The Dark Side Of Apologizing: Are You Apologizing Too Much?

Apology is a two-edges sword. On one hand, it has the power to heal, smooth out ruffles and mend broken hearts. On another, too much of apologizing can be a sign of even bigger issue than the failing relationship. Why does one use apology as a form of self healing and where does it become not a method of bonding and compromise, but quite an opposite – a dangerous form of behavior?

Your habit of apologizing too much could be a sign of an underlying problem, a part of a puzzle you so desperately want to connect. It can be a number of issues such as low self-esteem, lack of confidence, fear of partner’s abandonment and many others. In each of these cases, it is essential to look deeper and diagnose the situation in order to successfully find the right solution.

When someone repeatedly apologizes without any proper reason, it usually indicates person’s insecurity and lack of favorability. Going along someone’s wish in order to avoid any sort of other disputes is also linked with this behavior. No matter how hard you try to make things alright in your relationship, this apologizing pattern can give the impression that there is something wrong. One needs to be able to differentiate the pure willingness to make things ok from a notion that one is not good enough and in need of an apology.

Another cause of too much of apologizing could be a feeling of guilt and shame. Instead of direct confrontation with people’s misconduct and being vocal about one’s own feelings, it is easier to say sorry. In most cases, it would not be enough to resolve the issue and yet it provides a false sense of safety and prevents further violence. Unfortunately, this sort of behavior could lead to continuous cycle of depression and distorted vision of reality.

In rare case one can use apology in order to manipulate the surrounding people. It might seem like the only way to get what one wants and to get desired attention. The more urgency individual will put into making excuses, the higher chance there is an ulterior motive behind this action. It is important to stay vigilant in such situation and watch out for signs of an unhealthy connection.

Apologizing is a great way to show empathy and understanding; however, it can be also an indication of disrespect or manipulation. If one’s apologizing skills are overused, it is time to ask questions and inquire about the true underlying issue. Otherwise, things that can develop from misinterpretation of a simple phrase can be truly destructive.