Confusion, disappointment and heartache can flood a person when their partner says they're not the kind of person they typically find attractive. Coping with comments like these can be incredibly tricky and damaging for relationships. When faced with a situation like this, it's important to take a step back, assess the situation and consider several options on how to work through it. With thoughtfulness and empathy, partners can gain clarity on how to build a better, more engaged relationship that works for both of them.
When someone unexpectedly receives a comment about their attractiveness from their partner, it can feel like a huge blow to their self-esteem. While this could be a sign of disrespect in a relationship, it's important to recognize that these comments may stem from different insecurities or dissatisfactions rather than intended motives to hurt us. Making an effort to recognize these underlying issues is essential—we have to start by seeing our partner as a person who makes mistakes, rather than an enemy to be fought against head-on. Acknowledging that both of you may have made mistakes, and approaching them with understanding and love can go a long way in mitigating the negative feelings lingering in the air.
It's also helpful to think outside of the comment they made itself. Are there other sources that may have contributed to their frustration? Knowing our partner's expectations and understanding what's pushing these emotions can unearth hidden issues in the relationship. Once you're able to identify the grievances, we can openly and calmly discuss how to move forward. Along with empathy comes the realization that we must take responsibility for our part in the situation as well. Placing blame seldom helps alleviate distress, it only serves to move us further apart. Instead of being confrontational and forcing changes on your partner, meet these issues with understanding and communication and try to compromise over disagreements.
It's also helpful to keep in mind that beauty is subjective and opinions are vulnerable to change. Instead of letting ourselves be diminished by their comment, remember that even beauty can grow and evolve over time. Taking some time to focus on ourselves and show ourselves more appreciation can help us re-establish our self-worth, even if it doesn't seem possible at first. Treat yourself kindly and look for healthy ways to lift yourself up, such as yoga, long walks, painting and music.
Keep in mind that a relationship is a partnership built on two people and sometimes it takes two to make things work. Make an effort on both sides to contribute to the health of the relationship, stay open to constructive feedback and put in time and effort to keep things running smoothly. By being supportive of one another and recognizing that change and communication take time, partners can build a more trusting dynamic.
It's important to remember that no matter what anyone else says, each individual has their own unique beauty and when we are secure and confident in that, nothing can shake us. Celebrate the uniqueness and beauty we bring to relationships and allow involvement to have a positive influence on our lives.