhonda Britten Take a few moments to answer the questions and fill in the blanks. There are no wrong answers. Write down the first thought that comes to your mind. Self-confidence is the result of taking risks. Once you have successfully taken risks, you have learned through your experiences that you can count on yourself. Your belief that you can accomplish somet

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Misperceptions

Excerpted from Symbols And Deception, And The Social Murder of Identity By Vahik Ovanessian, Ph.D. Nothing is more amazing than a dream. The ornate intimations of a dream are as inscrutable as they are self-revealing. They are unfathomable because the images in our dreams represent something other than the images themselves. We encounter a snake in a dream, but that may be an expression of our fear of elusively dangerous situations surrounding us in real life. We may fl

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Standup Guy; Manhood After Feminism

Excerpted from Standup Guy; Manhood After Feminism By Michael Segell Are relations between young men and women really more distant and hostile than those of previous generations? The sexual insecurity of young men-along with their anxiety about ever being able to demonstrate their value to the world-is hardly new. Exploring this psychic terrain with groups of young men, I recognized a familiar, though thankfully ancient, dread. When I was their age-younger, actually-I w

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Women's Words: Educators in the Information Age

Excerpted from The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World By Helen Fisher, Ph.D. Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue." So spoke Hamlet to his actors, encouraging them to speak smoothly, appropriately, and eloquently. Women can be clever, broad-minded, intuitive, and many other things. But of all of women's gifts, their most outstanding, I think, is the talent that Shakespeare cherished-a

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The Petal and the Rock: Meena

Excerpted from Veiled Courage; Inside the Afghan Women's Resistance By Cheryl Benard, Ph.D. The story of Meena, the legendary founder of the Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan, begins in the early 1970s. On university campuses the world over, turmoil was rife. The world's youth was filled with energy, idealism and the determination to make the world a better, fairer place. They formed groups, movements and organizations; they distributed leaflets, cha

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Initiation: The First Wound

Excerpted from From Chivalry to Terrorism; War and the Changing Nature of Masculinity By Leo Braudy, Ph.D. Physiological and biochemical factors are therefore only the beginning of trying to define maleness, let alone masculinity. The physical body exists in a social context that shapes how it is perceived by both the person who possesses it and everyone else who experiences it. Much of the early social perception of what traits constitute a man is mediated by cultural

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The Healing Qualities of Mindfulness

Excerpted from Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the Heart By Tara Bennett-Goleman The phrase "tea mind" refers to the Zen-like qualities of awareness inspired by the Japanese art of tea-harmony and simplicity, a mind alert but at rest, clear attention to the moment. During the tea ceremony, attention focuses on the present, as we savor the subtle details of the occasion: the taste of the tea, the aroma of the incense, the sound of the whisk as the host mixes the

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Will You Marry Me? Commitment (for Better or for Worse)

Excerpted from Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget By Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP I have always loved men. I like the way they feel, taste, smell-and most of all, the way they think. Medical school was a vast garden of camaraderie and friendliness, where men of all sizes and shapes taught and mentored me and my (mostly male) fellow students. We were partners in a privileged fraternity, where intellectual achievement was the coin of the realm, and we built fri

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Playing Fields of the Mind

Excerpted from Exuberance; The Passion for Life By Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D. For most mammals, including ourselves, early exploration of the world is enhanced, indeed often made possible, through the exuberant play of youth. Such play, it has been said, is the business of childhood, but play is more than that: it is a deadly serious business. Much learning must get done in not much time, for youth is, indeed, a stuff which will not endure. The time is short when a you

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Emotional Flow

Excerpted from Setting Your Heart on Fire; Seven Invitations to Liberate Your Life By Raphael Cushnir Once you've identified emotions in your body, and brought sustained attention to them, one further step is required. You need to greet them with real willingness. This means creating as much openness for your emotions as you're currently able. Earlier, we used the metaphor of rain to understand the varying degrees of openness. Now, to help expl

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What Is No Opportunity Wasted?

Excerpted from No Opportunity Wasted; Creating a List for Life By Phil Keoghan, Warren Berger I began compiling that list of 'things to do before I die' the same day that I was rescued. The first version of the list was written on the back of a brown paper lunch bag, in pencil, with words scribbled in and crossed out - the handwriting of someone in a hurry to start living. I don't have that original list anymore, but I remember what was on it, and I particularly recall

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The Changing View of Normal Female Sexuality

Excerpted from Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido By Sandra Pertot, Ph.D "I never feel like [having] sex," says Julia. "What's wrong with me? When I know Tom wants sex, I usually feel that I just can't be bothered. He's upset because I always seem to be saying no, and I never come on to him." There is nothing obvious to distinguish Julia from other women. She could be a businesswoman or a housewife, twenty-something or in her

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The Circle of Compassion

Excerpted from Field Notes on the Compassionate Life; A Search for the Soul of Kindness By Marc Ian Barasch When I was in my twenties, my Buddhist teacher tricked me into taking a vow of universal compassion. Using some spiritual sleight-of-hand I've yet to unravel, he made it seem I could aspire to a tender concern for everybody, even putting their welfare before my own. Fat chance, I'd thought. But in his wily way, he had framed this vow - the

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The Perfectionist

Excerpted from Between Trapezes; Flying Into a New Life with the Greatest of Ease By Gail Blanke I gave a luncheon speech not long ago in Philadelphia, and after the question-and-answer period, a striking-looking young woman with ash blond hair and a fierce, piercing intelligence in her eyes came up to me as I was standing at the podium. She didn't say anything but slipped me a note with her card, then rushed away. The note said, "Gail, I need you to make me a more powe

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Feminism - There She Goes Again

Excerpted from Bitch; In Praise of Difficult Women By Elizabeth Wurtzel The calm before the storm: most of us understand this reference to the peaceful, dark gray of the sky in the moments preceding thunder crack and lightning bolt and a cloudburst of torrents of rain as meteorology's metaphor for the way that when things seem the most stable and contained, it is often just a decoy for disaster, a respite nature grants as a cruel joke before a big huge mess, before the

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Advice for the Uncommon Woman

Excerpted from The Secret of Life : Commonsense Advice for the Uncommon Woman By Elizabeth Wurtzel Have Opinions It's not a bad idea to be in-the-know and thoroughly opinionated about events occurring beyond your love life and immediate clique of friends. For one thing, it will give your mind something better to do than just be mad at ex-boyfriends and looking for a new one. But besides that, a woman who understands international-or even nation

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A Basic Method for Controlling Worry

Excerpted from Worry By Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. First, it helps to understand what I call the basic equation of worry. This is a good way to conceptualize where toxic worry comes from: Heightened Vulnerability + Lack of Control = Toxic Worry The more vulnerable you feel (regardless of how vulnerable you actually are) and the less control you feel you have (regardless of how much control you actually have), the more tox

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Three Kinds of Comparisons

Excerpted from If Only; How to Turn Regret Into Opportunity By Neal Roese, Ph.D. As we have seen, the counterfactual comparison is one way that we place things in context. Of course, we compare things all the time-an expensive jacket to a cheap jacket, an apple pie to a chocolate cheesecake, even our mother to our father. We can compare things along any number of features-how good they look, how fattening they are, how much love they showed us. But regardless of how man

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Business - The Lovecat Way

Excerpted from Love Is the Killer App: How to Win Business and Influence Friends By Tim Sanders Knowledge, network, compassion: These are the intangibles you share with those you have chosen as your partners. These are the values that can drive your career to the top or over the top-they'll take you wherever you want to go. They certainly have taken me where I wanted to go, because, as I'll explain, Show you the love is exactly what I do as a business lovecat. &#

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Unlikeability Doesn't Work

Excerpted from The Likeability Factor : How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams By Tim Sanders People with a negative reputation have few successful relationships. Think of the characters on the hit 1990s sitcom Seinfeld. Low L-factors kept all of them single for the show's entire run. George Costanza was neurotic beyond comprehension. He wore away at you until your teeth itched. Jerry Seinfeld was a perfectionist without sympathy for anyone else's fla

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The Power of Acceptance

Excerpted from The Power of Patience: How to Slow the Rush and Enjoy More Happiness, Success, and Peace of Mind Every Day By Mary Jane Ryan Patience also gives us the ability to put up graciously with obstacles in our path, to respond to life's challenges with courage, strength, and optimism. A business failure, disappointments in love, a serious disability, money woes-these are just a few of the trials that we might be faced with over the course of a lifetime. Being pa

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The Gift of Fear

Excerpted from The Gift of Fear By Gavin de Becker As I write this, it has been nearly a year since The Gift of Fear was first published, nearly a year since I sat next to Oprah Winfrey as she told her viewers that "every woman in America should read this book." She added, "It could save your life one day." I had hoped, maybe even expected, that it might be true. I did not, however, expect thousands of letters from readers - women and men, parents, teachers, students, p

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The Four Stages of Child Anger

Excerpted from The Angry Child: Regaining Control When Your Child Is Out of Control By Timothy Murphy, Ph.D. When children explode in anger, even adults can feel intimidated and overwhelmed by the strength and depth of their emotion. We may also feel there is little we can do to stop or control the situation. Fortunately, this is not true. Every angry outburst follows a predictable progression from buildup to explosion through a series of four stages, and the good news

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