How to Use Absence to Increase Desire and Respect
Has your relationship been feeling a bit "same old, same old" lately? Are you looking for tips that can help you reconnect with your partner in a meaningful way? If so, absence might be the answer you’re looking for. Believe it or not, creating a sense of distance can actually help bring two people closer together. Here’s how to use absence to increase desire and respect in your relationship.
Learn the Benefits of Absence
When it comes to relationships, most people focus on being present. We make plans together, spend quality time together, and even go on romantic vacations. But it’s important to remember that absence can also have its benefits.
Absence creates opportunity for each partner to discover different sides of themselves. Without the presence of the other partner, they can explore new passions and hobbies or develop personal interests. This newfound space can provide a fresh perspective and chances to cultivate feelings of self-efficacy and growth.
At their core, relationships are about bringing two unique individuals together and combining unique strengths into something larger than the sum of its parts. That doesn’t happen if each person is constantly only seeing the “couple” or “we” as a focal point. Exploring individual interests can provide beneficial opportunities for both parties.
Create Balances of Togetherness and Apartness
Relationships are a delicate balance of togetherness and apartness. Striking the right equilibrium can help create security, passion and interest. Of course the perfect balance is different for every couple, but it’s worth exploring.
Initiating conversation around how much time should be spent together versus apart can be a positive experience. It gives couples the opportunity to establish boundaries while also getting a glimpse into how the other partner feels. Additionally, couples will be able to zero in on how they can make the most of their time away.
Make Separate Plans
Developing a social life outside of the mutual partnership is important. Taking solo adventures without needing to explain or justify yourself can provide a sense of freedom, confidence, and independence.
Set aside some time for yourself and build relationships outside of the primary partnership. This includes doing things like spending time with friends, attending events or classes related to your hobbies, or taking simple walks around the blockwithout having to explain yourself.
It can be hard to let go and trust that your partner is also in need of time apart from the relationship. Establishing clear boundaries, expressing trust between one another, and respecting each other’s needs can help make the process easier.
Minimize Digital Interactions
In this era of digital overload, it seems harder than ever to disconnect and make a plan to stay away from one another — even if it’s a promised break.
Using technology to virtually stay connected can quickly shift the focus away from a needed break toward keeping up with each other’s updates. Too many updates can lead to obsessive checking and lead to a cycle of communicating as a couple throughout the day.
Frequency of communication is a personal decision. Every person and relationship is different — this needs to be reconciled through conversations with each other rather than assumptions.
Be Mindful of Your Return
The returning phase of an absence can be tricky. Depending on the length of the break, you might both come back feeling refreshed and excited to see each other — or, it could be an uncomfortable reunion. As you’re reintegrating back into the relationship, be mindful of any changes in energy.
If things feel strained or if communication takes longer to get going, take note of what’s being said (or not) and try and understand why it may be happening before jumping to conclusions.
The Power of Absence
Setting clear expectations and boundaries will help ensure that each person is getting the time and space they need to thrive. Trust and respect each other to show up and invest in the relationship anew when you’re together.
Using absence to increase desire and respect can be powerful. Taking breaks from constant togetherness won’t just keep the spark alive — it can also create an infinitely more meaningful connection.
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