It's an exciting step to take when considering the decision to become a parent, but it can also be overwhelming. When marriage is involved, it becomes increasingly complicated as two lives are suddenly entwined and their future direction has to be negotiated. Many times, conversations about something as significant and life-altering as starting a family don’t go as smoothly as you’d hope. How do you tell your partner that you’re ready to move toward making a baby?
The first thing to keep in mind is that communication regarding matters of introducing a third party into a relationship is essential and should not be taken lightly. Having such a discussion might cause nerves, fear, or anxiety for both parties. Be prepared for some pushback, compromise, or maybe even some patience required to move forward with the plan.
Another important aspect of having that conversation is to know your, partner’s view of this monumental life change. What sort of expectations do they have when it comes to raising a child? Are they ready and excited to be a parent, or are they shaking in their boots at the thought of children running their lives? Keep in mind, if they aren’t in agreement with the desire, respect their opinion and consider what their concerns might be without pushing them away.
Initiating the conversation might be, challenging, but be honest. Explain why having a child is the right decision for you and your marriage. Sit down and make sure there is balanced dialogue and try to explore any worries about shifting roles within the marriage. Remind your partner that no matter what, you both are a strong unit, and will always be in each other’s corner regardless of what life throws your way. Even so, mollifying fears and giving support doesn’t mean you have to entirely forget about yourself. Speak up about your desires. If you forgo your thoughts, it puts the relationship in a precarious balance and could lead to negative feelings and resentments from both parties.
When preparing to have this conversation, keep in mind that while having, children is highly idealized, there is a lot of work that goes into it. Talk about all the logistics and financial implications associated with caring for a child and how much you are willing to give of yourself; you don’t want to overload yourself and detract from being an enjoyable partner.
In most cases, talking to your partner is still the best option even if you think it might lead to tension or conflict. Once an understanding is achieved, it leaves the possibility of forging ahead into parenthood together and, who knows, maybe even happy little surprises along the way!
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