Why We Always Want People We Can't Have

We all have wishes and dreams, that we keep at the back of our minds. Longing for something we cannot have can be a powerful and consuming feeling. While fantasizing may be harmless in theory, it's often difficult to let go. So what is it about wanting something, and not being able to have it? Why do we always want something that's just out of reach?

When it comes to relationships, we sometimes find ourselves wanting someone who doesn't feel the same way or is already taken. This can be a hard pill to swallow. We can get so distracted by dreaming about the possibilities that the person presents, instead of looking for someone else. This happens more frequently than you think and yet, it can be hard to stop ourselves from wanting that which we can't have.

Part of the reason why this behavior employs lies in the notion of desiring what we cannot attain. The preoccupation with something that feels unattainable, lives in our subconscious. As humans, we naturally strive for what is undefined and mesmerizing. It's kind of like a game. We don't know if we'll eventually win or lose and that keeps us hooked.

The feeling of knowing we can't have something acts as a source of motivation and high levels of excitement. What our mind perceives as 'taboo' or something that is only meant to exist in our dreams excites the neurochemical reactions in our brains, creating a sort of addictive response.

The social context, societal pressures and cultural standards can also affect how we perceive unachievable desires. In modern society, we're expected to look for perfect partners, no matter how unrealistic that might be. When we can't seem to do that, we often look to what is familiar and comforting, even if it is unattainable.

Whatever the underlying reasons may be, we should be aware of our longing, especially in romantic relationships. By understanding and questioning our irrational behaviour, we can avoid being caught up in a fantasy world and make better decisions. we can learn to appreciate what is actually attainable rather than daydreaming about the out of reach.

When it comes to wanting the people we can't have, it's important to realise that our mental gymnastics are likely causing more harm than good. Acknowledging our feelings of unfulfilled longing and noticing how they're affecting us can help us let go and move forward in life. We can give ourselves permission to move beyond our unrequited desires, and instead focus on taking care of our own hearts and health.