What are some effective ways to resolve conflicts with your spouse?

Couples that share a deep intimate bond tend to butt heads from time to time. Even the most fulfilling relationship can have a weekend full of misunderstandings, hurt feelings and resentments – all of which may douse the flame of their romance.

While not every spat with your partner must be resolved with a word-by-word exchange, there are several methods to help patch things up after a disagreement. Each couple’s version of the “soft” way to resolve their arguments will be personal and unique to their dynamic, but here are three solutions to get the dialogue going between couples so they can work out their differences.

The first step towards conflict resolution is active listening. Instead of jumping straight into defending yourself (or worse, attacking your partner), take a deep breath and remember to hear your partner out before you make your case. Pay attention to their stance and sentiments and make sure your response reflects what they are expressing. This can demonstrate that you are invested and considerate in their feelings.

It is also important to communicate your feelings sincerely and calmly. In the heat of the moment, it is easy to get overwhelmed and reactive. Give yourself a few moments to compose your thoughts so that you can verbalize your grievances without escalating the situation. By being vulnerable and honest, you will be able to showcase that you are just as committed as your partner––and you may even learn something new in the process.

Resist the temptation of saying “I told you so.” Although winning an argument in the moment can be gratifying, it will lead to further resentment in the long run. Instead, focus on picking apart the issue and using it as a learning curve. When both parties learn to empathize with each other, it is easier to understand where the other is coming from and reach a middle ground.

Of course, disputes between couples are bound to happen. But these soft solutions to dealing with issues can help place the couple back on track with minimal repercussions. Like a fluffy cloud hovering above a rugged mountain, the couple can navigate their choppy waters and relight the spark in their long-term relationship.