When it comes to matters of the heart, many people dream of finding the perfect partner. We often enter into relationships without considering the power differential between the two of us, believing that the person we’re with is just as capable and attractive as we are. However, when it turns out they’re out of our league – 25 percent or more desirable than us – it can be difficult to deal with. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, emotional insecurity and resentment. But with some effort, it is possible to cope with the inequality in the relationship and make it work.
At first, it can be hard to accept that your partner is superior to you in some way. The feeling of needing to measure up can create a lot of distress and inner conflict. It is important to take a step back and reflect on how you view yourself and the other person, as well as what qualities you find most attractive in one another. Oftentimes, we put too much emphasis on unrealistic standards of beauty, youthfulness and wealth, when what matters most are intangible qualities like kindness, loyalty and strength of character. Reassessing our values and how we view others can help lessen the inequality between the two of us.
A disparity in desirability doesn’t necessarily have to doom a relationship either. Although it can be hard to overcome, very small gaps in attractiveness can be workable with enough effort and understanding. And while large chasms in desirability should provide cause for pause, when both partners are willing to accept and make allowances for the imbalance, it is possible to make it work.
For relationships where one partner is significantly more desirable than the other, it is essential to develop good communication and set appropriate boundaries. Being upfront and honest about feelings makes it easier to deal with any issues that arise in the course of the relationship. It also helps to remember that the person you’re with is not the only one who gets to decide what kind of treatment you deserve. Regardless of the power differential between you, you should always maintain your sense of dignity and self-respect.
It is also important to prioritize quality time together – whether its going out on dates, cooking dinner together, or just talking. Even though there may be an imbalance between the two of you, you can still find ways to bring yourselves closer together. Making the effort to enjoy activities together and truly connect on an emotional level can go a long way in improving the relationship.
Finding a partner who is out of our league can be incredibly intimidating, but if both parties are willing to make compromises and open up to each other, it may be possible to make it work. By reexamining our beliefs about ourselves and accepting things as they are, we can lessen the power inequality between us and find a way to make our relationship thrive. Powerful emotions and burning passion may present a surreal sunlit world, yet staying honest and realistic about one another's strengths and weaknesses defy the odds against unequal love.