Single or Relationship: Which is Better?

Key Takeaways:

• Being single offers self-discovery.
• Relationships provide support and stability.
• Happiness depends on personal preferences.
• Evaluate your readiness for a relationship.
• Consider emotional patterns before deciding.

Ever found yourself wondering if you're happier being single or in a relationship? Let's be honest—most of us have wrestled with this dilemma. The question isn't as simple as it looks; it's about lifestyle choices, personal values, and even our biology. We'll dive into the good, the bad, and everything in between, all while making sure you walk away with a deeper understanding of what fits you best. Psychologists agree that both choices offer unique benefits, but only you can decide which path complements your life journey. Ready to break it down? Let's get to it.

What's the difference between single and in a relationship?

At its core, being single means you're independent in a way that can be both liberating and a little lonely. You make your own decisions, choose how to spend your time, and live without the obligation of another person's expectations. It's a path full of self-discovery, but also moments when you wish you had someone to lean on.

In a relationship, your life intertwines with someone else's. You have someone to share joys, dreams, and even bad days with. Yet, relationships bring their own set of challenges: compromise, emotional investment, and often the need to put someone else's needs above your own. It's not just about the highs of romance but also the reality of partnership.

Think about it like this: being single gives you full control over your remote, while being in a relationship might mean you're navigating dual ownership. It's about finding a balance between ‘me' time and ‘we' time. Both options shape us differently, and neither is better or worse—just profoundly distinct.

Single or Relationship: Which is Better?

Which lifestyle is better? That depends entirely on what you value most and where you are in life. Here's the truth: what feels perfect at one point may seem unthinkable later on. Sometimes, we crave the freedom of single life, while other times, the warmth of companionship feels unmatched.

Studies, like the ones done by Professor Bella DePaulo, who researches the science of single life, show that singles are often more socially active. DePaulo found that single people invest more in friendships and personal growth, while people in relationships experience deeper levels of long-term support. But does this mean one is definitively better? Absolutely not.

It's about understanding your needs. Some of us flourish when we're independent. Others find that love makes life richer. The key is being honest about what brings you joy and fulfillment. No one-size-fits-all solution exists. Remember, it's okay if your preference evolves over time.

Pros and Cons of Being Single

Being single comes with its unique perks and pitfalls. It's a mix of wide-open opportunities and the occasional wave of loneliness. Let's unpack both sides.

Advantages of Being Single

Being single allows you to focus entirely on your growth. You can spend hours discovering what makes you tick without feeling guilty about neglecting a partner. Your time is yours, and that's liberating. You choose your adventures, hobbies, and passions with full freedom. Have you ever thought about taking up a new language, or going backpacking on a whim? Singles can embrace spontaneity.

Another advantage? Financial independence. You don't have to negotiate budgets or deal with shared expenses. Your money goes exactly where you want it to. This autonomy can pave the way for financial security and personal investments that align with your goals.

Beyond that, being single can lead to a rich social life. You're more available for your friends, which can mean deeper, more fulfilling friendships. Plus, you get to define your family in a non-traditional way, creating your own circle of support. There's something powerful about crafting your life with intention.

Downsides of Being Single

Yet, it's not without drawbacks. Loneliness is real. Even the most independent souls can feel the sting of isolation on cold nights or during special occasions. Seeing couples share intimate moments, from holding hands to planning futures together, can bring an ache that's tough to shake.

And let's not forget the societal expectations. Friends and family members may unintentionally pressure you with questions or assumptions. Constant reminders about “finding the one” can lead to self-doubt. In a society where coupledom is celebrated, being single takes a certain level of self-confidence and resilience.

Additionally, having no partner means shouldering all life's burdens alone. If something goes wrong—a job loss or a medical scare—support networks, though strong, may not always replace the emotional intimacy a partner provides. The independence of single life can be empowering, but it can also feel overwhelming.

Pros and Cons of Being in a Relationship

Relationships come with their own set of joys and frustrations. They're not perfect, but they bring unique experiences that being single doesn't offer. Let's look at the good and the challenging aspects.

Advantages of Being in a Relationship

Being in a relationship often means having a built-in support system. Your partner can be your cheerleader on tough days and your confidant when life gets overwhelming. There's an irreplaceable sense of comfort in knowing someone truly understands you. Shared experiences, from traveling together to celebrating milestones, create cherished memories that last a lifetime.

Let's not underestimate the emotional and physical benefits of a healthy relationship. According to research, people in loving partnerships tend to experience lower stress levels. Physical touch, like a hug or holding hands, releases oxytocin—often called the “love hormone”—which boosts mood and well-being. It's no surprise that a loving relationship can make even the hardest days feel a little more manageable.

And yes, stability is a big plus. Whether it's financial support or having someone to dream and plan the future with, relationships can bring a sense of security that's hard to match. Together, you navigate life's ups and downs, learning to be a better version of yourselves with each challenge faced as a team.

Drawbacks of Being in a Relationship

However, relationships aren't always rosy. There's a constant need for compromise, which can feel draining. You don't just consider your own needs; you have to factor in your partner's feelings, goals, and preferences. This means giving up a level of freedom and spontaneity that you may once have cherished.

Conflict is inevitable. Disagreements about finances, lifestyle choices, or even how to load the dishwasher can escalate into significant issues if not handled maturely. Emotional baggage from past relationships or unresolved trauma can also complicate things, creating tension that requires effort and patience to resolve.

And then there's the emotional toll. Being vulnerable with someone means opening yourself up to potential hurt. Breakups, betrayals, or drifting apart can leave deep scars, affecting your self-esteem and future relationships. Even a happy relationship comes with the fear of loss, which can be a heavy burden.

3 Questions Before Deciding: Single or Relationship?

Before jumping to conclusions, consider asking yourself a few important questions. They can give you a clearer perspective on what you truly want.

1. Would You Be Happier Solo?

This question demands brutal honesty. Do you feel a sense of relief when you think about being single, or does the idea make you anxious? Sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships out of habit or societal expectations, not genuine desire. On the flip side, some people discover that being single offers a happiness they hadn't expected, full of independence and personal growth.

Think about your contentment levels when you're alone. If the idea of solo adventures, or even a quiet evening by yourself, makes you feel fulfilled, you might lean towards staying single. But if you crave shared experiences and have a strong desire for companionship, a relationship might be the better path.

2. How Ready Are You for Commitment?

Commitment isn't something to take lightly. Are you ready to share your space, make compromises, and support another person's dreams? Being in a relationship requires emotional availability and maturity. If you're still recovering from past wounds or find it hard to trust others, you may not be ready for a deep commitment.

Be honest about where you are in your personal development. Sometimes, taking more time for yourself to grow and heal is the best decision. Other times, being with someone helps you mature and gain new perspectives. Evaluate your capacity to give and receive love authentically and wholeheartedly.

3. Do You Leap from Relationship to Relationship?

Take a moment to reflect on your dating history. Are you someone who jumps from one relationship to the next without a break? If so, it might be worth considering why. Sometimes, we chase relationships out of fear of being alone or because we equate our worth with having a partner. This pattern, known as “serial monogamy,” can prevent us from understanding who we are outside of a relationship.

Ask yourself: Have you given yourself time to truly heal and grow between partners? If you find that you're constantly seeking a relationship to fill a void or to feel complete, it may be time to pause. Being single can be an opportunity to learn about your own needs, establish self-worth, and build a fulfilling life on your terms. Only then can you enter a relationship from a place of strength, not dependence.

Are Singles Really Happier Than Couples?

It's the million-dollar question: Who's happier, singles or couples? The answer isn't black and white. Some studies suggest that people in healthy, loving relationships often experience greater life satisfaction. They have emotional support and someone to share experiences with, which can make life's challenges feel more manageable.

On the other hand, research also shows that singles who actively embrace their independence report high levels of happiness. For example, they often have more time for hobbies, personal growth, and meaningful friendships. Happiness, in many ways, is about living authentically and aligning with your values. If being single allows you to do that, then it could be your ticket to a fulfilling life.

Professor Bella DePaulo, a social scientist, argues that society's emphasis on coupledom makes many overlook the joys of single life. She points out that singles often thrive because they're free to craft their lives intentionally. It's not that one lifestyle is superior; it's about which one brings you closer to your ideal self.

Our Nature and Human Connection

Humans are inherently social creatures. We evolved in groups and tribes, relying on each other for survival, which is why connection feels so essential. Yet, that doesn't always translate into needing a romantic partner to feel fulfilled. Many people find deep satisfaction in friendships, family, or even community involvement.

Consider this: Connection doesn't have to come from one person. Whether single or in a relationship, building a network of meaningful relationships can lead to a well-rounded, happy life. The key is understanding your social needs and meeting them in a way that feels right for you.

Whether you're solo or partnered, what matters most is how you cultivate connection, not the form it takes. If you're thriving with a diverse social circle and loving yourself along the way, you're already winning.

Recommended Resources

• Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After by Bella DePaulo
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver