How Long Do Crushes Last? Experts Reveal The Truth

Key Takeaways:

• Crushes often fade
• Making a move helps
• Acceptance eases pain
• Self-care speeds healing
• Time brings clarity

If you're wondering how long does a crush last, how long do crushes last, or even how long can a crush last, you've probably noticed your heart playing a loop of hopeful fantasies. You imagine chance encounters, inside jokes, and future possibilities that may or may not ever bloom. The emotional rollercoaster can feel exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. And while crushes can shake you up, they rarely settle in forever. Here's the thing: crushes are powerful, often short-lived bursts of infatuation. They trigger your brain's reward system to release dopamine, causing feelings of excitement and longing that make you want to see this person again and again. In other words, you feel hooked. And that makes you wonder: “Is this going anywhere? How long is this going to last?”

We all experience the surge of emotions differently. Some crushes evaporate after a single awkward conversation, while others linger quietly in the background for years. The reality often falls somewhere in the middle. Researchers and psychologists note that infatuations can persist anywhere from a few weeks to several months. Sometimes, they turn into romantic relationships. Other times, they remain one-sided fascinations, prompting you to eventually move on. Let's explore why your crushes form, how to make a move when the timing feels right, and what to do when you know it's not happening. By the end, you'll understand your own feelings better, and you'll gain some strategies to handle these swirling emotions with more confidence.

How long can you really expect your crushes to last?

When you first lay eyes on someone who seems to sparkle with everything you admire—intelligence, humor, confidence—your brain reacts. The initial spark of a crush releases a flood of feel-good chemicals, lighting up your neural reward pathways. You might think about them constantly, replaying interactions in your mind, obsessing over small details. But is there a typical “expiration date” on that warm, fuzzy feeling?

Studies suggest that the lifespan of a crush tends to be shorter than people imagine. Research in human attraction shows that intense romantic attraction without deeper emotional bonding often fizzles out. It can last as little as a few weeks but often not much longer than four months. If feelings persist beyond that point, you may shift into a deeper connection or find that the intensity cools off. In other words, the chemicals surging through your brain might burn bright, but they don't always burn long. It's normal. It's human. You feel what you feel because your brain and heart cling to the possibility of something new and fulfilling.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others,” writes Brené Brown in Daring Greatly. Her words remind us that relationships—whether just a crush or something more—need some reality checks. If the weeks go by and your crush never materializes, you must set boundaries with yourself, accept that the spark may fade, and love yourself enough to move on when it serves your emotional health. This approach is not about giving up easily; it's about treating yourself kindly.

Crushes also feel more intense when circumstances limit your contact. The mystery factor—barely knowing them, only seeing them occasionally—fuels your imagination. Your mind can fill in gaps with dreams and perfection. Over time, as you get to know them, the rose-tinted glasses fade. You begin to see them as a complete person, with flaws and struggles. Ironically, this realistic view often reduces that obsessive, intense rush and can make your feelings more authentic, or help them dissolve naturally if the chemistry isn't there.

How to make a move on your crush without regrets

You've decided that this lingering feeling deserves exploration. You want to know if they feel the same way. In that case, the next step might feel simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying: making a move. There's no single right way, but guidance from psychological research and relationship experts suggests a few principles. Confidence, authenticity, and respecting boundaries tend to produce better outcomes. You don't need fancy pickup lines. You just need honesty, a willingness to engage, and a bit of courage.

First, remember they're only human.

The biggest misconception about approaching someone you like is thinking they exist on an untouchable pedestal. Guess what? They have insecurities, weird hobbies, stressful days, and family issues—just like you. Approaching them with the understanding that they're simply another human being helps relieve some of that anxiety. This mental shift can loosen the knots in your stomach and prevent you from over-idealizing them. Instead of thinking, “I need the perfect line,” think, “I'm just going to talk to another person and see how it goes.”

Gently make your presence known.

Instead of rushing into a grand gesture, try small, meaningful interactions. Make eye contact from across the room and smile. Offer a greeting when you cross paths. Some psychologists talk about the mere-exposure effect, where people tend to develop preferences for things (and people) simply because they see them often. By appearing in their social sphere a bit more regularly, you become a familiar and less intimidating face. Just ensure you respect personal space and social context—no one wants to feel like they're being followed.

Start a conversation that matters.

You don't have to wow them with poetry. Show genuine curiosity about their interests. Ask a thoughtful question related to something you know they care about. Start simple and direct. You might say, “I noticed you mentioned you love stand-up comedy. Any shows you'd recommend?” If that feels too forward, comment on something around you—a group event, the music playing, or a shared class topic. The key is sincerity. People open up when they feel seen and heard. If they respond positively, you can take the conversation deeper over time.

Hint at your feelings without pressure.

At some point, you'll want to convey interest. This can happen through body language—leaning in slightly, maintaining comfortable eye contact, and smiling—or through subtle compliments. A remark like, “I really enjoy talking to you. You have such a positive vibe,” can signal affection without overwhelming them. By dropping hints, you allow them a moment to consider their own feelings. If they respond warmly, you might feel more confident taking the next step.

Be bold and ask them out.

Sometimes, you must simply go for it. After a few positive interactions, take the initiative. Keep it casual and specific: “Would you like to grab coffee this weekend?” or “There's an art fair in town; want to check it out together?” Putting an invitation on the table helps you stop overthinking. If they say yes, great—you have a date. If they decline or seem unsure, you'll at least have clarity. This knowledge frees you from limbo, allowing you to move forward in a healthy direction, whatever that may be.

How to get over your crush when it's clear it won't happen

Not every crush blossoms into something mutual. Sometimes you discover that they're unavailable, uninterested, or not quite what you hoped. Heartache can follow. It's tempting to cling to the fantasy because letting go can feel like losing something precious. But holding on to an unrequited crush only prolongs emotional discomfort. Instead, allow yourself the space to heal, learn from the experience, and move on. You can feel better in time, and you can open yourself up to the next chapter of your life.

Acknowledge and mourn what never bloomed.

Grief doesn't only follow the loss of a long-term relationship. It can also appear when you lose the potential of what might have been. If you've learned that your crush isn't interested or that the circumstances just don't align, you must validate your feelings. Feel sad for a while. Recognize that it's normal to grieve even the possibility of a connection. Journal about what you liked in them. Write down what you imagined your relationship could be. This process can help you understand what needs and desires lay beneath that infatuation.

Give yourself time to heal.

Patience is your best friend right now. You cannot force your brain to suddenly stop caring. Instead, try to shift your focus toward other areas of your life. Remind yourself that this feeling won't always remain so raw. Craving immediate relief only intensifies frustration. Accept the healing process. Healing never moves in a straight line; some days feel better, others sting again. Trust that incremental progress occurs each time you choose to invest in yourself rather than ruminating about what you cannot change.

Stop feeding the infatuation.

If you keep looking at their social media profiles, re-reading old text messages, or staring out your window hoping to see them walk by, you only feed the longing. To move forward, you must break the habit of constant reminders. Hide or remove triggering digital connections—unfollow them or hide their stories. Limit interactions. The less you see their face, name, or posts, the less you give your mind fodder to maintain the crush. This doesn't mean you hate them; it means you're prioritizing your own well-being.

Take a little 'me time'.

When emotional turmoil hits, self-care becomes essential. Activities that help you reconnect with who you are and what you love can restore balance and reduce anxiety. Exercise, pick up a new hobby, learn a skill, or spend time with close friends who value and appreciate you. Your self-worth should never hinge on a single person's response. Treat yourself like someone worthy of care, comfort, and fun. Engaging in meaningful activities helps dilute the emotional intensity of the crush and reminds you that your life contains many sources of happiness.

Express your feelings safely.

If your emotions feel too big to hold inside, let them out in a healthy way. This can mean talking with a trusted friend, seeking counsel from a therapist, or writing down everything in a journal. Acknowledging your feelings validates your internal experience. This step doesn't turn back time or create a relationship that never existed, but it helps you release the emotional pressure cooker inside your mind. Once you let it out, the intensity often drops, making it easier to reflect calmly and move on.

Open up to new connections.

Once the dust settles, start broadening your horizons. This doesn't mean you must jump immediately into another crush or relationship. Instead, remain open to meeting new people, forging friendships, and exploring activities you enjoy. Social connections nourish your well-being. Even if you don't have romantic feelings right now, building a circle of supportive individuals can help heal your heart. Those who engage in new experiences and interact with others tend to feel less stuck and more optimistic about the future.

Remember your intrinsic worth.

One reason crushes hurt when they fail is that they can poke at underlying insecurities. You may think, “They didn't like me, so maybe I'm not good enough.” Please challenge that thought. Rejection doesn't define you. People fail to connect for countless reasons—timing, differing goals, personality mismatches. It isn't always about something lacking in you. Developing healthy self-esteem means recognizing your strengths and unique qualities. Oscar Wilde once noted, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Cultivate that inner romance. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend. That helps your heart remain resilient when someone else doesn't reciprocate.

Hold onto the truth: Crushes fade.

When you're in the thick of it, you might wonder if the agony will ever end. It will. Just as intense crushes tend to have a lifespan, so does the heartbreak of letting one go. People adapt. You move on, you form new connections, and you grow from the experience. Over time, that name you once couldn't get out of your head becomes a fond memory or a gentle footnote in your life story. Remember, crushes are only temporary. Emotions ebb and flow, and this too shall pass.

It might help to reflect on the psychology behind crushes to understand why you feel the way you do. Many psychologists attribute crushes to limerence, a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov. Limerence describes the involuntary state of intense romantic desire characterized by obsessive thoughts, mood swings, and fear of rejection. This heightened emotional state thrives on uncertainty and fantasy. Yet limerence rarely lasts forever. Recognizing limerence for what it is helps you see through the illusions your mind creates. Eventually, reality sets in, making the infatuation manageable or extinct.

Your emotional experience also relates to attachment styles, a concept highlighted in the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller. People with anxious attachment may cling to the idea of a crush longer because it offers a glimmer of hope and validation. Those with avoidant attachment may distance themselves emotionally, never allowing the crush to deepen. Understanding your attachment style can shed light on why some crushes feel so intense and long-lasting, and why letting go might pose a challenge.

When you know why you feel stuck and how to move forward, you reclaim your power. Emotions guide you, but they don't control you. Recognize that while crushes and heartbreaks happen, you possess the resilience and insight to handle them. Over time, you transform from someone who feels tossed around by their emotions to someone who can calmly acknowledge what they feel, respond thoughtfully, and keep growing. That is the beauty of emotional maturity: you learn from every experience, no matter how it ends.

The real magic happens when you trust your journey. Crushes come and go. Some might turn into meaningful relationships, while others simply teach you about your desires, values, and boundaries. Each experience can shape you into a more compassionate, self-aware version of yourself. And when a crush does evolve into a loving relationship, you'll appreciate it more deeply because you've weathered the storms of uncertainty, built your self-confidence, and understood the natural ebb and flow of attraction.

As you navigate your feelings, remember to remain kind to yourself. Embrace the tension between hope and acceptance. Allow vulnerability, but safeguard your worth. Take heart in the knowledge that these intense sensations usually ease over time. When you do fall in love or move forward to something more solid, you'll realize that crushes served as stepping stones—sparks that taught you about yearning, courage, acceptance, and resilience. You learn to let go when it's not right, and to embrace the unknown when it just might be.

Recommended Resources

1. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
2. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
3. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
4. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
5. The Social Animal by David Brooks