When Piggy is in the Middle - How to Mend Torn Relationships

Sometimes loving relationships can become strained and need considerable work to restructure them back to an equilibrium. They may be working perfectly well, then suddenly an event can happen that throws the balance off, leaving one person in the middle, feeling stuck and alone. This is very common in various types of relationships such as parent-child relationships and even in husband-wife relationships. It's like a pendulum swinging in between two people; one moment it can feel totally in sync and balanced, but then moments later, it can swing off to one end and leave someone completely alone in the middle. This is what happens when Piggy is in the Middle.

When this scenario happens in a relationship, everyone involved has to consider their own roles and decisions; there are no scapegoats or one “wrong” person who is responsible for the situation. Everyone must take some responsibility for rebalancing the relationship, or else it will only get worse. One of the most painful things about being in the middle is that you have no way to control it or make it stop. You can't negotiate with yourself, so it's often a lonely and helpless experience.

However, there are ways in which you can begin to resolve the situation, provided that all parties are willing to listen and act upon issues. Some strategies you can use include open communication and negotiation, setting clear boundaries, and accepting that changes won't happen overnight.

The first step is to talk openly about the issues and encourage honest dialogue. Accepting that there is a problem and discussing it together offers a much better chance of finding a resolution than leaving the situation untouched and becoming more entrenched in positions. It may help if the two parties can agree to talk at regular intervals and not allow any grievances to remain unresolved. This might help to build a bridge of understanding, rather than a wall of silence.

Once communication channels have been opened up, it's important to set appropriate boundaries. Both parties need to define what is acceptable behavior and what is not. This can be difficult as changing habits isn't easy, but it should be done in as respectful a way as possible. People will generally respond better to having instructions instead of prohibitions and avoiding judgments that are personal.

Finally, it is important to accept that shifts in dynamic might not happen straight away. Old habits can die hard and they may need careful dismantling, especially if the previous system of conduct becomes less comfortable than before. Expect there to be certain growing pains as the landscape of the relationship changes, but look for the positives in these times as it is only when we are uncomfortable that things can really be transformed into something new and better.

Rebuilding relationships can be hard work and fraught with difficulties, but it is important to remember that it is possible as long as both parties are prepared to take responsibility for their part in the balance. It may not be easy, but with good intentions and careful navigation, there is potential to reach that equilibrium shift again.