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  • Matthew Frank
    Matthew Frank

    How to Handle a Girl I'm in College With?

    Dear eNotAlone: I'm really struggling with a girl I'm in college with and having a lot of trouble trying to figure out how to handle the situation.

    The background is that I met her at an engineering seminar last semester. We were introduced, had a great conversation and then exchanged contact details. We started talking over text, then moved to phone calls. We live in different cities, but we began to meet up regularly when I visited her city. We've been spending time together for five months now and things have taken a turn.

    She's always been distant, often too busy before finally meeting up, then canceling. I understood it as first since she has a lot on her plate, but I'm now feeling like she's being manipulative and that she isn't interested in me as much as I am in her. I'm even starting to feel like her presence with me is very forced.

    She has recently stopped initiating conversations and any excuse she can find, she uses it to cancel our plans at the last minute. Sometimes she doesn't even give any reason why she canceled. She doesn't explain and she isn't willing to talk about it. We rarely continue conversations after she mentioned a problem.

    I'm getting so frustrated with her behavior, I don't know what I should do. I'm torn between whether I should make more of an effort to reach out to her, or if I should try to distance myself and move on.

    What do you suggest is the best course of action here?

    * * *

    When it comes to relationships, it can be difficult to know what's going on in someone else's head—especially when that person isn't communicating their needs or wants. It may be that this woman simply isn't interested in a relationship with you, either because she doesn't have time or because she isn't interested.

    You've already made an effort to understand her perspective by giving her space and allowing her to explain her reasons for canceling plans and not being interested in conversations. However, since she hasn't opened up to you and continues to be distant, it may be time for you to back off and move on.

    It's important to recognize the signs that someone isn't interested in you and take steps to protect yourself from further pain. The longer you stay connected to someone who isn't interested, the more upset you'll ultimately become.

    If you choose to keep trying to pursue the relationship, you'll need to come up with new ways to spark her interest and make her feel comfortable around you. It may be helpful to spend some time apart, so that she feels less pressure to respond to your advances and more open to conversation.

    The decision to stay or go is up to you. If you still feel drawn to her, take a step back and evaluate her behaviors objectively. Think about what's best for your own mental and emotional well-being, and if it's worth it to continue pursuing her.

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