When You're Not Sure If She Likes You

When it comes to matters of the heart, confusion and uncertainty seem to be the natural order of things. It's an inescapable part of the excitement of the dance between two people. But when an encounter is without clarity, it can unleash intense feelings that might not have been felt - or at least not to that magnitude - had the situation been more straightforward.

When you're not sure if she likes you, trying to make sense of it all can feel like a thorny thicket of branches, always seeming to catch on your clothes and snag at your peace of mind. It can grow until it fills your head with doubt and questions, and it can cause a sense of craziness that’s difficult to navigate.

One way to move out of this type of mental turbulence is to remember that uncertainty can be normal. That’s why having patience and grace for yourself is crucial. This isn't about having patience for her - it's about having understanding for yourself, as you wrap your arms around the feelings that are rising in you.

It's also important to do some personal exploration. For example, take a moment to contemplate what it is exactly that you want from the situation. Do you see her as someone you'd like to date, or would you prefer it to remain low key and uncomplicated? Ask yourself why those consequences matter, and what it would mean for you if the two were realized. Once you've had that conversation inside your head, the results may be more revealing than you first imagined.

Another useful tool can be constructive daydreaming, which is based off of something called positive reframing. Where positive reframing involves distancing yourself emotionally from a situation, constructive daydreaming asks you to see the encounter through another lens. Picture the same moments being played out but with a different outcome. What would that "better" version look like? Would it involve the two of you sharing romantic glances across the room, music playing softly in the background? Maybe it’s something else entirely. How would it end?

This exercise is helpful both because it brings closure to the present and because it gives you an idea of what to aim for with this or any other interaction that bears similarities to it. The goal here is not to force a certain response from her, but rather to give yourself an idea of how you feel a potential relationship should go. In that way, you can better assess whether your actual experiences fit within your expectations.

And finally, don’t avoid getting outside opinions. Talk to a trusted friend or family member who can help you be more impartial and honest about what’s happening. Chances are, that person won't need more than a few words from you before they understand the intricacies of the situation. People close to us often have an ability to observe our encounters objectively in a way we sometimes can’t. Can they tell if she’s into you or not? Does she talk to them differently? Your level of insight they possess may surprise you.

Navigating confusion and uncertainty with any relationship can be exhausting and bring up a mix of emotions. But, while nothing is ever one hundred percent certain in life, focusing on the elements that you can work on - like your personal expectations or understanding - can make a world of difference.